An Open Letter To All Who Have Hurt Me

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This is raw, real and necessary. This is the kind of thing you need to do when it’s time to dump toxic energy that has been swimming around inside of you for far too long. It had come time for me to sit down and write an open letter to all who have hurt me. The much needed forgiveness letter.

This is the letter of forgiveness anyone who has been hurt, needs to write to free themselves, not only from the anger and the pain, but from the toxic person who still lives in their head, rent free.

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This is an open letter to all who have hurt me. This is the I forgive you for hurting me letter that I so needed to write.

After you read this one, you might like this open letter to myself. SO powerful as well! It’s another letter except this one is a forgiveness letter to your self. You’re gonna love this one. Trust me on that!

Dear Me, Damn You!!

This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $1000 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.

Yup, this is for all of you, any of you and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.

I forgive you for hurting me

I talk an awful lot about forgiving others. So many people still cringe when I tell them to just forgive the person who hurt you and let it go. It’s hella tough to do that. I so get it. Trust me.

I had a million people in my life I needed to forgive.

But I realized one very important thing:

If I wanted to move on and have a happier life, it was MANDATORY for me to forgive all those who hurt me so I could move on with my life and leave the pain, past and hurt all behind. There’s no other way you are going to come to a place of inner peace and self love until you do this.

Forgiveness sets us free. You have to understand that. You have to want this freedom more than the pain you are holding onto.

Forgiving others and yourself

Too often we beat ourselves up over things that happened in the past. We will often say to ourselves “oh if only I had just done this differently” or “if only I wasn’t so stupid none of this would have happened”. Stop right there.

We do the best we can with what we know and how we feel. We do the best we can depending on the situation we are in. You are not to blame for anything that happened. You need to stop beating yourself up, take a moment to forgive yourself and let it go. What’s done is done and there’s nothing you can do differently now except learn and grow from what happened.

Forgiving others doesn’t mean we condone their behaviour. Nope. Not at all.

When we forgive the people who hurt us, we are releasing them from our minds and our hearts and moving on without the built up and stored anger, hatred, hurt, excruciating pain and grudge.

They don’t even have to know you forgave them! You don’t do it for them, you do it for you.

 

The Forgiveness Letter You Need To Write

My forgiveness letter to all who hurt me

Dear You.

I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the crap that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.

I come from a place of peace, love and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go.  I don’t have room, time, desire or energy to think about the hurt.

You know what you did was horrible. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were laying in bed that night, that you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a jerk for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.

Of course you did.

Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t really care. I really don’t give a crap how you feel today. Know why?

Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t really have room in my head any more to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such a jerk, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.

You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.

Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.

I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.

Well, time  has passed. Days, months,  years even and I found something. Actually I found quite a few things.

  • self worth
  • self love
  • self respect
  • forgiveness
  • kindness
  • and peace.

The top 3 in that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.

For the longest time I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. Called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.

 

The Forgiveness Letter You Need to Write

 

BUT it was destroying me. Eating me. Tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the terrible thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.

Life is short. Too short. And it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.

My forgiveness letter is for me, not you

What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, every now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head any more. Got no time for that.

I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you. People change. I did.

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I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you.

This I forgive you because I love you letter helps me heal, feel love and let go of any and all hurt.

Are you stuck, sad, angry, frustrated or just plain unhappy? Check out my new self help eBook. From Hell to Happiness.

 

From Hell to Happiness-a self help guide

 

Peace and Love

Iva

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61 Comments

  • self worth and self love – yes yes yes – these 2 will carry you a long way once you “get it”. These were what I lacked, had an awful self confidence issue eating me up from the inside. This was my doorway into the realm self discovery and awarenes so many other things got fixed from there on too. Thank goodness I finally listened to what my soul was whispering to me after years of struggle. love and bless Alex

    • Hey Alex thanx for your great comment and for stopping by the blog. Self love is so hard to realize but once you get it, your whole world changes. xo Good for you for getting there!!

      • I’M glad you are doing better. We all have been screwed a few times in our lives. Just know that we grow and learn! I’ve done it ALOT! I’m a better person since I grew and forgave! God bless you and keep you strong!

