How To Trust Again After a Divorce

The reason we struggle with trust is because we feel like we’ve been betrayed. It’s a crappy weight to have on our shoulders. Similar to its other invasive cousins anger, guilt, and resentment, losing trust after your marriage is a major hurdle when it comes to getting your life back. We wonder if we will learn how to trust again.

But like all the other feelings, you have the power to break free from their hold and regain control of your life as you start its next chapter. Let’s discover how!

Trust and the Source of Betrayal

Many times, lack of trust comes from a sense of betrayal—which is exactly what you feel at the end of a marriage. Whether the betrayal was from simply growing apart, or from more insidious things like abandonment, abuse, or infidelity, it’s no wonder why you may feel like you cannot put your faith in anyone anymore.

As if that’s not bad enough, loss of trust can be nasty because it makes us doubt ourselves during a time when we deserve to be strong.

As difficult as this may seem though, there is one thing you must remember—the source of your betrayal stinks, but it does not get to define the rest of your future.

What happened to you does not define you.

This tenet is true with everything you experienced during divorce, but is one we tend to forget. When we were betrayed, we tend to view the work differently. We may think that everybody is out to get us, that we can no longer trust any of our relationships, and that we will not be able to depend or trust anything in our lives again. We may even think that learning how to trust again may not be in our best interests.

But as painful as betrayal has been, it is not your death sentence. It does not mean that nothing good will come your way again, or that you will not be able to heal. If anything, betrayal during your divorce, no matter how crazy or earth-shattering it may have been, actually shines a light on the toxicity of that relationship, and showing you that you deserve better than to be in a state where you cannot trust.

The next time that the hurt from mistrust creeps into your thoughts, you must remember the following:

Exercise: How to trust again

If learning how to trust again after divorce is something you have been struggling with, take a look at this simple exercise!

Answer the following questions:

What and whom can I depend on that I sometimes overlook ?  Take a look at my examples below!

It may not seem like much, but I know that my dog Oliver is always there for me. Whenever I come home after a long day of work or if I’m feeling sad, he can always sense it and he comes over with his tail wagging as he sits in my lap to snuggle.

My little sister has always been there for me. As we have gotten older, she has become a confidant, and shoulder to cry on, and a thinking partner when I am struggling with a problem.

How to trust again can start small with the people around you.

What will I do to acknowledge and celebrate those things?

I will continue to care for and spoil Oliver, who brings so much love into my life.  And the next time I talk to my little sister, I will let her know how much I appreciate her.

How will I embrace those things when I am triggered and feel mistrust and betrayal as I continue to heal?

When that wave of mistrust washes over me—which is many times when I think about the marriage—I will put that feeling on pause, and then remind myself of the many beautiful things in my life that I can depend on. I will list those things, and if I am physically near one of those things, I will reach out to them. For example, I will hug my dog and take him on a walk to clear my head. Or I will text my sister to see how she’s doing. Redirecting the negative feelings of betrayal into something positive will gently remind me that there are people and things in this life that I know I can depend on, who also depend on me. I will celebrate that trust and focus on that love instead.

So, how about you? Whom are the people and things in your life that you can depend on, and how can you draw on their energy to heal and build trust again?

Author Bio

Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce recovery coach whose website “Surviving Your Split” shows women 50 how to rebuild their confidence so they can move on with their lives.  If you want to download your own Free Divorce Warrior Survival Kit, stop by http://survivingyoursplit.com today!

Photo by Travis Bozeman on Unsplash

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Are You Ready to Simplify Your Life? Here Are 4 Tips to Help You

Our lives are clogged up with stuff. Material things, things we don’t need or want, toxic people, people we don’t need or want. We work at jobs we hate, we live in houses that cost more than we can afford, we drive cars that are hella expensive to maintain and we have more pairs of shoes than we can shake a stick at. Do you want to simplify your life but are clueless as to where to even begin with that? We all want to be happy but are we getting close to achieving that goal? I doubt it.

We.have.so.much.stuff.

We run around in circles frantically trying to please others, follow rules, pay bills, sneak in some enjoyment and find happiness. Somewhere. It’s chaos, it’s frantic and it’s borderline hopeless. Or maybe it’s not?

3 years ago I got rid of 95% of my shit, packed two suitcases and bought a one way ticket to Guatemala. I knew I wanted a better and happier life and I also knew I had to simply my life. It was starting to take its toll on me. The stuff, the drama, the desperate thoughts of “what’s it all for”? I knew something had to give, and give it did.

It wasn’t easy at first. The thought of even starting caused me a great deal of anxiety, truth be told. All I’ve ever known is work hard, pay bills, make everyone else happy, rinse and repeat. I didn’t know anything else and I especially didn’t know what true happiness really was (except the day my son was born).

Be prepared because if you want to simplify your life it can be done in these 4 simple steps, it’s the emotions that may get in the way.

