We’ve all been hurt.* Hard done by* by someone. Joe blow cheated on us. Mary borrowed a dress and ruined it. My ex beat and raped me. My mother abused me. Yes, the list is quite endless and no one wants to let go of any of this hurt but I’m here to tell you how to forgive someone who hurt you and why you should.
We can all throw our troubles in a pile in the middle of a room and have a ‘whose pain is bigger’ contest but why bother? Troubles are troubles no matter how big or small. It still affected us in one way shape or form. We all deal with issues very differently.
Let’s take my parents for example. They were really crappy parents when I was younger but when I moved out and had a little family of my own suddenly mom became Mary Poppins.
Anyway, they beat us, sometimes for no reason. I’ve forgiven and moved on whereas forgiving this type of behaviour may be extremely difficult to the point of impossible for others.
Meh, life goes on.
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Why it is so hard to forgive someone who hurt you
Let’s face it, it’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt us. It is not easy, at all.
Many won’t do it in the name of “pride” though I still scratch my head on that one. Pride? Really? Others say they can’t do it because it’s just too damn hard.
Well, it is hard but it’s not impossible.
I found this great article in Psychologytoday.com that explains how to forgive when it feels impossible. I think you might like it too!
It takes a lot of courage and strength to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply. Trust me I know. I’ve taken the time to forgive the whole lot of people who hurt me. None of it was easy but I sure feel good now!
I wrote a mini eBook recently on how to forgive and it goes way more in-depth than this article. You can check it out here-click here or the image below to download your copy now.
It’s important to forgive yourself and let it go
I think too many of us beat ourselves up (pardon that horrible pun) for things we let other people do to us. We blame ourselves for letting all the abuse happen to us. First and foremost, know that it’s not your fault. None of it is.
You did nothing wrong!!!
I let some really crappy things happen to me but I don’t have time to waste at pointing the finger at myself and saying “oh stupid Iva look what you did”. I learn the lesson, forgive, and move on.
Forgiving yourself can be hard but you are the number one person in your life and in your world and you must let go of the belief that this is your fault, forgive yourself and move on.
We live, we learn. That’s how we grow!
How to forgive someone who hurt us and forget
Before we start, you must understand one thing. There is no such thing as “forgive and forget”. We never forget.
Forgiving might be hard but it’s not impossible and must be done.
The forgetting part? Well, let’s just say that over time, we tend to think less and less about what happened. We never truly forget the abuse or trauma.
Still to this day so many people ask me how to forgive and forget. Forgiving others will happen, forgetting the hurt won’t. It just won’t happen.
Personally, I think less and less about the abuse my ex put me through. I’ve forgiven him and I forgave myself for letting it happen but I’ll admit, every now and then I still get triggers from that relationship.
They suck but it happens. But I can easily brush them off now. I usually bless them and send them away.
6 reasons to forgive someone who hurt us
Forgiveness was necessary for me. I had reached a place in my life, finally in my 50’s, that it was just time to forgive and let go. And I did. I also discovered a few other reasons why it was time to forgive if I wanted to move forward in life.
1 You will find peace
I so desperately wanted to just feel peace in my heart. I needed my brain to shut down and stop replaying old stories in my head and causing me turmoil.
I deserved peace, dammit, and I was going to have it.
I was tired of carrying the weight of pain, hurt, and anger. There was only one way to get rid of it. I forgave all who needed it and found inner peace and great strength.
2 They don’t deserve space in your head
The longer I carried these people in my head, the more attention I was giving them. They didn’t deserve that. They didn’t deserve one ounce of attention or thought from me so why was I giving it to them then?
Why was I wasting precious room in my heart and my head on jerks? It just didn’t make sense.
When I forgave them, I thought about them an awful lot less, hence giving them less space in my head and heart. Because of that, there was room now for happier things!
3 Weight lifted off your shoulders
I didn’t weigh a thousand pounds anymore. I was lighter and cheerier and honestly felt like I was floating sometimes. Walking on clouds. My shoulders were back, my head held higher.
I think I managed to get some self-respect back! When you’re carrying a heavy load, like hurt, anger, pain, grudges, don’t fool yourself, people feel it. They know.
Energy doesn’t lie. Do yourself a favour, dump the load. Forgive those jerks, get that weight off your shoulders now and feel lighter and freer!!
4 You won’t complain about this person anymore
Ever notice how people who carry grudges like to go on and on about the person who hurt them? They just won’t let up. They need to make sure everyone knows that Joe blow did them wrong.
Stop doing that, we stopped caring a long time ago. Ya ya, we get it, Joe is a jerk. Be done with it already. More people will want to spend time with you as soon as you sing a happier song.
I used to do this. Go on and on about how horrible my life was and how so many people did me wrong. UGH. It was pathetic. I was pathetic. The minute I stopped doing that and started smiling more and talking about happier things, the right people gravitated to me.
5 You will become free
Oh hallelujah. I’m free. No more chains around my heart, my ankles, my wrists. Grudges are dropped, hate is replaced with love, anger with peace, and sorrow with happiness.
Honest to God all this happens as soon as you let go of old past hurts. Trust me on this one. You will instantly feel free.
You might like this video I did recently over on my YouTube channel Women Blazing Trails, on how to forgive people who have hurt you and move on.
6 Forgiveness has power
The more I thought about these hurtful people the more power I was giving them over me and my happiness. Why was I doing that? Why was I giving these evil people my own personal power? How ridiculous.
That’s my power!! I was letting them control my life and they didn’t even know it.
They don’t deserve your power, it belongs to you. Take your power back. Forgive these people and move on.
The power of forgiveness is so much stronger than the power of hurt. Trust me on that one.
If you’re having a really hard time letting go of someone who hurt you, you might really like Kim Saeed’s BreakFree Program. I recently partnered with her in order to bring the most valuable tools and programs to my readers and I think you’ll like this program.
If you’re struggling, please click the link or the image below to see if it’s right for you.
When you learn to forgive and let go
Once you learn to forgive others and yourself, you will have such an incredible amount of freedom and inner peace, it truly will blow your mind and you’ll wonder why you never did it sooner!
You might like this book on forgiveness. I picked it up years ago and still refer to it sometimes. Click the image below to check it out. This book is simply amazing and so powerful!
How to forgive and let go
So how do you forgive some of the meanest people ever? How do you release them from your mind and heart? It won’t happen overnight and it may take weeks or even months but you have to start.
Forgive people, all the people in your life whoever hurt you and let it gooooooooooooo!!
I’m a really big fan of forgiveness letters. These are letters you write to the person who hurt you, getting out all the anger and pain they have ever caused you, letting out all your emotions, leaving no painful stone unturned, and then destroying it.
I believe that writing out our feelings is very therapeutic. Please try it.
You can learn more about writing a letter of forgiveness to all who have hurt you:
Every time you have an angry or hurt thought about the one who hurt you close your eyes, send them love, forgive them, and release them. Do this every time they creep back in your head. Keep doing this until they eventually stop creeping in. Trust me, they will.
Peace and Love
Did you love this post? Did it help you in any way shape or form?
If so, you can now say “thanx so much Iva” and buy me a coffee!