        • Hey Ellann thanx for your comment! You’re right, we all have been screwed. The trick is to not let it keep us down!
          God bless you too!!

          much love
          iva

    • Loved this letter. I would love to send it to my former boss who did me dirty. But I would have to leave out quite a few words.
      As there was no love affair of any kind. He just did me dirty. I was really hurt and and held a grudge for 18 yrs now. But I think I’m more hurt than angry.

      • Might be time to write your own truth letter Debbie and get rid of all that hurt. xoxo

        Iva

      • I have been longing to send a letter out like this, to all the family members who have hurt me on purpose, and have caused immense pain. And try to blame me. And still wonder why I cut them out of my life. And blocked them on my phone. Thank you.

        • Write your letter but no need to send it out. This letter is for you, not them. xo

    • What a most inspirational letter. Thank you kindly for sharing. Absolutely beautiful!

    • Iva, I have been struggling with something that happened to me almost thirty years ago. The man I loved at the time physically hurt me, once to the point of being hospitalized. The nightmares, the low selft estem, depression have some how pararalized me to live a healthy life as well as to trust and even love fully again. Up to just a few years ago the memories of what happened started to fade. Then two months ago I was watching a movie about a woman who was so full of life and was murdered. Totally differant senario, except I guess I felt in a way my life had been somewhat taken, the flashbacks, pain and yes the tears began to flow like a broken water pipe. Since then I’ve been contimplating on the idea of writing the man (ass) who broke me, stoled a part of my happiness, full spirited loving soul. I did marry another man and had two children. But I feel none of them got the true me, the true love for they had to deal with my depression, insecurities, ptsd symptoms etc.. (went through counseling) My husband was aware of what happened and loves me so much, i dont understand why, but am thankful for him and love him, but feel he deserves more.
      When my children where old enough I apologized for all they had to go through with my depression etc and explained what happen.
      It has also.effected me with trust issues on the job as well as socializing. I will befriend someome and then put up a wall and damage that relationship, not intentionally, but then realize it after the fact. Ive had two Bffs die so that maybe reason for my action on this behavior not sure and not proud of it either. What I’m asking or saying is it wrong of me to want to let this man know how he damaged me after all these years? Some may say I let him damage me by not forgetting and letting go of what transpired. To them I say, I tried, I thought I did houndreds of times, but when the nightmares wake your family from the screams, or when a person walks up behind you while in deep thought you jump or scream or turn in defensive matter, or the smallest thing triggers a flashback, tears. its hard. so im asking you for advise…is.it to late to write and if not any ideas on how to begin?

      • Hi Jan. Thank you for sharing your story. Healing can occur at any time. It’s never going to be too late to write a truth letter but don’t send it. It’s part of your healing journey xo

    • Thank you for sharing your healing!! I will read it to achieve mine!!
      Prayers for all of us who have been through very hurtful things! Love yourself always!

  • Hey Iva. Honey that was very bold, risk-taking (in some cases, maybe not yours), and needed for you to write that. It freed your inner soul of exactly how you felt towards one or a few people. Without doing that, you never would have that TRUE feeling of release in your body. The negativity would haunt you the rest of your life consciously or uncounsciously. All we are asked to do is forgive one another, doesn’t mean we agree with what they done, but forgive them of their awful ways. You done that. By forgiving others, we are forgiving. You mentioned 6 things that you offered up. Three of those six stand out strong in my mind. They are “SELF RESPECT, SELF WORTH & SELF LOVE”.So many times speaking from experience, it doesn’t have to be offered up because it’s taken from you. Those three alone are enough to completely destroy just about any woman!! Don’t think for a minute that you can gain it back, no big deal. Honey it’s going on close to 35 years for me and I’m just starting to gain it back. It’s hell. My heart goes out to anyone going thru such as this. I feel for them deeply. It tears you apart physically, mentially, emotionally it’s just NO GOOD!! I pray that the day comes I can sit down to write such a letter like you have. I’ve come along way but still I’m a work in progress. Far cry from where I need to be but THANKFULLY I’m stronger than where I was. I really needed to read this today of all days. You just gave me the boost I needed. Much love for you always! ❤

    • Hi Karen thank you for your heartfelt comment. These letters are easy for me to write. I have no trouble getting everything out. :) Stay true to you. Love you back!!

