Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano
Man oh man breaking up sure does suck. I hate everything about it, except for one thing. The simple fact that you are moving on with your life and allowing better things to come to you. Always a positive side, amirite? Anyway, we’re gonna talk about how to get over a breakup and 4 things you must never do in the process.
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Before we get into this I got some really really exciting news for you and I know you will just love it!!!
How long will it take to get over a breakup?
That’s a good question and I wish I had a cut and dry answer for it but I don’t. The length of time will depend on how focused you are on healing and moving on. It will also depend on who did the dumping (for lack of better terms).
When my relationship ended in 2012 I left him so it was easy-ish for me to get over the breakup. Don’t get me wrong, I had many lows and just as many highs, but it was still challenging for many reasons.
However, it didn’t really take me long to get over him as I was too busy working on myself and improving my life.
How long does it take to get over a broken heart?
We first have to understand the stages of grief. According to psychologytoday.com, there are 5 stages of grief for a breakup:
- Denial – “How did this happen” “I can’t believe it’s over”
- Anger – “How could he/she do this to me?” “How dare they hurt me like this.”
- Bargaining – “Well maybe if you or I change this it could still work”
- Depression – Feeling hopeless/lost/lonely and have a hard time moving on
- Acceptance – We’ve accepted the breakup and can find closure and peace and move on.
You literally have to go through each and every emotion in order to work through this loss and help you get over the breakup.
We can’t deny our heart’s emotions.
Our hearts are sad, they are crying in pain, they are lonely and empty and broken. My advice to that is, honour your pain and hurt, embrace it, feel it, and then let it go.
This will take time, it won’t be pretty but it will feel so damn good when it’s all said and done. And one emotion for you may be easy to go through whereas for someone else it may take longer.
Personally, when I left my partner, anger was the one that hung around the longest. I had found out that just two months after I left he had already replaced me. Ouch!! Hell, my side of the bed wasn’t even cold yet. So ya, I was pissed.
But other stages I managed to breeze through. Everyone’s healing journey will be different.
Also keep in mind that as you go through each stage of grief, part of you is learning lessons and growing! Yay! You will come out of this a new and improved you!
So how long does it take to get over a broken heart?
It’s up to you and your grieving process.
We’re not going to go through each stage of grief that we feel after a breakup because that’s not what this blog is about. Let’s get right to the healing and the things you absolutely shouldn’t do when you are trying to get over a breakup.
Before we get into this further, I totally get that some people can’t go through this alone and require the help of a professional. I’ve recently partnered up with online-therapy.com and the people over there are truly amazing and caring!
If you feel you may need more help please click on the image below or visit them here > online-therapy.com
Getting over a breakup doesn’t have to be so hard
Though we think it’s going to be the hardest thing in the world ever to do, really it’s not nor does it have to be. But as I mentioned above, it’s up to you how fast or slow the healing can occur.
Do you want to
1) wallow in self-pity and misery about this breakup for weeks, months, or even years (good grief I hope not the latter), or do you want to
2) move on as quickly as you can?
If you chose option 2 I applaud you! Now, if you did choose #2, moving on quickly will be hampered if you do these 4 things I’m going to talk about right now.
In other words, don’t do them. Ever!! Healing will come faster if you avoid these 4 things like the plague, capiche?
4 Things to NOT do while you are getting over a breakup
At least to a certain degree. Now with that, I don’t mean cut the person off completely (unless you feel you must) but I mean don’t text, email, message constantly throughout the day or weeks to follow.
I know you wanna know how they are doing and you want to keep that lifeline open but please don’t.
You’ll never move on and healing will be sloooow. Got it?
If for some reason you must keep lines of communication open (kids may be involved) keep it brief and to the point.
Are you creeping?
Facebook and Instagram truly are wonderful social media platforms, until you break up with someone. Then suddenly they become your nemesis.
You know what I mean here.
You’ve been creeping their FB wall and spying on them on Insta to find any signs of life, hate, anger, or sadness. You wanna know that they aren’t moving on and being all happy. You wanna know that they feel the same pain you are feeling.
Stop doing that, it’s ridiculous. Is it doing you any good? Of course not! Grow up. That’s high school stuff. It’s over, move on.
Stop creeping them!!
Hear my pain!
You want to shout off the rooftops how much your heart hurts. You want to tell everyone and anyone who will listen how crushed your heart is and how sad/mad you are. You can’t stop talking about it.
Everyone needs to know dammit!!
I have a newsflash for you: everyone doesn’t need to know and more than half could not care less.
The sooner you stop talking about it (and boring your friends to death about it) the sooner you will get over it.
Why do you want to rehash it until the cows come home? Why do you want to keep talking about it over and over again? Enough already.
Keep a journal and write your feelings. A really awesome and powerful thing to do is write a truth letter. It’s simply a letter you write to them where you get to pour all out your hurt, anger, pain, frustration, and every other emotion you may feel towards them and this breakup.
When you are done with your letter, destroy it (no, you don’t get to mail it to them). Trust me when I tell you, you will feel a million pounds lighter after doing this and your heart will be so happy!
So stop going on and on about it. Please.
Self Pity anyone?
Oh please stop.
You know, I get that during the healing process we have to feel a little self-pity. Oh, how I so get that. I was so pitiful I could barely stand to be in the same room with myself. That’s how bad I got.
Honestly, though, don’t stay there. You need to get out of there as fast as you can or you will end up in a vortex of misery and loneliness.
No one will want to be around you (not me anyway) and you will be blocking any chance of any good coming into your life.
Grieve for a little while (though how much time will be different for everyone) and then get outta there. Be 100% committed to your healing process. You have to know and believe that better things await you.
Take a peek in my mini self-help eBook library to see if there’s a good book that will help you get through this.
6 fun things to do to heal faster!
In our healing journey, often we forget to honour ourselves. We forget all the good things about us and we just mope around instead. Don’t do that, please. How about trying some of these things instead?
- take yourself out on a date
- listen to guided and positive meditations on self-love and healing
- do something fun you’ve never done before (ziplining anyone?)
- immerse yourself in a new book or an online course (many you can find for free!)
- make new friends!
- go for a walk in nature
- apply to volunteer at a place that resonates with you
I can go on and on about different things you can do to make the healing process faster but those are just a few good ideas.
I know your heart hurts and I’m sorry but know one thing, something better is just around the corner. Someone who truly deserves you.
I really love this YouTube video from Psych2go (I like sharing their videos with you guys!) They explain the tips I shared with you here and a few more. Take a few minutes to watch it. I think it will really help you on your healing journey.
Remember, one day soon you will look back at this time and be proud of yourself for getting over this breakup and moving on in grace, with tons of self- confidence, self-love and self-respect!
Bartender, the usual por favor. ~sigh~
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Peace and Love