How to forgive and move on so you can be happy!!
We’ve all been hurt.* Hard done by* by someone. Joe blow cheated on us. Mary borrowed a dress and ruined it. My ex beat and raped me. My mother abused me. Yes, the list is quite endless and no one wants to let go of any of this hurt but I’m here to tell you right now how to forgive and why you should.
We can all throw our troubles in a pile in the middle of a room and have a ‘whose pain is bigger’ contest but why bother? Troubles are troubles no matter how big or small. It still affected us in one way shape or form. We all deal with issues very differently.
Let’s take my parents for example. They were really crappy parents when I was younger but when I moved out and had a little family of my own suddenly mom became Mary Poppins.
Anyway, they beat us, sometimes for no reason. I’ve forgiven and moved on whereas forgiving this type of behaviour may be extremely difficult to the point of impossible for others.
Meh, life goes on.
Why it is so hard to forgive someone who hurt you
Let’s face it, it’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt us. It is not easy, at all.
Many won’t do it in the name of “pride” though I still scratch my head on that one. Pride? Really? Others say they can’t do it because it’s just too damn hard.
Well, it is hard but it’s not impossible.
I found this great article in Psychologytoday.com that explains how to forgive when it feels impossible. I think you might like it too!
It takes a lot of courage and strength to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply. Trust me I know. I’ve taken the time to forgive the whole lot of people who hurt me. None of it was easy but I sure feel good now!
I wrote a mini eBook recently on how to forgive and it goes way more in-depth than this article. You can check it out here-click the link or the image below to download your copy now.
It’s important to forgive yourself and let it go
I think too many of us beat ourselves up (pardon that shitty pun) for things we let other people do to us. We blame ourselves for letting all the abuse happen to us. First and foremost know that it’s not your fault. None of it is.
You did nothing wrong!!!
I let some really crappy things happen to me but I don’t have time to waste at pointing the finger at myself and saying “oh stupid Iva look what you did”. I learn the lesson, forgive, and move on.
Forgiving yourself can be hard but you are the number one person in your life and in your world and you must let go of the belief that this is your fault, forgive yourself and move on.
We live, we learn. That’s how we grow!
How to forgive and forget
Before we start, you must understand one thing. There is no such thing as forgive and forget. We never forget.
Forgiving might be hard but it’s not impossible and must be done.
The forgetting part? Well, let’s just say that over time, we tend to think less and less about what happened. We never truly forget the abuse or trauma.
Still to this day so many people ask me how to forgive and forget. Forgiving others will happen, forgetting the hurt won’t. It just won’t happen.
Personally, I think less and less about the abuse my ex put me through. I’ve forgiven him and I forgave myself for letting it happen but I’ll admit, every now and then I still get triggers from that relationship.
They suck but it happens. But I can easily brush them off now. I usually bless them and send them away.
6 things that happen when we forgive and move on
Forgiveness was necessary for me. I had reached a place in my life, finally in my 50’s, that it was just time to let it go. And I did. I also discovered a few other reasons why it was time to forgive if I wanted to move forward in life.
I just need peace!!
I so desperately wanted to just feel peace in my heart. I needed my brain to shut down and stop replaying old stories in my head and causing me turmoil.
I deserved peace, dammit, and I was going to have it.
I was tired of carrying the weight of pain, hurt and anger. There was only one way to get rid of it. Forgive and move on.
You mean nothing.
The longer I carried these people in my head for, the more I attention I was giving them. They didn’t deserve that. They didn’t deserve one ounce of attention or thought from me so why was I giving it to them then?
Why was I wasting precious room in my heart and my head on jerks? It just didn’t make sense. Time to let go.
Pardon me, that’s my cloud.
I didn’t weigh a thousand pounds anymore. I was lighter and cheerier and honestly felt like I was floating sometimes. Walking on clouds. My shoulders were back, my head held higher.
I think I managed to get some self-respect back! When you’re carrying a heavy load, like hurt, anger, pain, grudges, don’t fool yourself, people feel it. They know.
Energy doesn’t lie. Do yourself a favour, dump the load.
Stop your whining for God’s sake.
Ever notice how people who carry grudges like to go on and on about the person who hurt them? They just won’t let up. They need to make sure everyone knows that Joe blow did them wrong.
Stop doing that, we stopped caring a long time ago. Ya ya, we get it, Joe is a jerk. Be done with it already. More people will want to spend time with you as soon as you sing a happier song.
I’m free now!
Oh hallelujah. I’m free. No more chains around my heart, my ankles, my wrists. Grudges are dropped, hate is replaced with love, anger with peace, and sorrow with happiness.
Honest to God all this happens as soon as you let go of old past hurts. Trust me on this one. You will instantly feel free.
I found this powerful TedX talk on forgiveness and I thought I’d share it with you. This girl is amazing!
The power of forgiveness
The more I thought about these hurtful people the more power I was giving them over me and my happiness. Why was I doing that? Why was I giving these evil people my own personal power? How ridiculous.
That’s my power!! I was letting them control my life and they didn’t even know it. They don’t deserve your power, it belongs to you. Take your power back. Forgive and move on.
The power of forgiveness is so much stronger than the power of hurt. Trust me on that one.
Once you learn to forgive others and yourself, you will have such an incredible amount of freedom and inner peace, it truly will blow your mind and you’ll wonder why you never did it sooner!
You might like this book on forgiveness. I picked it up years ago and still refer to it sometimes. Click the image below to check it out. This book is simply amazing and so powerful! (this is an affiliate link so if you make a purchase I make a small commission)
How to forgive and let go
So how do you forgive some of the meanest people ever? How do you release them from your mind and heart? It won’t happen overnight and it may take weeks or even months but you have to start.
Forgive people, all the people in your life whoever hurt you and let it gooooooooooooo!!
I’m a really big fan of forgiveness letters. These are letters you write to the person who hurt you, getting out all the anger and pain they have ever ever caused you, letting out all your emotions, leaving no painful stone unturned, and then destroying it. I believe that writing out our feelings is very therapeutic. Please try it.
You can learn more about writing a letter of forgiveness to all who have hurt you:
Every time you have an angry or hurt thought about the one who hurt you close your eyes, send them love, forgive them, and release them. Do this every time they creep back in your head. Keep doing this until they eventually stop creeping in. Trust me, they will.
Peace and Love
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