Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano
As a woman, and also as a strong woman, sometimes my self esteem and self confidence slip. Even strong women have their bad days. Today, I want to share 8 ways to build self confidence. And read them again and again if you have to.
Share them with all your girlie peeps so they can build their confidence back up too!
Does it take long to build self confidence?
There’s no easy or fast answer to this one. Sometimes it just takes time and it also mostly depends on what type of person you are and how well or fast you can make changes and pick your spirits up and boost your confidence.
Some days I find myself sitting at the computer doing this little self talk exercise:
“You got this, you can do this, you’re amazing, stay the course, look how awesome you are…”
And some days this works, and some days it just doesn’t cut it. I think one of the most fun ways to build self confidence is through self talk. I love doing this. Check out this great article on some self talk examples to help you.
So talking to yourself and repeating words of encouragement is one thing but actually believing them all is sometimes a totally different thing. We don’t always believe what we tell ourselves, right?
It’s up to YOU to convince yourself that you are all that and a bag of chips!! Because you are dammit!! The more you do it, the sooner you will believe it and feel it. So does it take long to build self confidence? That’s up to you and how determined you are to change your life and the way you see yourself.
How to improve your self esteem
Many of us have had our self esteem, self worth, self confidence shattered by our upbringing or as a result of past toxic relationships. People have mentally and emotionally beat us down and, let’s face it, that’s a dark ugly place to be in.
With that said, it requires a lot of effort on your part to not stay down and to pick yourself back up again.
I used many many tools to help me recover my self worth. My self improvement journey was long, ugly, messy and beautiful. Some days I didn’t think I could put in the work anymore. Other days I could shout off a mountaintop.
Healing and self improvement is not easy and it’s not fast, but it’s so worth it.
Before we get into the 8 ways to build self confidence I would love if you took a minute to check out some of my mini self help eBooks in my eBook store (might be one just for you in there!) and my signature course, The 21 Day Life Changing Challenge.
If you’re serious about making radical changes in your life The 21 Day Challenge is for YOU. Please use coupon code YESIAMREADY for $40 OFF at checkout. My little gift to you!
8 Ways to build self confidence
1 See yourself through other people’s eyes
Take a minute to see yourself through the eyes of your children or parents or siblings or maybe even a co-worker who looks up to you.
These people love you, adore you, think you’re awesome and look up to you! Why? Because you ARE awesome.
We are hard on ourselves and often think we are unworthy or not doing a great job or that we suck..whatever. You are the bomb. There is no one in the world like you!!
Remember why everyone loves you and thinks you’re amazing!
2 Stop trying to impress people (pretending everything is great)
Stop trying to pretend you got your stuff together to impress people. Take the mask off, slowly, gently, easy does it now..ah there, the real you. Why do we have to make people think we’re some kind of comic book hero that can leap tall buildings in a single bound bla bla bla…it makes you look ridiculous.
Be confident in who you are without having to try to impress people. You made mistakes, you’re not perfect. No one is perfect and we’ve all made mistakes. It’s totally ok!!
3 Look for happiness in yourself, not other people
You won’t find happiness in things, people or places. Having a new partner isn’t going to make you happy if you aren’t already happy with yourself. Buying bright shiny things won’t make you happy either. Well, temporarily, yes. Permanently, no.
Do things that bring you joy. Find out what makes you happy inside and then do more of those things.
4 Stop being jealous
Jealousy is ugly. Ouch. That hurt didn’t it? I never truly thought this until someone pointed it out to me and then I experienced a jealous person and my first thought was “oh ya, that’s ugly”.
Jealousy is a negative emotion we feel towards another person because we don’t feel adequate with ourselves.
Keep this in mind, you are probably jealous of Susan because she seems sweet. Susan is probably jealous of you because you’re a bad***. See how what you are is enough? You’re welcome.
When we show jealousy it only shows people that we lack self confidence and self esteem. Just be happy for whoever whenever and dump the jealousy.
5 Believe people when they say you are beautiful
Really. Believe them. Because you are beautiful. Not only that, but people also don’t just generally throw around compliments like confetti (though I wish they would) because for some of us, well, it’s just plain awkward.
Accepts compliments with a smile and grace.
Next time someone tells you that you are beautiful, smile confidently (oh I know that’s gonna be tough for some of you) and say thank you with a proud beaming confident smile, ’cause girl, you are freaking beautiful!!
6 Don’t chase people
You know what I’m talking about here. You desperately want that person to like you, want you, love you but they don’t deserve you. You keep chasing people who keep running. If they wanted you they wouldn’t be running. As a matter of fact, they’d be chasing you.
If you’re looking for love and approval, look inside of you first. Never lower yourself to beg for someone’s attention. This should be given freely and with love. If you have to work for attention or affection, it’s not worth it, not to mention that it isn’t the kind of attention you want anyway.
7 Let go of grudges
You ever waste time going on and on about the person who did you wrong and how you hate them and then spew off a ton of other negative ugly stuff?
You know what I’m talking about.
Confident people don’t give a sh*t about the toxic people from the past. They’ve moved on with their life and spent time improving their lives, boosting their self esteem, self respect and confidence, and they let the past go.
Please do that too. One way to forgive people and let them go is through writing. This article might help you with that.
8 Speak only loving words to yourself
I mentioned this earlier on and yes it can be awkward but it’s so important and it’s one of the fun ways to build self confidence. Like when you look in the mirror and say to yourself “Damn girl you are looking might fine tonight!!”
I love doing that because it always makes me smile and giggle. And smiling is really beautiful :)
Don’t say negative things about yourself. We are not perfect but you don’t need to remind yourself daily of all your flaws either. Oy. Why would you do that? Self limiting beliefs really set us back and take away our self worth.
Some self help eBooks for you!
Here’s the link again to my self help eBook store. Below are a just a few of the awesome and powerful self help eBooks that I think you might like.
Don’t forget to share these 8 ways to build confidence!!
And don’t forget who the eff you are!!!
You are so worthy and beautiful. You are a gift to this world. Every woman, every human being is a gift to this world. I get that too, as a woman, it’s hard for us to know our worth. We think we are only here to serve.
Actually, we are ALL here to serve. We all have a purpose.
It’s tough being a woman but it’s friggin awesome too!
We are goddesses and we are slaves. We are a lot of different things that society tells us we are. But as a woman of strength, you can’t ever forget who you are, how strong you are, and how amazing you are.
Yes, it’s tough to be a woman in this day and age but it’s also the most beautiful thing in the world. As long as you don’t forget your value, your worth and self respect/self love/self confidence and self esteem.
Wrapping this up, remember:
- you deserve a life of love, joy, peace, and freedom
- you are so effin beautiful it’s crazy
- you are enough and no one is better than you
- you have something someone else wants or admires in you
- people smile when they think of you
“Mirror mirror on the wall…”…”Yes Iva, you are amazing!!”
Peace and Love