So many people cringe when I use the word forgive. We hate forgiving those who hurt us. But we don’t forgive them for them, we do it for ourselves. I’m gonna talk about why and how to write a forgiveness letter and share a copy of my own for you.
When we hold on to hurt, anger, pain, and any other toxic emotion, it just eats away at our very soul. It kills any chance of inner peace and happiness. It’s like having a monkey on your back all the damn time.
Why anyone would want to live like that is beyond me. Don’t you want to be happy? You think hanging on to all that hurt and pain is going to lead to eternal happiness?
Of course it won’t!
You need to let.it.go.felicia!!!!!
Writing letters of forgiveness is just one way of doing this. I’ve included tips on how to write an effective forgiveness letter at the end of this article but PLEASE read mine so you get a feel of what they may look like.
(this post contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)
Also for the purpose of this article, I removed all expletive language, but trust me, when I write these letters of forgiveness there are a poop ton of bad words! Oy.
Over in my self help eBook series, You Are Amazing, I wrote a whole book on forgiveness. You can check it out here and grab your copy!
After you read my letter of forgiveness, you might like this “open letter to myself”. SO powerful as well! It’s another letter except this one is a letter of forgiveness to myself. You’re gonna love this one. Trust me on that!
I also believe that when we write ourselves ‘love letters’ if you will, it helps remind us of how amazing we truly are. Sometimes we lose our value because of the way some people have treated us in the past.
It’s important to get your self-worth and self-esteem back and a love letter to yourself will do just that!! Click on the link below to read my very own love letter to me :)
Forgiving others and yourself is important for closure and moving on
I talk an awful lot about forgiving others. It’s the best therapy in the whole damn world. Trust me on that.
I had a million people in my life I needed to forgive.
But I realized one very important thing:
If I wanted to move on and have a happier life, it was MANDATORY for me to forgive all those who hurt me so I could move on with my life and leave the pain, past, and hurt all behind.
There’s no other way you are going to come to a place of inner peace and self-love until you do this. Read that line again. I simply can’t stress this enough!!!
Forgiveness sets us free. You have to understand that. You have to want this freedom more than the pain you are holding onto.
If after you have tried forgiving the people who hurt you and you are still desperately struggling with hurt, pain, and anger and you feel your mental health is slipping, please reach out to a professional. The people at online-therapy.com are absolutely amazing and definitely worth checking out.
We forgive the people who hurt us, for us, not them
Too often we beat ourselves up over things that happened in the past. We will often say to ourselves “oh if only I had just done this differently” or “if only I wasn’t so stupid none of this would have happened”. Stop right there.
We do the best we can with what we know and how we feel. We do the best we can depending on the situation we are in. You are not to blame for anything that happened.
You need to stop beating yourself up, take a moment to forgive yourself and let it go. What’s done is done and there’s nothing you can do differently now except learn and grow from what happened.
Forgiving others doesn’t mean we condone their behaviour. Nope. Not at all.
When we forgive the people who hurt us, we are releasing them from our minds and our hearts and moving on without the built up and stored anger, hatred, hurt, excruciating pain, and grudge.
They don’t even have to know you forgave them! You don’t do it for them, you do it for you.
An example of my forgiveness letter
This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $1000 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.
Yup, this is for all of you, any of you, and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.
My forgiveness letter to all who hurt me
I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the crap that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.
I come from a place of peace, love, and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go. I don’t have room, time, desire, or energy to think about the hurt.
You know what you did was horrible. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were laying in bed that night, that you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a jerk for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.
Of course, you did.
Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t really care. I really don’t give a crap how you feel today. Know why?
Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t really have room in my head anymore to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such a jerk, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.
You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.
Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.
I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.
Well, time has passed. Days, months, years even and I found something. Actually I found quite a few things.
- self worth
- self love
- self respect
- and peace.
The top 3 on that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.
For the longest time, I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. I called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.
BUT it was destroying me. Eating me. Tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the terrible thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.
Life is short. Too short. And it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness, and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.
My forgiveness letter is for me, not you
What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, every now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head anymore. Got no time for that.
I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy, and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you.
People change. I did.
I forgive you, I love you, good-bye.
Writing a letter of forgiveness to someone who hurt you is powerful and therapeutic
I believe everyone who has been hurt by a boyfriend, husband, wife, or even a family or friend needs to write a forgiveness letter. Writing a letter of forgiveness to someone who hurt you is the best therapy you get. You are basically healing yourself. Your soul. Freeing your heart.
How do you write a forgiveness letter?
Here are 5 simple and loving steps to writing a good and effective forgiveness letter:
1 Sit in a quiet space – make sure there are no distractions, no phones, put a do not disturb sign on the door if you have to! It’s important to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. All your feels!!
2 Light a candle or burn essential oils- This a really just a loving thing to do to honour your emotions and to make this space more loving and soothing. I’m a huge lavender oil fan but you burn whatever scent you love.
3 Play soft soothing music if it helps you calm down- or you can just sit in total quiet but I like to play really soft zen music to keep me calm-ish.
4 Do not disturb sign on door if need be- you seriously don’t want anyone bothering you while you do this. Trust me on this.
5 Start writing!- Just go. Dear so and so…and then let it all out. Leave no hate/hurt stones unturned.
It’s that simple!
Write your heart out. Write until you can’t write anymore. Write and cry your eyes out at the same time if you have to. Write a forgiveness letter to everyone and anyone who hurt you and still rents space in your head and heart.
If you need to write a forgiveness letter to a boyfriend expressing hurt feelings, then do it.
If you need to write this letter to a family member, boss, best friend, or whoever, just do it.
Write as often as you have to, as often as the urge hits you.
Just write it all out. A word of caution though. Never send it to the person it is directed to. This is your forgiveness letter for you, not for them.
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Peace and Love