Do you remember being 25 and thinking “Oh shit 50 is so old and horrible?” I kinda do. I also kinda remember at 35 and 45 thinking “Oh shit 50 is coming soon! Eeeeep!” And then 50 showed up and I was like, “Oh, shit that happened fast. Now what?”
You know, my life has had many twists and turns. Many frustrating moments and many wonderful moments. TONS of what the fuck moments and just as many this is fucking great moments but I have to tell you, in all honesty, 50 kinda scared me. I was certain that by the time I hit 50 it was all gonna go downhill from there. Yup, I thought that.
Then it happened…
50 came. My ex had a big 50th bash for me. I drank myself into an oblivion and prepared for the end to come. The end of a fun youthful life as we know it. I spent the next little while wondering what the rest of my life was gonna be about.
What will it all be for? What am I supposed to do? What haven’t I done yet and, the bigger question for me was, Is it too late? Did I miss the boat?
What did happen, as time passed, was that I became more aware of who I was, what I had done so far and what I still needed to do. One of the biggest things, what proved to be the most life changing thing, that I had to do was leave my emotionally abusive relationship. Top of the list it was. And halfway into my 50th year, I did just that.
And so life began…
I started figuring out me and my life. For the first time in my life, I was on my own to find out who I was and what the fuck was I here for. Age suddenly didn’t matter. I was too wrapped up in getting my shit together and discovering my path, my purpose, my passion and living. I really just wanted to start living. Something I feel I hadn’t been doing.
51 came and then 52, 53, 54 and then the numbers suddenly didn’t really matter anymore. I was finally living and having fun and being me. I was finally me and enjoying this life. The more I lived and enjoyed, the younger and more youthful I felt. I didn’t feel 50-ish anymore. Some days I felt 16, others 25, and I think some days I may have even felt, and acted 10!
Life was good. Life was so good and it just didn’t matter how old I was.
And off I went…
Off I went to do the biggest baddest and bravest thing I have ever done in my life. Sold my entire life, packed up two suitcases and bought a one way ticket to Guatemala. Why? Because it was time to live, I mean really live and NOT care about how old I was or that the clock was ticking.
It was time for Iva to go be free and embrace this gift of life that, for far too long, she had taken for granted, bitched about, was afraid of and even, once or twice, thought about ending.
Yup it was time to enjoy life.
I mean, it had to get better right? It couldn’t get worse and, at this point, I had nothing to lose. I was on my own for the first time, totally unsupervised. Me and my life and this big bad world.
I was 53 years old.
I had to face fears, pull up my big girl panties and get on with life. I had to change my attitude from *life is bullshit and I’m too scared to do anything* to *hey life, let’s rock and roll*!!
Does attitude matter? You bet!
You can argue with me ’til the cows come home and you’ll always be wrong. When your attitude changes from bad to good your whole world changes. When you go from *I’m too old to do shit* to *Weeeeeeeee I wanna live!!!!* the world opens up and shows you exactly what’s out there.
I got ballsy and curious. I took risks and laughed in the face of danger.
I started doing things that I didn’t do enough of:
- having fun
- playing with kids
- giving, sharing and loving more
- not caring what others think
- facing fear and going on adventures
Life was waiting for me and it didn’t give a fuck how old I was.
How old are you anyway?
I look in the mirror and never once think OMG I’m getting old. I look in the mirror and see a youthful glowing spirit. I see a woman who, at one time, was desperately afraid of getting older and dying, to now a woman who feels and acts like a kid and is living life to the absolute fullest.
I often get asked my age down here and people are always in shock when I tell them this year I’ll be 55. It’s my youthful spirit, I say. It’s my zest for life. It’s me taking care of myself and enjoying this wonderful thing called life.
It’s my attitude.
And my life, after 50, has begun!
Who’s up for splashing in the puddles in with me?
Peace and Love