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How to Find Self Love in 10 Beautiful Steps

Last Updated on 1 year by Iva Ursano

If we’ve never felt love or been loved properly, we have no idea what real love feels like and the way we love ourselves is a reflection of all that. Today we’re going to talk about how to find self love so people will know how to love you the right way.

I’m no stranger to heart break and toxic relationships. I have never been loved properly and gave myself away to anyone who showed me a the least bit of attention, good or bad. I knew this was unhealthy and it wasn’t until I left my last abusive relationship back in 2012 that I finally started working on myself.

During my self-healing journey I had to figure out how to find self love, self respect, self confidence, self worth and so much more. I was tired of hating myself.

I hated my life and I hated everything in it and almost everything I’d done up to that point that got me to where I was. My life was a mess. So was I.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbed my eyes out hoping the end would come soon. Yup. I have. I’m sure many of you have as well. Thank God we don’t we stay there, right? Phew.

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So how do we love and honour ourselves again after a big heartache or let down? How can we soften the blow or better yet, help to shorten the time we mourn?

I’m all about finding self love and keeping it and I believe that the more we love ourselves the easier it is to get over hurts.

I want to share 10 simple self love tips that have gotten me through the worst of times in my life. I hope some of them will help you too, either now or in the future.

What is the importance of self love?

I honestly don’t think enough people realize the importance of self love. I didn’t. I never did. I thought I loved myself but my ridiculous actions proved otherwise.

It wasn’t until I left my last abusive relationship that I finally understood the importance of loving myself first.

We do a lot of really dumb things when we don’t love ourselves and people will treat us according to our actions. Read that again. How you treat and love yourself is exactly how others will treat and love you.

Do you get that?

How do you want people to treat you? Do you want people to love and respect you? Of course you do. But it’s hard for them to do that when you don’t love or respect yourself.

Please understand that one very crucial thing.

How to find self love in 10 beautiful and loving steps

Did you know it’s actually fun learning how to find self love? It sure is. I’m gonna share with you 5 really cool and fun things you can do that will bring tons of joy to your heart and soul and help you love yourself up some!

I can almost promise you, after you do any of these things, you’re gonna be giddy and happy. Yup.

1) Date night

With yourself. Take yourself to a movie or a cafe or for dinner or wherever but go out.

By yourself.

Now some may argue and say this is depressing, trust me, it’s not. It’s actually very therapeutic. Why? Because you get to do some serious self reflection and it is during this time you will discover that you really are amazing and you are going to be ok.

You’ll see. Put on your sparkly earrings, your favourite dress and get out of the house. You never know who you may meet while you’re out!

2) Flowers and Wine!

When was the last time you treated yourself to wine and flowers and honestly, who doesn’t love a fresh bouquet on their dining room table? If you can’t really afford to treat yourself to a beautiful arrangement from the florist then go out into the fields and pick some flowers there!

Flowers have the ability to cheer anybody up in two seconds. A joy that can last up to two weeks really! You’ll love doing this so much you just may make it a regular habit!

3) Curl up with a good book

Haven’t read a book in a long long long time? Well maybe now’s the time. Doesn’t have to be a romance novel unless that’s your thing.

I prefer to read self help or motivational stuff and usually on my iPad. When was the last time you sat in your cozy chair or curled up in bed with a good book and a nice cup of tea?

Might be time. It will certainly take your mind off of things and shorten the mourning time. It’s also an amazing way to love and honour yourself and to appreciate some of the things you do, for you!

4) Dear Me, I love you.

Love letter anyone? Have you ever written yourself a love letter?

This is probably the most heartwarming and beautiful thing you could ever do for yourself. I love doing this and do it often.

Write a letter to yourself telling yourself how much you love you and how awesome you are and amazing and all that other good gushy stuff.

Pour it on thick. No holds barred. Write for as long as you want. Then read it back to yourself. You’re gonna wanna marry yourself after this one!

5) Stop blaming yourself for everything

You’re not perfect. Nothing is permanent. Not everything works out the way we imagine it in our minds. The sooner you realize and remember this, the sooner you will heal.

Remind yourself that no matter what happened, it happened for a reason. There was a lesson to be learned.

Don’t beat yourself up over whatever happened. It’s not your fault. Acknowledge that too. You’re not perfect. We are all still growing and learning. Bless the lesson, learn from it, love yourself for growing stronger and wiser and move on.

And release it. Do this as often as you have to.

Too many times we find fault in ourselves when things go wrong. We are not to blame. Things just happen. Life happens. We don’t have control over everything but we can control our emotions and reactions to things. Remember, it’s definitely ok to cry and break down, we need to do that. Just don’t stay there.

6) Mirror talk

Go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful and amazing you are and how much you love yourself. At first this will feel awkward and fake but keep doing it.

One day you’ll feel it and believe it and before you know it, you’ll be smooching yourself in the mirror!! ha!!

7) Treat yourself once a week

Get a mani or pedi, go get your hair done. Maybe try on a new shade of lipstick or buy a sexy pair of jeans. Whatever tickles your fancy, go do that.

Nothing better than soaking in a nice hot bubbly bath with candles burning and soft music in the background. Go love yourself up girl!!!

8) Say no more often

People pleasers where are you? Too often we say yes to everyone and no to ourselves because we want to make everyone happy. Stop doing that. You are more important than anyone else.

Time to start saying no when you really mean NO and say yes to YOU and the things that make you happy.

9) Eat the damn cake!!

So many of us don’t indulge because we may gain a pound or two or get a zit or whatever. Please eat the cake, at least once a month!! If you love it, eat it.

Does it make you feel blissfully happy? Does it feel like heaven in your mouth? Then say yes to the cake (or pie or ice cream or whatever!!).

10) Follow your heart

Too many of us don’t chase our dreams or follow our hearts because we think people will laugh at us or we’ll fail or worse yet, that someone will think it’s a dumb idea. If it’s in your head and makes your heart happy it’s NOT a dumb idea.

Go and chase more of your dreams and start listening to your heart and your intuition more. You only live once. Don’t live with regret.

My journey to self love

I’m happy to report that though I had to figure out how to find self love by myself, I did it and I’ve never been happier. It’s not to say I don’t have bad days and triggers. I do.

My journey to self love was messy, hard, frustrating and ugly but it was so worth it.

It’s my hope that this small list of things to do in order to find self love will help you even just a little bit.

What is the key to self love?

If I had to share one valuable piece of advice on how to find self love it would be this:

Once we find it and start loving ourselves the way we should, it’s important to maintain it and keep working at it. The personal growth and self healing journey is a long one but it’s so rewarding.

It can also be very frustrating. It’s so important to maintain your boundaries and stick to your goal which is loving yourself. It’s so easy to get thrown off track.

Don’t beat yourself up if you did, just get back on track as soon as you can. Learn the lesson and move on.

You might also like these related articles:

I hope this post helps you on your self love path. To love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Dear Me, I love you. You’re awesome.

Peace and Love


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  1. These are really great ideas. You need to love yourself first before you can start loving anyone else.

    1. Absolutely Kasia. It’s so important xoxox Thank you :)

  2. Hi,
    Great post, feeling so relaxed and happy.
    And I am sure gonna try this.

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