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How to ask for help

How to Ask For Help When It’s Really Uncomfortable

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I was listening to this fabulous podcast the other day and the speaker talked about reaching out. This included reaching out to your friends. She really got me thinking. Am I reaching out to people enough? Do I need to ask for help more than I do?

I know that for some people the trouble is we simply don’t know how to ask for help without feeling inferior, like a loser or a failure or weak.

Her message really made me stop and look at things differently! I am connected with people on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn but only really communicate with a handful of them (mind you, it’s hard to actually get any kind of message across on Twitter to anybody. Squirrel!!). I’ve also just recently moved to another country and seem to have disconnected from all my friends and some of my family back home.

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How to ask for help when it's really uncomfortable

I got this, I don’t need your help

How many of you keep saying this? ” I don’t need anyone’s help, I got this”. 

Well hurray for you maybe you do got this. But what if you don’t? Then what? Do you know how to ask for help or do you even bother trying or would you rather just sulk away in a closet and hope no one finds out that you, in fact, don’t got this.

Who are we trying to impress anyway? Do we have something to prove to someone? Maybe you are trying to prove something to yourself and that’s totally cool. I get that.

For years I was considered a failure and a loser. Nothing I did worked. Nothing I did was right. I felt like I was constantly trying to prove myself to someone and I would never, or I should say very rarely, ask for help. It just wasn’t my thing.

I believed that if I had to ask for help, then I was, once again a failure and I couldn’t stand to think I failed again.

That’s how I used to think. You probably still think like this don’t you? Don’t worry. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to inspire and motivate you. Maybe even get you to see things a wee bit differently too!

How to ask for help when it’s really uncomfortable

So how do we ask for help without feeling like a failure or a loser? How do we ask for help when we really truly do need it but our egos get in the way and we believe that people will think we are too dumb or stupid to do something on our own?

And I know you’re also afraid someone will laugh at you. “As if you don’t know how to do that!! hahaha”. Yup, sadly there are people like that out there. There are people who are chomping at the bit to see you fail.

Never mind those people. Honestly, don’t even give them a second thought. Those aren’t the people you should be asking for help from anyway.

We’re going to discuss a few things about asking for help when it’s really awkward and uncomfortable and why you should do it more often.

How to ask for help with depression

I also understand that anyone suffering with depression also have a really difficult time asking for help. I remember when I had hit rock bottom I didn’t ask anyone for help. I stayed in my apartment and screamed and cried for days. For me, this was the therapy I needed before I was ready to reach out to anyone for help.

But for people with depression it’s very different. They don’t ask for help because not many people understand them or their mental illness. Here is an article from Tiny Buddha that may help you.

Healing From Depression:It Begins With Asking For Help

Asking for help when you really don’t want to

Let me explain something very important to you. People genuinely do care and want to help. I need you to let that sink in for one minute. Independent of the jerks who are waiting to laugh at you, there is a whole other group of people who love you and want to help you.

People really do care. 

Whether you think they do or not, they do. There are people, your friends, family, neighbours, maybe even co workers just waiting by the phone for you to call (or text) to ask for help.

Know one thing, people aren’t stupid. Especially the people who care about you. They can see right through your ” I got this” tough facade and wish they could help you. They even offered but you shut them down faster than they could get the offer out.

Don’t be so quick to say no. Let people help.

Learn and grow

I get that you want to figure out this thing all by yourself. But then you know if you don’t, you just toss it under the rug and pretend it didn’t even exist in the first place.

For the love of God and everything holy, you already know that Henry from the cubicle down the hall knows exactly how to do this. Go and ask him for help. You aren’t going to look stupid. You are going to look like you are eager to learn and motivated to grow and advance in your already insane skills.

We learn and grow together when we ask people for help.

They were waiting to hear from you

So check this out. Let’s say your ego has held you back from calling a certain person for help and when you finally swallow your pride and do call them, that person is actually really excited and happy to be hearing from you.

This person just may very well be going through a really hard time in their life right now and you calling them has given them back some purpose in their life. Like they finally feel someone needs them. Can you imagine that feeling?

When we allow other to help, it makes them feel really good. I mean, really really good. And don’t we want people to feel good? Of course we do!

If you ask for help, you aren’t a loser, you’re a winner!!

That whole “I’m a loser a failure, weak and stupid because I had to ask for help” thing, you really need to let go of this right now. You know why asking for help makes you a winner and not a loser?

Because it shows vulnerability. And lemme tell you something. There is nothing more beautiful than that. Check out this post on why being vulnerable is actually a really good thing.

5 Reasons It’s Important For You to Be Vulnerable

Sure it’s cool to be all brave and courageous and show people we can do everything ourselves but guess what, we really can’t do everything. Sometimes we need help. Show those people that even though you are smart and awesome af, you don’t know everything and you aren’t too proud to ask for help!!

Vulnerability is a beautiful thing. This awesome book by Brené Brown on being vulnerable is definitely worth a read

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Start Practicing

I know this is all new and awkward to you but I want you to start practicing calling your peeps and asking for help. I want you to know that your peeps really truly want to help you and wish you would give them the opportunity to do just that.

You need to put your pride and ego away because they are both useless. They don’t serve you at all. Remember that. Also remember that when you ask for help, it brings you closer to things and people who matter.

Call your friends. Now.

Catching up over a bottle of wine is usually pretty fun too!

Have you checked out my new self help eBook From Hell to Happiness yet? You should! Click here for more info and to download your copy today!

Peace and Love


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Iva Ursano is a retired hairstylist turned badass freelancer, who left behind 52 years of her life in Northern Ontario, Canada for a life of freedom, love and beauty in sunny Guatemala. She has two main purposes in life: feed hungry bellies and help inspire people to live a life of joy and love.