A valid question. There is a difference between forgive and forget. Sounds like a no brainer but really it’s not. People always tell me they either can’t forgive, or having a hard time doing so BUT they’ll never forget.

No one asked you to. You will never forget the shit things people did to you. Ever. Unless you totally wiped out all your memory cells, you will never forget. BUT, you can forgive.


Hello shit memory

There are a few things that still creep up on me and I hadn’t realized just how much damage was done by my ex until I tried to function daily on my own and things would pop up that would remind me of him. *FUCK*

It’s not just memories from him, but other shit parts of my life as well. My childhood, my son’s father, my teenage years, old bosses, etc. You get the idea.

I’m not going to go into any of the sordid details (unless you really want me to) but I will give you a couple of examples to put it into perspective for you (and not just from my ex).

Example 1:

To this day, I can’t sleep with anyone.  Like I have to be exhausted beyond belief in order to fall asleep in bed with someone. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it, but I have such sleep terror and anxiety that it just won’t happen until I heal the trauma he caused me at bedtime.

It’s something that I’ve been thinking of working on and it just may be time to do that.

Example 2:

 When I’m on Facebook and the douchebag who helped himself to $1000 of my money while I was in the air flying to Guatemala posts something I want to jump through the monitor and rip his fucking face off.

I should work on that too.

What to do, what to do.

So the past creeps up every now and then and it haunts us like a really bad, or should I say, really good Stephen King movie. The sucky thing about it is that we could be skipping along throughout our day, minding our own business being all happy and chipper and whammo, a memory creeps up. Dammit.

And in the blink of an eye, you’re about ready to lose your shit and cry or, worst yet, commit murder. So what to do? I mean, what DO we do???

I don’t know about you, but for me, some memories from my past can have little to no effect on me while others may have me gloomy for an hour or two.

So what do you do? No really, I’m asking you, what do you do?

Fleeting thoughts, anyone?

Many shit memories from my past come and go. They mean nothing. I’m over it. It’s done. I’ve forgiven and I’ve even just about forgotten the hurt it caused me then. Just about. Most memories really do just fleet through.

We normally don’t hold on to them for many reasons such as:

  • we aren’t there anymore (in the past)
  • they no longer serve us
  • they no longer bother us
  • the person who hurt us might be deceased
  • that was then, this is now

Thankfully for most of us, many of our memories come and go.

But….then there are the ones that haunt us.

Let’s get to work.

There are still some memories that, when they do creep up, drive me bat shit crazy. I know it’s time to deal with them. I totally get that. Forgiveness frees us of the anger, hurt and pain from the past but it doesn’t free of us memories, unfortunately.

So how do we deal with them? I wish I had answers for you. Really I do. I know when I blog, at the end of each blog I try to have some sort of call to action for you, an encouraging word or thought, something you can take to the bank. Not this time.

This time all I have for you is this. When the past creeps up to haunt you, in my opinion, it’s a sign that some things haven’t been healed and need to be dealt with either through counseling or more holistic methods. Meditation, NLP maybe, I honestly don’t know. For me, I brush them under the rug and carry on my day.

I’m open to suggestions.

Tequila often does the trick of wiping out our hard drives too.  Jus sayin’.

Peace and Love


Written by Iva Ursano


  1. Maria McMahon August 5, 2017 at 11:43 am Reply

    Iva, my course that I am currently putting together goes into this and more, in a lot of detail… I must get you to do it when it’s ready!

    PS: love you lots!

    • Iva Ursano August 9, 2017 at 9:19 pm Reply

      Hey Maria thanx so much for popping by!! Can’t wait for your course 🙂 and love you back loads.

      much love

  2. Kathy August 5, 2017 at 1:51 pm Reply

    I figured out, for me, the most powerful message I could send was to give them back their words. I had this card I had been hanging onto and realized it was a trigger to my anxiety. The words written in the card had meant a lot at one time.and for closure I felt he needed to fully understand how I now felt. tearing up the card would not have been enough to give me closure. So I gave the card back to him. I am sure my message was clear as he could not imagine that i would not still want him regardless if he didn’t want me anymore. This action of giving him back his words set me free mentally and emotionally. I am so much better now and can actually think about him without the anxiety. So my point is, find that thing that is triggering you and figure out how to eliminate it.

    • Iva Ursano August 9, 2017 at 9:18 pm Reply

      Good stuff Kathy!! What a great way to release a trigger. Glad you are in a better space.

      much love

  3. Judy Reed August 5, 2017 at 7:29 pm Reply

    Iva, I really enjoyed you article. Some people, I believe have at
    least a couple of things that will piss them of when they appear
    Out of know where.
    I have a couple myself. I find that I ask myself is it worth it to
    think about, do I get anything out it and will it make me feel
    better. The answer is NO. I too have had to forgive an awful
    lot of people, still doing it actually. Everything takes time. Relax
    and have a tequila.

    • Iva Ursano August 9, 2017 at 9:17 pm Reply

      Hi Judy thanx for your comment and so glad you enjoyed the blog. And you’re right, everything takes time and time is better spent with a shot of tequila every now and then 😉

      much love

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