So easy to say. Moving on. Letting go. Forgive and Forget. People tell us to do it all the time, like it’s nothing. It’s nothing, right? Ah, he/she/they didn’t mean to do that. Just forgive, forget and move on. Are you serious? It’s hard to deal after the trauma, amirite?
Right. What’s the big deal anyway?
Well, the big deal is that it really hurts, our hearts are broken into a million trillion pieces and we’re still not sure how he/she/they could have done that to us when they told us they loved us.
Moving on with forgiveness
Well of course you can. It’s not easy to do. It’s also not impossible to do. It will take time, guts, determination, strength and courage. Oh, and a whole lot of practice. Practice and more practice.
But really, why should we forgive? I mean, why do these people or that person deserve my forgiveness anyway?
Why do they? They don’t. YOU do. WE do. WE deserve to forgive these people.
Let’s take mom and dad for example. They liked to hit. A lot. More than was necessary. Often brutal forces. Out of the blue. Whenever they thought I did something bad enough to deserve to be beat and whipped til I was screaming and begging for them to stop. Yup. So did I forgive them? Of course. Was it easy? Nope. And to be perfectly honest, it didn’t happen until just a few years ago.
And then there were all the ex boyfriends who cheated, lied, emotionally and verbally abused me. Yup, forgave all them too. And the guy, who was supposed to be my friend, who helped himself to $1000 of my money without telling me. Yup, you guessed it. Forgave him too.
But Why, Iva, Why?
So how do you forgive people like that? Moving on and letting go from people like that, how do you do it? People who claimed to love you, took care of you, kept a roof over your head, etc. How? And why? Why would you forgive monsters like that? (I would not call them monsters but some people might)
Because the pain and anger of carrying around the hate and resentment was too heavy a burden to carry. I carried it around for over 40 years. It ate at me and tore my heart and soul apart.
Because it robbed me of the happiness and peace I deserve. Moving on was important to me.
Because there was such heaviness and blackness in my soul the only way to get rid of it was to release the hatred and the only way to do that was through forgiveness.
Can We Forget? No. Move On? Yes
Well, unless you are some magical being or you had your whole history wiped out and erased from your hard drive, then I’d have to say no. We don’t forget. We never forget. It will always be there. Do you dredge it up and talk about it all the time or do you just leave it buried and only talk about it when necessary. Moving on is necessary.
Do you recount your trials to help people or to reclaim your victim status? That’s the difference right there. You see?
I used to bring it up all the time so I can hear people say “Oh poor you”. Yup, pretty pathetic really. Then the forgiveness kicked in. Now I bring it up to try to get people to see that forgiveness is possible.
Letting go and moving on
Oh right, getting back to the *forget* part of this. Every now and then the guy who ripped me off crosses my mind, but I just send him healing love and prayers. He needs it. Then I let that go. Every now and then I think about my ex’s and all the crap they did to me. It’s so rare though I can practically say I hardly ever think of them anymore. And my parents? One dead, and one has their foot in the grave. I rarely even think of them anymore at all.
So do we forget? Nope. I don’t think so. But with forgiveness, when we think about it, it just doesn’t have the same poisonous effect it used to. Now it’s just a fleeting memory. It’s nothing, mostly.
The things I went through and lived through helped me to be the strong person that I am today. Strong, brave, courageous, accepting and loving, very loving.
Because really, all the world needs is more love. Moving on is hard, not impossible.
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Peace and Love
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