To All the Mothers Who Don’t Deserve to Be Honored.

Iva Ursano
8 comments

So another Mother’s Day is here. I’m a mom. My son loves me to the moon and back. He’s a good kid but he’s also really good at forgetting Mother’s Day. He doesn’t do it on purpose. “Mom, why do you need one special day to honor you? I love you every day.” Well, I get that and it makes sense. But……

We don’t all have great mothers. We don’t all have mothers who we want to honor on any given day, especially not on Mother’s Day.

…and then there’s my mom.

My mom?

Well, she certainly wasn’t the Spawn of Satan but there were many many times during my life I was sure her and the Devil did exchange notes and shake hands.

There was that one time she let my dad beat me in front of company ( a Church minister and his wife) and she did nothing to stop him (nobody did). Actually any time my dad beat me she never stopped him. She usually just left the room or stood by and watched.

And then there’s that time she beat me so bad I think she may have even hurt her own fists which is why she stopped. I was 11 yrs old that time.

Oh and then there was that time she banned me from going onto their property because I finally decided to move the fuck out and move in with my boyfriend at 18 and she called me a whore (a name she called me quite often actually) and told me to leave.

But the one time I will NEVER forget for as long as I live was when she beat my older sister and tied her to the bed so she wouldn’t *escape* and told me not to untie her. I was 13 yrs old and absolutely fucking horrified.

The beatings I’ve forgiven her for. She didn’t know any better. Or did she? Doesn’t really matter now.

She was always very angry and always treating my dad so poorly. Mind you at that time, even though I felt he deserved every foul insult she spewed at him, I still kinda felt bad for him. Oh she was mean and angry and almost borderline hateful.

But wait…

Was she all bad? Well, I didn’t see a nicer side of her until we all grew up, got married (and then divorced) and had kids of our own. Suddenly she became Mary fucking Poppins. Was that her redemption? I don’t know. Did she one day just wake up after we were all grown and gone and shout *a-ha* I can be a nice lady!!

I’m not really sure what happened to her but she became nice. She became the mother that anyone really would have wanted. Loving, caring, supportive. Was it too late? Not for me it wasn’t. I’ll take it. Besides, she owed it to me.

Fast forward

I think my mom did her best to be a good person. I also think my mom had two lives. The evil one behind closed doors and then the Church going one. Yup, she actually was heavily involved in the Church. Lay Minister, Church Choir, etc. Oh how she loved the Church and God.

I dunno I still don’t get it….

But anyway, the last 10 years my mom has been rotting away in a nursing home waiting to die. She’s in the final stages of Alzheimers and we all just pray for her death. Like, enough already. Just take her for fuck sakes.

Karma? Honestly, I think so.

So what’s this day all about for the rest of us?

For those of us who don’t really honor our moms, what’s it all for? For me, it’s about being a good mom to my son and it’s about thanking my mom for the life she’s given me.

I actually have a pretty sweet life. I’ve forgiven her and my dad and all the other mean people in my life who claimed to love me and hurt me anyway. I’ve forgiven you all.

Mother’s Day for me is being grateful to the person who brought me here, on earth, to live out the most amazing life ever. Thank you, I love you.

Do you need help getting past the past and moving on in love and forgiveness? Are you still struggling to find joy, peace and love in your life? Check out my new self help eBook. A powerhouse guide to help you live the life you deserve. Click here for more info and to download your copy now!

Peace and Love

Iva

8 Warning Signs You May be Suffering With an Inferiority Complex.

Iva Ursano
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Many people suffer from inferiority complex, sometimes without even knowing it. The problem is that it can often hold us back in life. Most people can recall a time in their lives when they felt inferior, but if someone constantly believes that they are not good enough, they might have an inferiority complex.

Although certain psychologists believe that feeling inferior can be motivating in some ways, it can prove to be really hard in your everyday life.I’m no stranger to feeling like this. Honestly, most of my life I suffered with an inferiority complex. I got it under control finally. I know my worth.

Here are eight warning signs that you have an inferiority complex:

1. You always need validation

Are you always asking other people’s opinion about things you have done? Or when you have done something nice, do you need others to compliment you about it?

That could stem from your childhood years if you didn’t receive praise from your mother and father. At that early stage in your life, pleasing your parents would have boosted your self-esteem. However, if your parents used to ignore you, when you grew older, you’d have to seek out this praise from other people.

