How to Ask For Help When You Feel Hopeless (and want to give up)
Last Updated on 3 years by Iva Ursano
Let’s face it, no one likes asking for help. Many of us feel like when we do, it shows weakness but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m going to show you how easy it really can be.
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Asking for help doesn’t make you a loser
We need to get that out of the way right now. Just because you reached out for help doesn’t mean you’re a loser. Quite the opposite actually. People who dig deep and are brave enough to ask are those who realize a few things:
- they can’t deal with their issue alone anymore
- they want to improve/fix the situation but don’t know how
- they desperately want someone to help them
Does this make anyone a loser? Of course not! It shows your strength and your willingness to accept help from others. This is a good thing!
I need help with my life
Being able to recognize that you need help and are willing to ask someone for help is a big first step. When you can stop and say to yourself “Alright, I need help with my life now” you’ve taken that first step.
Kudos to you.
Now the second step is actually reaching out to someone for help. You actually have to pick up the phone or send out that text/email and ask! That’s the hard scary part.
We don’t want to bother anyone. We don’t want people to think less of us. We don’t want people to see that our life really is a big fat disaster. We just don’t.
But you have to know one very important thing: People genuinely and truly do want to help. Honest, they do!
Some of us need more help than what our friends or family can offer. If you need help with depression or mental health or other more serious issues please contact a professional.
I’ve recently partnered up with the awesome people over at online-therapy.com and they truly do care and want to help. Click the link here or the image below to speak to a counselor today
When you feel hopeless
It’s especially hard when you feel hopeless.
“Nothing is right. Nothing will work. Nothing can be done”.
“This is a nightmare. I’ll never make it through this”.
Any of that sound familiar? Trust me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there so many times I’ve lost count. When you feel hopeless you are certain that no one else can help you either.
I don’t know about you but sometimes I get into this mindset of “Well if I can’t help myself than no one else can help me”. That really couldn’t be farther from the truth.
That’s the exact time you need to reach out for help. When you feel hopeless. Someone else can see things through a totally different pair of eyes and with a different mindset. They see hope and light where all we see is despair and darkness.
So how do you ask for help without feeling like a loser?
The first thing you must do is stop calling yourself a loser. You’re not. And you’re not a failure either. You’re not weak. You’re not a pain in the ass.
You’re none of those things.
You are human. Not a superhuman. Just human. None of us are superhumans and believe it or not, everyone needs help sometimes with things.
We don’t all have our lives together and we all need each other. So you’re not alone. Keep that in mind.
Let me share a few simple tips with you. I think once you realize it’s pretty simple and harmless, you’ll have no trouble reaching out for help next time you need it (or any time ever).
Tips on asking for help
Some of the things I want to share are tips and some things are just points to ponder, food for thought if you will, to help you get past the difficulty of reaching out for help.
1 You’re not weak and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Get that thought out of your head right now. You are strong and brave for asking. A weak person is someone who doesn’t reach out!!
I’m not sure why everyone has to pretend that their life is perfect and they never need help. It’s such bullshit. No one has a perfect life. No one is better than you.
2 Everyone needs help. You’re not the only person on the planet who has ever needed help. We all have. That’s what makes us human. We can’t fix all our own problems all the time.
Some things are just out of skillset or understanding. That’s why it’s ok to reach out to others. Someone else knows what you don’t. And on the flip side of that, you may have knowledge or a skill that can help someone else.
3 People love helping. Don’t worry that you are bothering anyone. Trust me, you aren’t. People do love to help and if someone makes you feel like you are bothering them, they are mean and ignorant. Go ask someone else.
You know who you can ask in your circle and who you can’t. Don’t ask the people who always give you a hard time. Ask someone else.
4 You’ll have a chance to pay it forward. You’re not going to be in this dark hole of helplessness and despair forever. One day you will come out smelling like roses and you’ll be able to pay that kindness forward.
I think this is my favourite part of it all. After I come out of whatever hell I am in and I then have a chance to do something kind for someone else. Mind you, you should just always be kind anyway but you get what I mean.
5 You’ll learn new things. This is how we grow and evolve. We don’t have all the answers and there are questions you have that someone does have the answer to. Ask, receive, learn and grow.
When we grow and learn and evolve? Ooph what a beautiful thing that is. And you now have one more skill (or maybe even more). Yay!
6 Don’t be afraid to ask for exactly what you need. Just get to the point, explain the situation and everything you need help with. If one person can’t help you with everything they will surely direct you to someone else who can help you with the rest.
And don’t be manipulative either. Don’t lure someone in with one small request and then dump a bunch more on them. That’s sneaky and not very nice.
7 Let them know you’ve tried everything. People love to help but they also want to know that you at least tried to help yourself and fell short.
Tell them you’ve done everything you could think of, or let them know you’re just simply tapped out and don’t know what else to do.
8 Practice in front of a mirror. This may seem weird but so many of us are embarrassed to ask and we just can’t bring ourselves to do it. Practice asking by looking at yourself in the mirror “Hi Sally I really need help with something and I’m wondering if you can help me”. See how easy that is?
9 Don’t get disheartened if the first person says no. Go ask someone else. When I hit rock bottom back in 2011 I had to ask a LOT of people for help. Some were able to and others just couldn’t. Not everyone has the capacity to help either, remember that.
10 Be proud of yourself for being vulnerable and real. Vulnerability is a admirable trait. People will have more respect for you and you can form some bonds this way too.
It’s ok to swallow your pride
No one has ever choked to death swallowing their pride. I know, shocker! So put your beloved pride aside, don’t worry about what other people think of you (it’s none of your business anyway) and reach out when you need help.
I used to have a real problem doing that and I’d have to admit I was pretty stubborn. “I can do it myself”!! Well Iva learned that she, in fact, can’t do everything herself and realized she wasn’t superwoman (dammit).
I have no problems anymore picking up the phone or sending that “I need help with something please” text or email. I know my friends want to help and when it’s all said and done, I’ve learned, grown, and paid this kindness forward too (that’s the best part really).
But I think the most important thing I need you to know is you aren’t weak and you’re not a loser or a failure. You’re a human being still trying to figure shit out like the rest of us.
And one day you’ll get the chance to pay it forward too!
ox iva ox