      • Thank you so much Iva. You ‘ve just touched the greatest part of my Heart. God Bless You Dear

        • Thank you for reading and glad this touched you! xoxo

  • Powerful. Bet this was freeing for you. Your letter states exactly my sentiments for at least one person I can think of right off the bat. For others it would have to be for who they are as a person rather than one thing they ever did, ya know? Glad to read this. It wasn’t mean or spiteful; just matter of fact, straight, to the point without apology or care if it offended. The folks who get offended by this heartfelt letter are probably the ones it applies to. So be happy. Better days ahead.. Live and let live. Breathe and love. ? thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you for your comment Ramona and glad you enjoyed the article. xo Better days ahead indeed! Much love to you xo

  • so immature, what a waste of time reading this, pffff

    • Hey thanx for your comment Persona. God bless you xo

  • Very powerful letter. I have experienced some of the same things you have with a someone I spent 6 years with expecting to marry. Gave one excuse after another of why we needed to wait. Took a bit long to figure out he was stringing me along. I believed him…but I will have to say I learned alot and will never go down that road again. Never. Love myself too much to put up with the bullshit. I would rather be by myself and be happy then to be with someone who takes advantage of me.

    Susan

    • Hey Susan thanx for your comment. I hear ya on the no longer putting up with bullshit. Got no time for that xo
      Iva

  • Wow! I totally want this self love, self respect, peace, love. All of it! You are an amazing writer and person! I am amazed!

  • I am at a pivitol moment, alone, single, loving it! Keeping it real! Stay tru to your geniune self! For you know you, and what you know…is real!

    • Good girl!! 2017 is gonna rock. Hold on to your hat! ;)

      Iva

  • I absolutely love the way you write❤ amazing IVA❤

  • I related a lot to your letter. I was with a man for 3 years who robbed me of everything internal about me that he was able to rob me of … When I finally walked out on him for the last time a few months ago, it was the most freeing feeling I had in close to 3 years. This coming from the woman who thought that she couldn’t live or survive without this man. Just the mere thought of my life without him would I feel the onset of panic come over me. I would have rather existed, than have to start over with a new relationship some day.
    But I am happy to say, that only a few months have passed and I am so happy. I have come to realizations that this relationship was abusive the whole time. He just had me so blinded.
    I am starting over fresh, with my high school sweetheart. My youngest son’s dad. It’s truly a blessing that we found our way back to each other. And most importantly, I am o.k. without the ex . And he has to lie his head down every night on his pillow. He has to live with the truths of his behavior towards me. The woman he supposedly loved. So to all the ladies afraid to leave or struggling with the should I or shouldn’t I……… Listen to your gut.
    Goodnight and God Bless
    Barbara

    • Awe I love your story and your courage Barbara!! Awesomeness! And good for you for moving on and being happy :) :)

  • Dear Iva,

    Felt really glad listening your heart n mind . But sometimes the story is different n people who effect n changes your life hv a long lasting effect on your life . I too hv a love story. That too twice. I hv my wife who I guess never loved me n life is like an unending journey. Thn happens she who turn my life upside down. We had a unforgettable life n just when I think life is awesome , a guy ( who is married and same story just like me ) came in her life n she went away. Now I don’t hv problem that she left me n started a new life , but I do hv problem when I imagine her with wrong person. That guy is not just for her. There is no happy ending to her . n that is the thing I don’t want. Suggest if you can , what I m supposed to do. I can’t forget her that is for sure .

    • HI Dev I am certainly no therapist but all I can say is you gotta learn to let go of your attachment to her and her happiness and start living your life for you.

      Iva

  • Lovely piece to regain peace. All the anger, hurt, humiliation, failure…. it’s all expressed here so beautifully. Kudos.

  • Hi Iva,

    Let me first extend gratitude for sharing your letter. Although your letter does not go into detail each situation you endured, it however gives me hope with what I am currently experiencing. As much as I try to sugarcoat my situation, I still see darkness. The depression is has brought me is ugly and at times intense. I firmly believe that it is by the grace of God that I make it through each day yet these feelings I have of hatred, bitterness, hurt , pain, the list goes on, rear their ugly faces. I know this is all apart of the process I must go through to become the person I am meant to be. It is going to take more time than I first realized especially because of my two children and soon to be ex husband are the ones that have caused such pain. For the last 30 years my whole life was lived for only them. It has been during this whole time that I’ve truly lost myself.

