So another Mother’s Day is here. I’m a mom. My son loves me to the moon and back. He’s a good kid but he’s also really good at forgetting Mother’s Day. He doesn’t do it on purpose. “Mom, why do you need one special day to honor you? I love you every day.” Well, I get that and it makes sense. But……
We don’t all have great mothers. We don’t all have mothers who we want to honor on any given day, especially not on Mother’s Day.
…and then there’s my mom.
Well, she certainly wasn’t the Spawn of Satan but there were many many times during my life I was sure her and the Devil did exchange notes and shake hands.
There was that one time she let my dad beat me in front of company ( a Church minister and his wife) and she did nothing to stop him (nobody did). Actually any time my dad beat me she never stopped him. She usually just left the room or stood by and watched.
And then there’s that time she beat me so bad I think she may have even hurt her own fists which is why she stopped. I was 11 yrs old that time.
Oh and then there was that time she banned me from going onto their property because I finally decided to move the fuck out and move in with my boyfriend at 18 and she called me a whore (a name she called me quite often actually) and told me to leave.
But the one time I will NEVER forget for as long as I live was when she beat my older sister and tied her to the bed so she wouldn’t *escape* and told me not to untie her. I was 13 yrs old and absolutely fucking horrified.
The beatings I’ve forgiven her for. She didn’t know any better. Or did she? Doesn’t really matter now.
She was always very angry and always treating my dad so poorly. Mind you at that time, even though I felt he deserved every foul insult she spewed at him, I still kinda felt bad for him. Oh she was mean and angry and almost borderline hateful.
Was she all bad? Well, I didn’t see a nicer side of her until we all grew up, got married (and then divorced) and had kids of our own. Suddenly she became Mary fucking Poppins. Was that her redemption? I don’t know. Did she one day just wake up after we were all grown and gone and shout *a-ha* I can be a nice lady!!
I’m not really sure what happened to her but she became nice. She became the mother that anyone really would have wanted. Loving, caring, supportive. Was it too late? Not for me it wasn’t. I’ll take it. Besides, she owed it to me.
I think my mom did her best to be a good person. I also think my mom had two lives. The evil one behind closed doors and then the Church going one. Yup, she actually was heavily involved in the Church. Lay Minister, Church Choir, etc. Oh how she loved the Church and God.
I dunno I still don’t get it….
But anyway, the last 10 years my mom has been rotting away in a nursing home waiting to die. She’s in the final stages of Alzheimers and we all just pray for her death. Like, enough already. Just take her for fuck sakes.
Karma? Honestly, I think so.
So what’s this day all about for the rest of us?
For those of us who don’t really honor our moms, what’s it all for? For me, it’s about being a good mom to my son and it’s about thanking my mom for the life she’s given me.
I actually have a pretty sweet life. I’ve forgiven her and my dad and all the other mean people in my life who claimed to love me and hurt me anyway. I’ve forgiven you all.
Mother’s Day for me is being grateful to the person who brought me here, on earth, to live out the most amazing life ever. Thank you, I love you.
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Peace and Love