Man oh man breaking up sure does suck.I fucking hate everything about it, except for one thing. The simple fact that you are moving on with your life and allowing better things to come to you. Always a positive side, amirite? Anyway, although we think healing will be impossible or hard as fuck, the truth is, of course you will heal. However, the length of time that this healing will occur falls on your shoulders.
There are many stages of emotions we have to go through in order to start the healing process. The number one stage obviously is grief. It’s sad, dammit. What you had with this person had many good moments. You have to leave them all behind. In comes grief. In my opinion, grief is the hardest. Our hearts are sad, they are crying in pain, they are lonely and empty and broken. My advice to that is honour your pain and hurt, embrace it, feel it and then let it go.
We’re not going to go into the other stages of emotions we feel after a breakup because that’s not what this blog is about. Let’s get right to the healing and the things you absolutely shouldn’t do that will make the healing process harder.
Healing doesn’t have to be so hard
Though we think it’s going to be the hardest fucking thing in the world ever to do, really it’s not nor does it have to be. But as I mentioned above, it’s up to you how fast or slow the healing can occur. Do you want to 1) wallow in self pity and misery about this breakup for weeks, months or even years (good grief I hope not the latter) or do you want to 2) move on as quickly as you can?
If you chose option 2 I applaud you! Now, if you did choose #2, moving on quickly will be hampered if you do these 4 things. In other words, don’t do them. Healing will come faster if you avoid these 4 things like the plague, capiche?
….must cease. At least to a certain degree. Now with that I don’t mean cut the person off completely (unless you feel you must) but I mean don’t text, email, message constantly throughout the day or weeks to follow. I know you wanna know how they are doing and you want to keep that lifeline open but please don’t. You’ll never move on and healing will be sloooooooooooooow. Got it?
Are you creeping?
Facebook and Instagram truly are wonderful social media platforms, until you break up with someone. Then suddenly they become your nemesis. You know what I mean here. You’ve been creeping their FB wall and spying on them on Insta to find any signs of life, hate, anger or sadness. You wanna know that they aren’t moving on and being all happy and shit. You wanna know that they feel the same pain you are feeling. Stop doing that, it’s ridiculous. Is it doing you any good? Of course not! Grow the fuck up. That’s high school stuff. It’s over, move on.
Hear my pain!
You want to shout off the rooftops how much your heart hurts. You want to tell everyone and anyone who will listen how crushed your heart is and how fucking sad/mad you are. You can’t stop talking about it. Everyone needs to know dammit. I have a newsflash for you: everyone doesn’t need to know and more than half could not care less. The sooner you stop talking about it (and boring your friends to death about it) the sooner you will get over it. You wanna rehash it til the cows come home? Keep a journal and write your feelings. Stop going on and on about it. Honestly, you sound like a broken record that no one likes to play.
Self Pity anyone?
Oh please stop. You know, I get that during the healing process we have to feel a little self pity. Oh how I so get that. Honestly though, don’t stay there. You need to get out of there as fast as you can or you will end up in a vortex of misery and loneliness. No one will want to be around you (not me anyway) and you will be blocking any chance of any good coming into your life. Grieve for a little while (though how much time will be different for everyone) and then get the fuck outta there.
Do these things instead!
In our healing journey, often we forget to honour ourselves. We forget all the good things about us and the relationship we left behind and we just mope around instead. Don’t do that please. How about try some of these things instead?
- take yourself out on a date
- listen to guided and positive meditations on self love and healing
- do something fun you’ve never done before (ziplining anyone?)
- immerse yourself in a new book or an online course (many you can find for free!)
- make new friends!
- go for a walk in nature
- apply to volunteer at a place that resonates with you
I can go on and on about different things you can do to make the healing process faster but those are just a few good idea.
I know your heart hurts and I’m sorry, but know one thing, something better is just around the corner. Someone who truly deserves you.
Bartender, the usual por favor. ~sigh~
If you, or anyone you know, feels lost, stuck, lonely or frustrated in life, check out my new self help guide!
Peace and Love