It’s not easy. Letting go. We like to hang on to all the memories, the happy, the sad and the pain. Oh how we like to hang on to the pain. We like to dig that shit up and talk about it to anyone who will listen because, you know, everyone wants to hear about your pain.

So when do we let go? When do we finally get to the point where we don’t want to dredge it up anymore? I mean, seriously, how long do you need to keep talking about that asshole who hurt you 10 years ago? Really.

Ok, so I get that letting go isn’t easy. At all. I used to hang on to too much shit for a long long time. It’s heavy. That stuff weighs you down.

During my self healing and self discovery phase I realized it was time. I knew it was going to be hard. I also knew that it was time to let go of the broken pieces of the past that I had held on to for far too long because they defined me. Or…did they?

They were my story. They were who Iva was and why Iva is the way she is today.

But…it was time to let all that go and create a new story. A much happier one. A lighter one. So how did I do this? Using these 4 super simple steps. I’m not guaranteeing they will work for you but they may. You won’t know until you try.

I’m not that person

That person who was hurt and broken so many years ago. I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve learned from the lessons and the pain. So why do I still need to carry this pain and anger? I don’t. It’s not who I am anymore.

Remind yourself that you don’t live in the past anymore and bringing all that to the present or future will do you only harm. Remember, we are here for joy.

Pain is heavy

Grudges, hate, anger, all those negative and toxic emotions get heavy, really heavy. The thorn in your side, the monkey on your back and the chip on your shoulder only add to the black ugly blob of anger seething inside of you.

So. Is all that extra weight necessary? Don’t you want to know what it’s like to feel like you’re walking on clouds? Aren’t you tired of that stinking fucking monkey and really, is that thorn starting to sprout?

When you finally decide to release all the people who hurt you, I mean really let go, it will feel like you just shed dead weight. You did.

What’s the purpose?

No, really, what’s the purpose of that grudge, that anger, that hate? Is there a deeper meaning to why you want to hold on to it? Does it have a purpose? Will there be great satisfaction for you on your last day because you were able to hold onto all that pain for your whole life (doesn’t that sound absolutely ridiculous)?

I think it’s entitlement, or maybe that’s the wrong word, like a trophy. You hold it up high and shout “Look at all this pain. I’m stronger now because of it but I’m also angrier”.

Put it down. It’s not a trophy it’s a black ball of toxicity. It’s ugly and it has no purpose. When you realize there’s no purpose to it,  it’s easier to dump it.

What’s ahead?

How will you ever know? You’re still clinging to the past. You aren’t making space for super good stuff to enter your life. What’s ahead is just a long dirty path of anger, hatred and pain. I think you’ve been on that path long enough. Don’t you agree?

The sooner you realize you are blocking good from coming to you, the sooner you will let go and make room for it. What you focus on, you get.

Are you ready?

I mean, are you really ready to let go? Take these steps for a test drive and see if they help you. I bet they will. But….

you have to be ready.

Hey, is that happiness I see up there around the corner?

Peace and Love



Written by Iva Ursano

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