    Again thank you for your letter for it really has given me hope and a place to start my healing process.

    • Thank you for sharing your story Pam. Sounds like the rest of your life is and should be about you!!! Make it about you and find your joy. xoxo It’s not too late. :)

      Iva

  • After reading this, I desperately need to write my own letter to an old boss from hell. It’s been over 4 years. I’m booting those worst 6 months of my life with her to the curb. Thanks for writing yours, because it will help me get started. Peace and love to all.

  • Iva:
    I just found out in February my husband of 25 years has been carrying on with his ex-fiance’ from thirty years ago for over a year now. She left him the week before the wedding LOL
    She then dated a married man with children and destroyed that family only to move to the next married man only to destroy that woman as well. She can not destroy me as I am a strong woman and will move forward in time.

    I moved out of the house he and I built together with our own hands in June 2017. Yesterday I was told that she was at my home with her moving truck from Pennsylvania. Wow, what a bullet to the head and heart.

    I stayed with him, because I believed in my vows and I loved him even when he was an alcoholic and finally went thru rehab. I helped run his construction business mentally and physically and did his bookkeeping for the last 25 years. His drug use days were brutal but is clean now due to my standing next to him and being there for everything. Last year he broke his neck, split his head wide open and shattered his wrist in a fall on the job. I used an entire month of my vacation time at work to care for him daily as he was in a neck brace for 3 months.
    I lived for our us!!! This is my thank you for being such a good wife. He stole 25 years of my life, my home, my time, my hard earned money and my soul. Starting your life over at 30 is one thing but starting over at 57 years old really sucks!! I worked soooo hard for everything.

    I love your letter but can’t see me being able to say I forgive him. Maybe a few years from now as this is all just happening now. I will print it out and perhaps one day will be able to live by it. Pity is more what I feel for two of the most selfish, heartless and disrespectful people I will ever meet in my life.. I pray that I can move forward quickly rather than later.
    Thank you for a great letter

    • Hey Patti I’d say you definitely got the shitty end of the stick BUT thank God you are free from all that drama. YOU certainly don’t need it. I’d also like to add you are still young enough to enjoy some happiness. Have faith. Forgiveness will come one day. That I am certain of. Try writing a truth letter. Free your soul from that toxicity. You deserve it.

      much love
      iva

  • I’m trying to reach this point in my life. I lived for over 20 years with a man who was emotionally and verbally abusive. He finally walked out on me on my birthday no less. While trying to get passed that and rediscover me I met and married another man who seems to have picked up where my first husband left off. Each day is a constant struggle for me. I try to do right by me only to be treated like me and what I need don t matter. I wish I had the strength to end it, but I’m a giving and caring person and my now husband is disabled and requires several more surgeries. I’m just not rhe kind of person who can kick him to the curb. I take each day as it comes and am waiting to let go.

    • HI Christina. Reading your comment made me cry. :( You are a caring loving selfless soul. Know that you are a beautiful person. I hope you find happy things that Christina likes to do to make her smile and put a song in her heart :)

      much love
      iva

  • Hi iva,

    Yeah I know the feeling, the betrayal from a friend the hurtful words he said,the silent treatment, and most of all the feeling that he doesnt care at all. He doesnt care if he hurts you.i pray everday that i may fund in my heary to forgive me all the things he dine.so thanknyou for these letter.god bless

    • Hi Anna thanx for your comment. Forgiveness is not easy and it’s not for the weak..but it’s so important for our healing.
      God bless you too!

      much love
      iva

  • Thank you Iva,
    you’ve said all the things I felt after being in a Narcissistic relationship. I do not wish him Ill will. I wish he could love like a “normal ” person.
    He never will and that is what is really sad. That he will never know what it is like to love and be loved. I have found my joy again. But now my gaurd is up. I don’t trust like I used to. As an empath I have to follow my instincts when it comes to new people. Love and much peace to you.