The seed was planted and it was time to start watering it.

Time to simplify your life

And so it started. I didn’t know how to be happy but I was ready willing and able to find out. Here are the 5 things I did that propelled me into a life of crazy ridiculous joy. I hope they help you too!

Dump toxic people

Toxic people cause stress and drama. They are no good to you. They will only cause you grief. Get rid of them. If you can’t get rid of them (maybe a family member or co worker?) then limit your interaction with them or put up a toxic people barrier. Yes that’s a thing. Shield yourself from them. Don’t let them enter your energy field. You can do that!

The more you interact with toxic people, the more you become like them (yup it’s true) and the less you’ll be happy. Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want to simplify your life? Start by reducing the toxicity.

Get rid of shit

How much clutter do you have kicking around your house that you have absolutely no use for? Like that storage room you have, you know the one where the door stays closed all the time because it’s a shit show in there. Yup. That room.When was the last time you opened the door, not to throw more shit in there but to actually analyze it and figure out what to do with it?

Clutter causes stress and chaos in your life. Trust me on that. I know decluttering can sometimes cause extreme anxiety so start small. One corner of the room at a time. Take a couple of hours, set a timer if you wish, and start. The more you declutter, the more liberated you feel and the easier you will find it to do more and to simplify your life this way. You’ll see.

On a side note, this could be a great way to make some extra fun cash too! Go through your stuff, see what you don’t want anymore and sell it!! Some people make thousands of dollars on garage sales! Try it.

Start saying no

It really truly is ok to say no to people who ask for favours that end up sucking the life out of you. You know what I’m talking about. Learn how to say no, and mean it. Say it with a smile and don’t feel the need to have to apologize for saying no and please don’t feel guilty about saying no. I get that will be hard to do. We’re people pleasers right? We want to make everyone happy and say yes to everything. But….

You can’t and it’s not your job to make everyone happy. It’s your job to make you happy. No one else. At first saying no will feel awkward but once you get the hang of it you’ll see how fun it is to take back your power, see that this is a great way to simplify your life and people will soon learn you have boundary lines. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Take time for you and you only

Go for a walk, go down to the lake, take yourself on a picnic or a movie date. Unplug your electronics for a couple of hours (or maybe even a full day if you’re feeling ballsy). Turn on some zen music, put up a do not disturb sign on the door and just be with you!! Have a nice long bubble bath, take a book in there with you, pour yourself your favourite beverage and chill the fuck out.

When was the last time you practiced some mindfulness? There is much to be said about taking some alone time. We don’t do it enough. We fill our calendars with shit and then fall into bed at midnight exhausted and frustrated because our whole day was spent running around like a squirrel looking for nuts.

We get too wrapped up in people, drama and stuff that we forget one important thing; this is your life. You deserve to be happy. If you want to simply your life and be happy, it’s up to you to do it.

Take that step!

Have you checked out my new self help guide ebook yet? It’s jampacked with tips just like this and then some to help you live the life you deserve!! Click here to download your copy now. 

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Peace and Love

Iva

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New Moon Rituals-Do These Every Month and Watch What Happens

I am so deeply in love with the full moon and the new moon. Honestly, I’m like a kid at Christmas time waiting for Santa’s arrival.These moons are a time of so much growth, hope, possibilities and surprise opportunities. They are also a time for reflection, my favourite part, to see what’s working and what’s not. What your next move should be and where you need to focus more. Also, the biggest one, what to let go of. This is where new moon rituals come in to play.

Do you feel the energy?

I’m really sensitive to energies, all energies, and while not many are, some of you may discover that during the new moon and full moon time, you feel slightly different. You may be super emotional or super pissed off. You may feel pensive or you may feel fully charged and ready to dominate the world.

Whatever the case may be, there are energies during this time and if you don’t pay attention to them, you may not handle them correctly. If your energy is angry and resilient, it is definitely a time for you to practice more patience, not lash out. (honestly, you can only blame so much on pms!)

It’s always helpful to do a little reading up on things like this so that you learn how to work with the energies, instead of against them. I try to spend at least a couple of hours a week chilling with Kindle, reading, learning and growing.

New moon rituals

So it should come as no surprise that I’m a new moon rituals kinda gal. I don’t even set my clock or an alarm. I know exactly what day the new moon falls on weeks before it gets here and wait in anticipation for it. This goes for the full moon too! (I’ll be blogging about my full moon rituals as well)

Now before we get into this ritual thing there is one thing you absolutely positively need to know. I can’t tell you how many times someone has referred to it as woo woo or witchcraft. Don’t be ridiculous. Do you think your vision board or mind map is woo woo or witchcraft? Of course you don’t. But it’s still a manifestation technique. A ritual you perform to bring about goodness in your life, yes?