2. You’re overly sensitive to others’ opinions

Do you often get upset when you hear others talking about you? Are you extremely sensitive to what other people think about you? Do you feel like you can’t stand up for yourself if you hear somebody commenting about you? Also, do you take to heart anything others say against you and end up worrying about it for weeks?

We all get a little upset if somebody has said something awful about us, this is natural. However, if you’re stressing over the slightest thing, then it might be a sign that you suffer from an inferiority complex.

3. You put your needs last

If you feel that you’re inferior, you’re likely always to put yourself last every time it comes to the pecking order. As you feel low and not worthy, you think it’s right that other people should be above you.

Nevertheless, never forget that putting yourself last might lead to feelings of resentment and anger over time.

4. You can’t take constructive criticism

All people need to hear certain things to feel better in their lives. However, if the tiniest bit of negative critique leaves you desperate and low for weeks, then that’s definitely a sign that things are not right.

Healthy criticism is necessary for everybody, and no one should be exempt. However, some people cringe or shy away from the slightest bit of advice. Imagine how you’ll grow as a person unless you ever receive feedback?

5. You crave flattery

You may not be able to take constructive criticism, but you do love compliments. Being flattered can make you puff up with joy, and for a little while at least you will feel better about yourself

The problems begin when you start to rely on flattery to get on with things because sometimes you simply have to carry on without getting praise for merely doing your job.

6. You often procrastinate

Is it hard for you to begin new projects or tasks? Do you usually put off what you can do tomorrow, and then tomorrow comes and you still can’t find a way to motivate yourself?

If you’re a constant procrastinator, it could be due to your fear that whatever you do will not be good enough, so why bother even beginning?

7. You withdraw from society

Many of us don’t like to have to socialize often, and for many several reasons. However, if you actually withdraw from society, then have a think why you don’t want to go out.

Is it because you do not want to hear what other people have to say about you, or do you just know for a fact that you’re not good enough? Do you fear that people will discover that you are no good and choose to stay indoors so that they never find out the truth about you? If you stay in to avoid comparisons, it’s a great sign that you feel inferior.

8. You find faults with other people

Since you know all about your faults, you believe you have a trained eye when it comes to the faults of others. You may also want to find fault with other people so that it takes your attention and focus away from you. As you already don’t feel that great about yourself, you don’t care if others feel rubbish about themselves. And when other people feel bad, it often makes you feel better.

There’s a big difference between feeling inferior and being inferior. Consider what your talents and your strengths are and concentrate on those, instead of highlighting whatever weaknesses you believe you might have.

This article was originally titled  8 Signs You Suffer From Inferiority Complex and published on Thinking Humanity. It is re-posted here under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

If you are struggling with self confidence/worth/esteem/love or just simply struggling to be happy, why not check out my new self help eBook From Hell to Happiness. Click here for more info and to download your copy now!

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How to Deal With Depression and Suicidal Thoughts.

Iva Ursano
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Your life is great. You have a great family, a fulfilling career, a spouse who loves you, and friends who get you. Then, wham, out of nowhere you can barely get out of bed in the morning, your accomplishments feel empty, and you’re overwhelmed by thoughts that you’re not enough. Do you know how to deal with depression when it hits hard?

Depression can happen to anyone, and it can happen when you least expect it. Even when life is great and you’re checking all the boxes of success, depression can knock you down so many times that you stop seeing the point in getting up again. And depression doesn’t just affect your moods—it can take also take your life.

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, eight percent of all adults experience depression at some point in their lives. Many people with depression go on to take their own lives, and as a result, suicide is the cause behind 24 percent of deaths in 15-24 year olds and 16 percent of deaths in 25-44 year olds.

And it gets worse. Global News reports that 41 percent of Canadians are at high risk of developing a mental illness, due in part to intense stress that leaves people feeling unable to cope. For seven percent of Canadians, it’s so bad that they’ve thought about self-harm or suicide more than once in the past year.

Despite how commonplace it is, not that many people seek help for depression. While mental health stigma is thankfully decreasing, it’s still a big factor in people’s decision to get help. But sometimes, it’s not stigma that’s the problem—it’s that we don’t even know it’s depression.

How to deal with depression.

Depression doesn’t always look like an endless, suffering sadness. People with depression get up and go to work, they have social lives, and they even laugh and have fun. It can happen after a traumatic life event, it can happen in good times, and it can happen for seemingly no reason at all.