    • Hey Colleen thanx for your comment and reading the blog. I never wish ill on anyone, not even ex’s and like you, I am sad that they will never know how to love. I just send them some of mine.

      much love
      iva

  • Thank you Iva,

    People search for these letters when they are broken. I never thought I would coming to this place after a good seven years of love, trust and happiness. Its been a year after the breakup..am still yet to find ground..time to make up and Move on..Thanks again

    • Thanx Sam. Life sure throws us twists and turns. :/ I know you will find strength to move on and be happy again :)

      much love
      iva

  • Hi iva, your letter is a result of your experience​, nice letter, it is really a worthful one.

    • Hi Ashwini, it sure is and thank you :)

      much love
      iva

  • So true!!!! I’ve just come thru a long and painful divorce from a man who cheated, lied, belittled, ignored and hurt our children, still does to some degree! I carried so much pain for a long time, a lot of hate, kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong?! Then finally after I lost my mum last year, going thru the last few weeks with her, I realised how insignificant he was, how unworthy of any time in my mind. I can’t say I forgive him , I simply don’t care any more. I’m learning to love myself again , to realise I’m not the piece of rubbish he led me to believe ! I am a good person, I am stronger than I ever realised, I am trying to be both mum and dad to my sons, and we are doing ok!!!
    Holding on to anger, to pain and hurt doesn’t hurt them, only you !!! You really do have to let it go!!! I caught up with some old friends recently (ones he had made me sever contact with!) and I realised how far I’d come when they asked what had happened with my ex and I realised I couldn’t actually be arsed to explain lol!!!! His actions no longer consume me!!!!
    Absolute respect to you for writing this letter publicly, for showing letting go of all this toxic stuff and learning to grow from a crappy situation is so healthy!!!
    All the very best to you and your future!!! Xxx

    • Hi Claire thanx so much for sharing your experience and your growth with us. You are a strong woman! Yay you!!

      much love
      iva

  • Great post. I agree you got to let it go. That anger, pain, and sadness are just too much to carry. It is toxic.

    • Thank you Megan and yes, forgive and release is a must in order to move on in peace.

      xoxo

  • Iva. Just read your letter about forgiveness. It touched me. I have people who did not intentionally hurt me but they did. A childhood friend coworkers managers etc. It hurt that I could never forgive them or forget what they did. Your letter made me realize that it doesn’t help to carry that burden around like extra emotional baggage. It’s not my fault if they did what they did. For a long time I blamed myself for their actions that I caused what happened to happen. Living with the guilt was not easy it became a part of my life that I didn’t need. Now after reading your letter. It’s okay to not carry the guilt anymore. Thank you very much. Sincerely Coleman Adams

    • Awe I’m so glad this blog helped you a little and thanx for sharing your story Coleman. Here’s to happier days ahead xoxo

  • Hey, these are my thoughts on what you wrote here.

    I read about the first 200 – 300 words. Great writing, great content and I connected with your feelings.

    Why did I stop reading after 200-300 words?

    Any guess?

    I’ll give you a hint…

    I’m a man. I’m male.

    I understand the feelings you put forth.

    Since you are female, you can get away with expressing these feelings in a letter, makes you look strong but I would very, very, very much argue that if a male expressed the same feelings and wrote a similar letter he would be thought of as weak for doing so.

    For the past 6 months, on occasions, I have attempted to write this sort of letter to a female I knew who did bad to me. I always end up never finishing it and deleting what I did manage to write.

    It blows my mind. It blows my mind how females are so selfish. They can straight up lie to your face and never care. Yeah, males also do that but not to the extent females do. The average female behaves this way, on the other hand with males, a “player” male behaves that way but the average 99% of females will straight up and lie and never think twice. Even when caught in a lie a female will never admit it. An elephant can sit on their face and a female will act like its not there. That’s problem #1.

    Problem #2. Well, it has to do with what you wrote. Jesus F Christ. Women can get away with writing these types of things to complain how she was betrayed, hurt, ect. If a man would do the same, even when he was truly betrayed, hurt, lied to he would come off as weak.

    Females are soooo judgmental. If you take the “average” female and male. The “average” female is so much worse in so many ways.

    • I had to reread the blog to see what you were talking about. I thought maybe it was another one? This is an open letter to ALL who hurt me, my parents, my best friend, my ex boyfriend, everyone. It’s not directed at any male. I’m not sure where you see that. And you can write a letter if you want. What people think of you is none of your business. If they think you are weak that’s their opinion and it shouldn’t sway you from writing your own healing letter.

      Much love to you xo

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