Everyday seems like a struggle during divorce. Learning how to
reinvent ourselves, establish our independence again, and figure out
what we want during this next chapter of our lives is a bit
overwhelming. Oftentimes, we may forget to see all the wonderful
things that await us. Looking for or even finding joy in the middle
of a divorce seems impossible, but it’s not
So often, we get so bogged down with the stress, overwhelm, and
emotional roller-coaster that is the end of a marriage that we forget
about all the things that we have going for us. But learning to find
joy in your life, especially while navigating or recovering from
divorce, is an incredible gift that you can give to yourself. And it
can be easier than ever when you ask yourself the following.
Finding joy and amazing things are right under your nose
We have this unfair expectation that only huge milestones in our lives
are worth celebrating. But what about the day-in/day-out struggles
that we endure, especially as we grow older?
We don’t give ourselves enough credit for the things we have
accomplished, especially as we learn to move on after divorce. Every
day that you take control of your life, every day that you learn a
little more about managing money and re-entering the workforce, every
day that you get a little bit stronger and take care of yourself and
put yourself first and realize that you are worthy of getting your
confidence back and reclaiming your life is something you should
So, what things will you start to celebrate? I’ve listed a couple of my
-I choose to celebrate that I am no longer in a relationship that was
unhealthy for me.
-I will celebrate that I am a survivor. I got through this, and now I
know I can get through anything.
If you are still having trouble with trying to identify things that
bring you joy, don’t worry! Finding joy in your life is the most
important step to learning how to heal and move on. It is also the
easiest but most critical component of taking care of yourself as you
recover for your divorce. Another way to approaching finding joy can
come from asking yourself the following.
WHAT IS YOURS THAT NOBODY CAN TAKE?
Answering this question establishes the solid foundation for
celebrating what is good in your life. These answers are simpler than
you think. Some of my answers, especially during the hardest times of
my divorce, included:
–Coming home to a clean house–everything just how I left it.
-The feeling that although I am no longer married, at least I am not
in a toxic, unhealthy relationship anymore.
-Knowing that my dogs would always greet me with a wagging tail and
Those simple things are ones we usually take for granted, but when you
are mindful to the love and beauty that actually surrounds you, just
waiting to be acknowledged, you will see dozens of things to be happy
about that are right in front of you.
When the world still seems like a disaster, or when you are angry over
something that happened today, or you saw something or heard something
that triggered you into feeling resentful of grief-stricken, you must
do this one thing.
WRITE DOWN 5 THINGS THAT YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR.
These things do not have to be extravagant. In fact, the simplest of
things are usually the best, because they remind us that we are still
alive and that we will be okay. Need some inspiration? Take a look at
last night’s entry into my own notebook.
-The sun streaming into my apartment late afternoon
-The smell of fabric softener on clean sheets
-Hot Epsom salt bath before bed
-My dog, who is always so playful and silly
-Homemade delicious olive oil cake after dinner
DO THIS EXERCISE TONIGHT.
I prefer doing this as I am getting ready for bed. After I finish the
night rituals but still have a few minutes before I know that I am
going to zonk out is when I write these things. It doesn’t really
matter when you do it exactly, but I find that doing it at the end of
the day is the best way to get closure on any nonsense that has gotten
in my space, as well as celebrating any good things that have come my
MAKE IT AS EASY AS POSSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.
I keep a medium-sized notebook with a pen on my nightstand, next to my
alarm clock. That way, I will see it every night. It can be as simple
of a notebook as you want–some people get super-fancy and call them
Gratitude Journals. I just call it a lifeline to joy.
A SIMPLE HABIT CAN CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK.
This is not a just-one-and-done thing, however. You must make this a
habit in order for it to work. Finding joy will come in little chunks. Some studies show that it takes 21 days
of practice to make something a habit, but you will start to notice
the change in your outlook in in 3 days of writing down.
You may also see patterns of things for which are grateful–things
that appear in your notebook regularly. It’s not a coincidence. It’s a
sign that these are the things in your life that bring you joy, and
these are the things you should celebrate. These are the things that,
when you are angry or lonely, have the power to center you again and
remind you that you have control of your life, that you are strong,
and that regardless of where you have been, you will get your life and
Martha Bodyfelt is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach(R) whose website
“Surviving Your Split”  helps readers navigate their divorce with
less stress and drama, so they can move on with their lives. For your
Free Divorce Warrior Survival Kit, stop by
http://survivingyoursplit.com/ or drop Martha a line at
[email protected]. You can also visit her on Facebook
(this post contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission but the best part of that is the more I make, the more hungry bellies I can feed here in Guatemala-win win!!)