intuitive angel card reader | self help author
woman sitting on rock-how to find self love

How to Find Self Love After Your Heart Has Been Crushed

Sharing is caring!

Breaking up sucks. Losing a job sucks. Falling out with a friend sucks. Really, anything that makes our heart sad, just sucks. I’m no stranger to heartbreak. I’ve lost businesses, money, friends, relationships, jobs, you name it, it’s gone. I’ve also lost a lot of my self love while going through all this crap.

During my self-healing journey I had to figure out how to find self love again. I was tired of hating myself.

Now I’m not telling you this about me to make you feel sorry for me. Oh hell no. I don’t even feel sorry for me. I had what I had and now it’s gone. C’est la vie. I’ll tell you though, immediately after the loss, any loss for that matter, the heartbreak is almost crippling, amirite?

I can’t even count how many times I’ve curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbed my eyes out hoping the end would come soon. Yup. I have. I’m sure many of you have as well. Thank God we don’t we stay there, right? Phew.

(this post contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)

So how do we love and honour ourselves again after a big heartache or let down? How can we soften the blow or better yet, help to shorten the time we mourn?

Have you grabbed your copy of my self help guide From Hell to Happiness yet? I talk an awful lot about how to find self love, let go of the past and live your dream life. Download your copy now. Click the link below! You won’t be sorry.

From Hell to Happiness

I’m all about finding self love and keeping it and I believe that the more we love ourselves the easier it is to get over hurts.

I want to share 5 simple self love tips that have gotten me through the worst of times in my life. I hope some of them will help you too, either now or in the future.

But first I want to share this amazing TedX talk with you that I found the other day. Dr. Andrea Pennington is amazing and this talk is so powerful. Enjoy!

What is the importance of self love?

I honestly don’t think enough people realize the importance of self love. I didn’t. I never did. I thought I loved myself but my ridiculous actions proved otherwise.

It wasn’t until I left my last abusive relationship that I finally understood the importance of loving myself first.

We do a lot of really dumb things when we don’t love ourselves and people will treat us according to our actions. Read that again. How you treat and love yourself is exactly how others will treat and love you.

Do you get that?

How do you want people to treat you? Do you want people to love and respect you? Of course you do. But it’s hard for them to do that when you don’t love or respect yourself.

Please understand that one very crucial thing.

How to find self love in 5 fun simple steps

Did you know it’s actually fun learning how to find self love? It sure is. I’m gonna share with you 5 really cool and fun things you can do that will bring tons of joy to your heart and soul and help you love yourself up some!

I can almost promise you, after you do any of these things, you’re gonna be giddy and happy. Yup.

Date night

With yourself. Take yourself to a movie or a coffee house or for dinner or wherever but go out.

By yourself.

Now some may argue and say this is depressing, trust me, it’s not. It’s actually very therapeutic. Why? Because you get to do some serious self reflection and it is during this time you will discover that you really are amazing and you are going to be ok.

You’ll see. Put on your sparkly earrings, your favourite dress and get out of the house. You never know who you may meet while you’re out!

Flowers and Wine!

When was the last time you treated yourself to wine and flowers and honestly, who doesn’t love a fresh bouquet on their dining room table? If you can’t really afford to treat yourself to a beautiful arrangement from the florist then go out into the fields and pick some flowers there!

Flowers have the ability to cheer anybody up in two seconds. A joy that can last up to two weeks really! You’ll love doing this so much you just may make it a regular habit!

What’s on your bookshelf?

Haven’t read a book in a long long long time? Well maybe now’s the time. Doesn’t have to be a romance novel unless that’s your thing.

I prefer to read self help or motivational stuff and usually on my iPad. When was the last time you sat in your cozy chair or curled up in bed with a good book and a nice cup of tea?

Might be time. It will certainly take your mind off of things and shorten the mourning time.

Dear Me, I love you.

Love letter anyone? Have you ever written yourself a love letter?

This is probably the most heartwarming and beautiful thing you could ever do for yourself. I love doing this and do it often.

Write a letter to yourself telling yourself how much you love you and how awesome you are and amazing and all that other good gushy stuff.

Pour it on thick. No holds barred. Write for as long as you want. Then read it back to yourself. You’re gonna wanna marry yourself after this one!

Accept, Acknowledge and Release

You’re not perfect. Nothing is permanent. Not everything works out the way we imagine it in our minds. The sooner you realize and remember this, the sooner you will heal.

Remind yourself that no matter what happened, it happened for a reason. There was a lesson to be learned.

Don’t beat yourself up over whatever happened. It’s not your fault. Acknowledge that too. You’re not perfect. We are all still growing and learning. Bless the lesson, learn from it, love yourself for growing stronger and wiser and move on.

And release it. Do this as often as you have to.

Too many times we find fault in ourselves when things go wrong. We are not to blame. Things just happen. Life happens. We don’t have control over everything but we can control our emotions and reactions to things. Remember, it’s definitely ok to cry and break down, we need to do that. Just don’t stay there.

What is the key to self love?

If I had to share one valuable piece of advice on how to find self love it would be this:

Once we find it and start loving ourselves the way we should, it’s important to maintain it and keep working at it. The personal growth and self healing journey is a long one but it’s so rewarding.

It can also be very frustrating. It’s so important to maintain your boundaries and stick to your goal which is loving yourself. It’s so easy to get thrown off track.

Don’t beat yourself up if you did, just get back on track as soon as you can. Learn the lesson and move on.

You might also like these related articles:

I hope this post helps you on your self love path. To love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Did you love this post? Does what I share with you move you in any way shape or form? Do you love the blogs I share with you?

If anything I have ever shared with you has inspired, motivated, empowered or enlightened you please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee!!

A simple, small and lovely way to say “Thank you Iva”!! Click the button below. Thank you love you!! xoxo

Dear Me, I love you. You’re awesome.

Peace and Love


Sharing is caring!

4 Responses

  1. These are really great ideas. You need to love yourself first before you can start loving anyone else.

    1. Absolutely Kasia. It’s so important xoxox Thank you :)

  2. Hi,
    Great post, feeling so relaxed and happy.
    And I am sure gonna try this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Iva Ursano is a retired hairstylist turned badass freelancer, who left behind 52 years of her life in Northern Ontario, Canada for a life of freedom, love and beauty in sunny Guatemala. She has two main purposes in life: feed hungry bellies and help inspire people to live a life of joy and love.