How to Move On and Let Go of Trauma From Your Past
Last Updated on 11 months by Iva Ursano
So easy to say. Move on. Let go. Forgive and Forget. If it were easy to do we’d all be doing it. But it’s not. We’re going to talk about how to move on in this article.
People tell us to do it all the time like it’s nothing. It’s nothing, right? Ah, he/she/they didn’t mean to do that. Just forgive, forget and move on.
Are you serious?
Well, what’s the big deal? What’s done is done and it’s over. Move on already.
Well, the big deal is that it really hurts, our hearts are broken into a million trillion pieces and we’re still not sure how he/she/they could have done that to us when they told us they loved us.
How to move on through forgiveness
Ah forgiveness. The dreaded eff word.
It’s not easy to do. It’s also not impossible to do. It will take time, guts, determination, strength, and courage. Oh, and a whole lot of practice. Practice and more practice.
But really, why should we forgive? I mean, why do these people or that person deserve my forgiveness anyway?
Why do they? They don’t. YOU do. WE do. WE deserve to forgive these people.
Let’s take mom and dad for example. They liked to hit. A lot. More than was necessary. Often brutal forces. Out of the blue. Whenever they thought I did something bad enough to deserve to be beaten and whipped til I was screaming and begging for them to stop. Yup.
So did I forgive them? Of course. Was it easy? Nope.
And to be perfectly honest, it didn’t happen until just a few years ago.
And then there were all the ex boyfriends who cheated, lied, emotionally, physically, sexually, and verbally abused me. Yup, forgave all of them too. And the guy, who was supposed to be my friend, who helped himself to $1000 of my money without telling me. Yup, you guessed it. Forgave him too.
How to forgive people who hurt you
So how do you forgive people like that? How do you move on and let go of people like that, how do you do it? People who claimed to love you took care of you, kept a roof over your head, etc.
How? And why? Why would you forgive monsters like that? (I would not call them monsters but some people might)
Because the pain and anger of carrying around the hate and resentment was too heavy a burden to carry. I carried it around for over 40 years. It ate at me and tore my heart and soul apart.
Because it robbed me of the happiness and peace I deserve. Moving on was important to me.
Because there was such heaviness and blackness in my soul the only way to get rid of it was to release the hatred and the only way to do that was through forgiveness.
I recently wrote this mini self help eBook on how to forgive someone who hurt you. You might like it. Click the link or the image below to grab your copy now.
How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
Can We Forget? No. Move On? Yes
Well, unless you are some magical being or you had your whole history wiped out and erased from your hard drive, then I’d have to say no.
We don’t forget. We never forget. It will always be there.
Do you dredge it up and talk about it all the time or do you just leave it buried and only talk about it when necessary?
You will never be able to move on if you continuously talk about your trauma or heartbreak.
Do you recount your trials to help people or to reclaim your victim status? That’s the difference right there. You see?
I used to bring it up all the time so I can hear people say “Oh poor you”. Yup, pretty pathetic really. Then the forgiveness kicked in. Now I bring it up to try to get people to see that forgiveness is possible.
Moving on and letting go
Oh right, getting back to the *forget* part of this. Every now and then the guy who ripped me off crosses my mind, but I just send him healing love and prayers. He needs it. Then I let that go.
Every now and then I think about my ex’s and all the crap they did to me. It’s so rare though I can practically say I hardly ever think of them anymore.
And my parents? Both dead now. I rarely even think of them anymore at all.
So do we forget? Nope. I don’t think so. But with forgiveness, when we think about it, it just doesn’t have the same poisonous effect it used to. Now it’s just a fleeting memory. It’s nothing, mostly.
The things I went through and lived through helped me to be the strong person that I am today. Strong, brave, courageous, accepting, and loving, very loving.
Because really, all the world needs is more love. Moving on is hard, not impossible.
Peace and Love
Love this Iva! I see so many people stuck in blame and they never seem to understand that they are hurting themselves over and over again. Day in and day out. Believe me I’ve done it and I know the relief when I stopped and finally forgave. No it’s not easy, but the alternative is much more difficult. I choose to forgive, I choose to be free <3
Thanx for your comment Allanah and glad you liked the blog. Forgiveness is such a dirty word but people don’t realize they are robbing themselves of freedom until they do it. xo I chose freedom too!