How to Cope When Life Isn’t All Rainbows and Lollipops

Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano

If you follow me faithfully (oh come on, I know you do!) you know that I’m a pretty positive and bubbly girl and I love to spread sunshine and sprinkle pixie dust everywhere BUT you also know that I totally get that life serves us crap sometimes and we have to deal with it.

It deals us good, bad and ugly and sometimes we are left dealing with trauma from the past. That trauma sends us reeling backwards because the memory of it honestly just came out of nowhere.

You know, when life takes a turn for the worst, or should I say when days have gone bad or a trigger comes up there’s no pixie dust when these kinds of things happen. When life throws lemons and other random crap, no amount of pixie dust is gonna cheer us up.

And truth be told, we’re not really interested in rainbows and lollipops and pixie dust. We’re mad or sad or fed up or whatever and leave us alone or get the hell out of our way while we spew copious amounts of obscenities to the sky.

Are you with me so far?

When the good is good.

You know, when we’re walking on sunshine and happy as a pig in poop, we shout off the rooftops and make sure everyone knows we’re damn happy!

We love our “feel good” days. They’re awesome and we all wish that feeling can last forever. Everything goes smoothly and perfectly when we’re walking on cloud 9.

Life is good.

The bad and the ugly.

And……then there’s the bad and the ugly. The emotions we try to bury deep so no one can see them. We don’t even want to see or acknowledge it. Get behind me Satan. There’s no place for you here. Most of the time, the bad and the ugly is simply trauma triggers.

Right?

You know, when the ugly creeps up, we don’t even know how to handle it. Like, what the hell am I supposed to do with this? Toss it in the garbage? Throw it at the wall and hope it disappears in the plaster? Drink myself into an oblivion?

We don’t want to deal with it and it tears at us and rips us to shreds leaving us in a heap on the floor sobbing hysterically (or is that just me?).

So how do we cope with life when it’s dark and ugly?

You know we all prefer to revel in the good and ignore the bad.

So why do we do that? Embrace and flaunt the good and bury the bad like a squirrel buries a tulip bulb. Why are we not embracing and feeling ALL our emotions?

The good, the bad and the ugly. Why do we have such a hard time dealing with trauma?

I recently had a really really bad nightmare that woke me up crying and scared. It was trauma from my childhood and it stayed with me the whole day. I cried the whole day. I kept myself busy, rearranged the furniture in my one room apartment, did some computer work and cried.

I felt all the emotions from this nightmare and the trauma. The ordeal played in my mind like a bad song that gets played a million times on the radio. I didn’t talk to anyone that day for the most part. I couldn’t really talk. I didn’t want to.

Let it all out girl.

So let it out I did. I embraced all my emotions and then when I was ready to talk, I let that all out too. All the horrible things my parents did to us growing up. I found a good friend who was willing to just listen. I didn’t need anyone to lick my wound.

Just let me talk and listen to me. And that’s what my friend did.

And it felt really  good.

You see, I have learned to embrace all my emotions and I’m damn good at it. I am rarely struck by ugly or bad stuff but when it hits, I deal. Like a champ. Wanna know why?

Because the alternative sucks.

What’s the alternative to effectively coping with life when it’s ugly?

What’s the alternative? Holding it all in and pretending it doesn’t exist. Holding it all in and pretending that you’re ok. Holding it all in and letting it eat at you all day/week/month/year…you get the idea. Holding it all in and faking happiness. That whole fake it til you make it doesn’t cut it here.

And besides, we all need a little release sometimes, amirite?

Stop pretending you’re ok and stop hiding your sad. Feel it, embrace it, let it all pour out, find an ear who will listen and then kick back and pat yourself on the back for being strong and brave enough to do that.

Because really, it takes balls to look ugly dead in the eye and overcome it.

Peace and Love

Iva