Last Updated on 11 months by Iva Ursano
Do you know how to spot a narcissist? I never used to be able to. I do now.
Years ago, you could have coloured me clueless on this one. It seems nowadays people are throwing this word around like confetti. Everyone, at least once in their life, has come into contact with a narcissist. For some of us, it has been family members, for others, their significant others. But still many of us question what is a narcissist because we’re really just not sure!
So I Googled this question ‘what is a narcissist” and this is the definition:
a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.“narcissists who think the world revolves around them”
Too often, we will chalk up their behaviour to a bad upbringing or a rough life but there’s so much more to it than that.
To be honest, and in my defence, for the longest time, I had no clue what a narcissist was. I just thought that some people I had to deal with just had shitty behaviour. Period. Like they were just naturally jerks or bullies.
Such is not the case. Narcissistic personality disorder is a thing. A very serious thing. And a scary thing at that.
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Is it possible for a narcissist to change?
This is a big question. Many of us are fixers, amirite? We know someone has issues or problems and we want to do everything in our power to ‘help’ them, make them better, fix them. The fact of the matter, we can’t but that doesn’t mean they can’t change.
I truly believe that each and every one of us has the power to change, but only if we truly can recognize the problem lies in us and we want to fix it. So can a narcissist change? The optimist in me says absolutely yes, I think they can.
Only if they want to. Stop trying to do that for them. You’ll only frustrate yourself.
But one thing is for certain, someone with narcissistic personality disorder is most likely in denial, meaning, they don’t think there is anything wrong with them. In their eyes, they’re right, they’re the best and they’re perfect. Kinda hard to get them to see otherwise, unfortunately.
You might really enjoy this video where Dr. Ramani explains the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. I really enjoy listening to her and I think you will too.
Do you know how to spot a narcissist?
I’ll admit, I never knew how to spot a narcissist. Not a clue. I started seeing more and more blogs pop up on the internet and the more I read, the more I realized I had many in my life. Even my mom.
I’ve dated my fair share of them and even worked with one or two. The last relationship I was in was definitely a narcissistic relationship.
Check the signs below to see if you recognize your partner there.
Now that I know what to look for, my narcissist radar is always on.
Healthline.com has this super informative article on how to tell if you are in a relationship with a narcissist. I think you might like it.
You might also like these blogs I wrote about toxic relationships and dealing with a narcissist.
Before we get into the meat and potatoes of this blog and how to spot a narcissist, you might want to check out my new mini self help eBook series You Are Amazing. There are books on how to love yourself, how to forgive someone who hurt you and many more.
Click here to check them out or the image below.
How to spot a narcissist
So how do we know if the person we are dealing with really is a narcissist or just has ‘glitches’, if you will, in their personality? Let’s go over 5 warning signs that will show you how to spot a narcissist. Some narcissistic traits stand out more than others. Watch out for these 5.
5 signs you are dealing with a narcissist
1 They need constant praise and attention/admiration
They have this air about them that’s all “hey look at me and look at all the great things I did/I am and look how important I am and I’m so much better than you”.
Ya, they got that thing going on. It’s annoying af and though it just sounds like bragging, well it is, but it’s a clear sign that they are a narcissist. Pay attention to their inflated ego. It will shine bright. If you are dealing with someone like this, know that without a shadow of a doubt, they don’t really care about you and they probably never will.
They are far more important than you and whatever they are bragging about is way better than anything you’ve ever done. They don’t want to hear it.
2 Frequently belittles people/you
They have no problem talking down to you. I mean, remember, they are better than you in every sense of the word. You are stupid, ignorant, not as good, or whatever and they are always going to one-up you. Sometimes they will do this by belittling you, by making you feel stupid.
Narcissists have no problem being the bully. They’re actually quite good at it. It almost comes naturally to them. You or anyone else will never be as good as them. They are perfect, you are the dirt on the bottom of their shoe and have no qualms in letting you know that.
It’s almost like they don’t even have a conscious. Talking down to people without batting an eyelash. Not many people can do that and not feel bad. Only a true narcissist can pull that off.
This is another term that has recently come to the surface and also, one I had no idea what it meant. Until I finally looked it up. The light bulb went off in my head like the 4th of July. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you and brainwashes you into thinking that everything is your fault. They will manipulate you to believe something that they believe is right no matter how much you are against it.
A narcissist is a master of gaslighting. Remember, they are always right/better/smarter/greater than everyone else and they will do whatever they have to do to make you see their side is the right side.
They will always make you feel like you are not worthy of anything and that whatever is wrong is all because of you.
4 Always right, never wrong.
Don’t try telling a narcissist they are wrong about anything, ever. They are never wrong and if you try to correct them they will get extremely defensive and argumentative. They are so not open-minded when it comes to being corrected.
They know everything. They are the best. They are the smartest, etc. Need I go on? The sad part of all that is they may even know they are wrong but they will never admit it and don’t expect an apology either.
5 Constantly lying
All the damn time. But not just any kind of little white lie. The big kind of lies that make you look like the dummy in the situation which in turn makes you think you are going crazy.
They will lie to your face and not think twice about it because they could not care less about your feelings, or you finding out that it in fact was a lie because they are really good at convincing you it wasn’t a lie. Ooph
How to break free from a narcissist
If you are dealing with anyone who has any of these narcissistic traits, it’s best you walk away. As a matter of fact, run. Run fast the other way. This person will only beat you down until you no longer have any self worth or self confidence. Therapy will be required. Trust me on that one.
Having narcissists as family members is one thing but loving a narcissist as in, in a relationship with one, well that’s a totally different ball game. You love them, a lot, you hate them, a lot, you wish they would change, you wish they would love and appreciate you more, you wish a lot of things but none of what you wish will happen. Ever.
If you are directly involved with a narcissist (relationship/family member/etc) remember to work on your self and your happiness and not let them get to you or beat you down. I know that’s easier said than done but eventually when you stop putting up with their crap, they may reduce the frequency that they torment you.
Please check out Kim Saeed’s course on breaking free from a narcissist. She truly is amazing! Click the link or the image below for more info.
Knowing how to spot a narcissist can save you tremendous grief!!!
So now that we know how to spot a narcissist we can either leave or deal with this narcissist.
Plain and simple, it’s no easy feat and if you can get away from this person, all the better. If that’s not possible, stand up to them. Find and use your voice more. Don’t let them belittle you. Stand up to them more often. Call them out on their bs. Don’t be afraid to tell them to stop.
You must always remember that first and foremost, your happiness is more important than anything. Also, remember that you are awesome and amazing and don’t let them make you believe anything less.
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ox iva xo