There are a few definitions of ritual and while many do make reference to religion, this definition says it best:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritual

Nowhere in there does it say witchcraft, woo woo or religion. See? We’re good to go! Let’s get started on our new moon rituals.

Let’s begin.

The night of the new moon, find a relaxing quiet place, away from distractions. Turn off your phone, noisy notifications on other devices, etc. You only need about half an hour to an hour (or really however long you are comfortable to meditate, write and zen out)

  1. Turn on some soft light meditative music (I find lots of great tracks on YouTube) get your favourite journalling book or a nice clean notepad and your favourite pen. You could always do this on your iPad/Phone or computer but I find it’s better without electronics and to do it the old fashioned way.
  2. Light some candles, scented or not, and/or some of your essential oils in a warmer.
  3. Sit quietly and meditate for about 10-15 minutes, calming yourself and getting into manifestation mode.
  4. When you’re done, write out 5-10 wishes you would like to manifest in the next month. Make it realistic and believable. Manifesting $1,000,000 in a month, though could happen, is highly unlikely. If you’re looking for a new job or perhaps a promotion is quite possible. Wishes like that.
  5. Feel each wish you write out. Feel the feelings you would feel when the wish comes true.
  6. Carefully tear the page out and fold it up nicely. Hold it in your hands for awhile while really feeling each wish you wrote out. Sit in this for awhile. I usually sit here for about 10 minutes with this. I go through each wish and visualize them. The feeling is really quite beautiful.
  7. Now take this page and place it under your mattress by your pillow. Leave it here until the next new moon.

(on a side note-I like to have my favourite crystals close by too-amethyst, rose quartz, moonstone)

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An ultimate self improvement guide

In a month

The day of the next new moon, take this page out and have a look at it. What manifested, what didn’t, what did you come really close to? Analyze it and see if maybe something just isn’t for you and you should manifest something better or different with the new moon for the following month.

I hope you enjoyed this new moon blog. If you did, please share it out! Have you checked out my new self help guide yet? It’s jam packed full of all the tips, tools and tricks you will need to get control of your life and your happiness!!

Peace and Love

Iva

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Manifesting the Life of Your Dreams is Easier Than You Think.

Ah we’ve heard it all before a million times. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams, it starts with you. And a million other things you need to be doing. We set intentions, we pray with all our might, we feel it, believe it and want it yet it still doesn’t come.

So what went wrong? What step did I miss? I did everything the gurus told me to do but still nothing happened. You probably didn’t do anything wrong but what all those gurus forget to tell you is that to manifest your heart’s desire takes more than just setting intentions with intense emotions.

Manifest now dammit!

First of all, remember the Universe not only has a funny sense of humour, it also knows what’s good for you and what’s not. If you’re trying to manifest your ex back, the Universe will probably fight you the whole way on that one. He/she is not good for you and is an ex for a reason. Time to let it go.

But what about other things like

So how do we manifest those? It’s easier than you think.

Stick with me here

I’m going to share a very profound statement with you and I want it to really really sink in.

Everything is energy, good or bad.

So what exactly does that mean? It means that not only you have energy but the things you own and the space you live in has energy too. And yes, good and bad. Now knowing this, and before we get into this, I want you to take a super quick inventory of your space and your belongings.

Do you like/love them? Do they make you happy? Are you holding on to things from the past that have dark or sad memories but you can’t bear to part with them?

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Are you following me now?

Think about a toxic person for example. Sally is someone you don’t like to be around, no one does. A black cloud hangs over her head 24/7. She’s toxic and miserable. You avoid Sally at all cost.

Now let’s take a look at that ugly picture you got from Aunt Betty 5 yrs ago (that was gifted to you by Uncle Jerry). She was your favourite Aunt and she’s dead now but fact of the matter is, that picture is ugly and you really don’t like it. Negative energy. Period. The fact that she’s dead adds even more negative energy to it. Why do you want to remember Aunt Betty with an ugly picture that you hate?

Get me now?

Your space, your things.

Let’s go back to why we can’t manifest all the things we want. Let’s also go back to energy is everything. When you realize that your space has negative energy things in it, you will then realize that in order to bring about more positive things in your life, you need to get rid of the negative things in your life. 

But there’s more (and the Feng Shui geek in me kicks in). Have a good look around, again, at your space. Is it clean, pretty, does it speak peace, love and harmony to you? Do you love coming home after a full day of work or does your home cause you more stress because it’s in chaos and disarray? Is your home office a jumbled up cluster fuck of papers, garbage, files, boxes and all other things that wreak havoc on you?

If you’re wondering why you can’t manifest the things you want, it’s time to take a deeper look into your personal space. There is so much more to manifesting than just writing out intentions and sending them out with the new moon or the Angels. If you don’t understand the simple and easy practice of Feng Shui, you just may never get the things you want. Trust me on this one.

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Peace and Love

Iva
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