They do. We don’t like to admit it but they do. We believe lies and a lot of them. I know it’s not just me. Our hearts eat lies and it’s kinda pathetic. Really it is.
So why do we torment ourselves like that? Why do we keep letting our hearts eat lies? Is there any satisfaction in it? Does it make us happy? Do we feel good doing it? I can’t answer that for you, but I know for myself there’s a temporary happiness attached to it. Yup, pathetic.
So I recently just had my heart eat lies again and in all honesty, I’m still reeling from the pain of that one. Oh it was a doozy this time. So why did I do that? Why do we keep doing that? Well I’m no psychologist but in my experience this is why I believe we let our hearts eat lies.
I’m lonely dammit.
Topping the list is, what I feel, the #1 reason why eat lies. We’re lonely and there’s no shame in admitting it. I’ve been in Guatemala for 2 years now and the dating scene for women my age is almost non existent so when I do meet someone new that I’m attracted to it’s balls to the wall for me. It fills that lonely gap. Whether or not he’s good or bad for me doesn’t matter at the time. My heart will eat this lie for temporary happiness (one day I’ll be able to cure myself of this).
Trauma, triggers and torment.
We’re scarred by them still to this day but the crazy thing is we let ourselves get wrapped up in them even though we know we are way more deserving. But you see the thing is, we’re used to it. We know what to expect and how to handle it. Whether we like it or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re pros at dealing with them. Why change that?
Learning to deal with something other than what we’re used to is scary. We don’t like scary, we like comfort. Ammirite?
I’m not worthy.
Sound familiar? Self worth is frustrating. We hold our heads up high knowing that we are worthy. We are awesome. We are enough. Dammit we are….but then our heart gets fed a lie and we eat it up because, that gap, remember? That darn gap is bigger than our self worth at times. Yup, it’s frustrating for sure.
The struggle is real. I am worthy, I need affection. Good grief!
It’s not that bad.
Boom there it is. How many times have you said that? Oh I’ve been through worse, this one’s ok. He’ll/she’ll do. At least he/she isn’t as bad as my ex!
Oh I’ve said this more times than I wanna admit. That gap! I mean let’s face it, our ex’es were the spawns of Satan. This new person isn’t that bad. I can handle whatever shit they throw at me. I can handle their brokenness and their baggage. I need attention dammit.
Make me feel good please!
I just want to feel good and I want someone to do that for me. I mean, I can make myself feel good too. Honest I can (and I don’t mean just sexually here). I love who I am and I think I’m a pretty decent person. I have lots of friends who make me feel good and happy.
We know it’s not the same. That’s not what we’re after. We want affection and attention and someone to hold hands with and rub our backs and all that good stuff that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. At this stage of our loneliness, we’ll take whatever we can get.
Yup, pathetic lot we are.
So now that we know the reasons why we let our hearts eat lies, what do we do about it? Keep feasting? Well we could but why would we want to? Remember the burning question was “where’s the satisfaction in that”?. It’s all temporary happiness.
Are we not deserving of more? Are we not worth more than a bunch of lies? Isn’t it permanent happiness we are after?
Of course! But all that comes with a little bit of internal work. We have to believe we are worthy. We have to know we deserve more. We have to set boundary lines (ugh) and stick to them! We have to love ourselves so much that others know how to love us.
But that gap. Time to fill it up with self love. Love yourself so fucking much that that gap closes up tight and never reopens again.
Hey Iva, I fucking love you!
Peace and Love