It’s those last two that throw so many people off. Think of postpartum depression: You’ve just had a child, and it’s one of the happiest times in your life. But you also feel sad and anxious, and you’re doubting your ability to be a mother. Is it postpartum depression, or do all new mothers feel this overwhelmed?

Or how about seasonal affective disorder? You’re tired all the time, all you want to eat is pasta and sweets, and you’d rather stay in alone than go out and do anything. But it’s cold, and it’s dark, and maybe it’s just the weather—after all, you felt fine two months ago, and nothing major has changed since then.

So how do you know when it’s depression? Rather than self-diagnose, talk to a mental health professional if you’re experiencing a sadness that doesn’t seem to be going away, especially if it’s affecting your daily life. Depression’s effects on sleeping and eating habits, focus, mood, and self-worth can be subtle, but together they equal a big disruption to your life.

If you’re abusing drugs or alcohol, feeling hopeless, or thinking about killing yourself, don’t wait: Call Crisis Services Canada at 1-833-456-4566 or call 911 if you’re in immediate danger.

Mental health treatment

According to Drugrehab.org, “Addiction creates many biological changes in the chemistry of the brain and can can cause altered perceptions. This distortion of reality can both amplify depressed feelings and convince someone that suicide will fix the problem.”

Getting mental health treatment is important. You can help that treatment succeed by taking additional measures to improve your mental wellness.

Eating well, living a physically active lifestyle, and staying social are important for every person’s mental well-being, but especially if you have depression. Get enough sleep, avoid drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, and find healthy ways to stop stress.

Depression is a serious problem. But unlike suicide, it’s not forever. If any of this sounds familiar to you, or you’ve noticed signs of depression or suicide in a friend, it’s time to do something about it. There’s no shame in getting help, and there’s a lot of joy to be found in getting better.

Author bio:

 Melissa Howard firmly believes that every suicide is preventable. After losing her younger brother to suicide, she felt compelled to create an organization called “StopSuicide”. By providing helpful resources and articles on this website, she hopes to build a lifeline of information. Check out her site here Stop Suicide.

Love Me or Hate Me, I Don’t Give a F**k (and neither should you)

Iva Ursano
10 comments

Come on, you gotta love these titles, really? They are hard hitting and I think some of them either make you hate me or love me right off the bat. Funny thing about that is, well, I really don’t care.

BUT before you hate me already, really, let me explain myself a bit. I want my blogs to be of great reading enjoyment. I want them to hit whatever nerve they have to, but most importantly I want them to speak to you in a way that you need to hear.

When I was wallowing in my self pity and living my shit life, it was blog reading, ebook reading, and all that other personal development stuff that saved me. So here’s to hoping that just maybe, I can aid in saving you, if you’re up for saving and then maybe you can love yourself more and not care what others think.

Moving along….

I used to care too much. Do people love me? Hate me?

I mean, there was a time I used to do ridiculously stupid shit just so people would like me. I do would do stuff and then can recall going home and thinking to myself “well that was fucking stupid”. Peer pressure maybe I guess? I used to think peer pressure was just a high school thing but I’m a perfect living example that it’s not. Peer pressure is real shit. Even as adults.

If you were going to drink 60 oz of tequila and then drop two hits of acid and then go train jumping, well dammit if it meant being your friend, then I was gonna do that shit too.

Stupidity is what it was. Sheer stupidity. As I got older, (and relatively came to my senses, what little I had then) it turned into me doing stupid shit so that my boyfriend wouldn’t dump me. I would do whatever they wanted. I desperately wanted, needed and had to be liked, loved and wanted. Period. It didn’t matter what I had to do.

Wake up and smell coffee or chocolate or something for Chrissakes!!!

I was 51 years old when it finally hit me. Can you believe that? It took me all that time to wake up and realize it wasn’t coffee that was brewing, it was shit. Stupid shit that I had been doing for all my life.

All my life I so desperately needed and wanted to be loved, needed, liked, respected. All that was happening was that my self worth was sinking lower and lower until it was almost non existent.

Actually by the time I realized what I was doing, I had no self nothing, nudda, zippo, zilch. No self love, value, respect, esteem, confidence. Nope. I was a shell of a person, Weak, vulnerable, naive and lost.

But I caught it. I recognized it. I woke up and wondered who the fuck was I, what am I and why do I let people keep walking all over me and trashing me so bad in hopes that they will like me? What on earth is the matter with me?

I’m a nice person, damn you.

And so began the long long long, wait one more, long healing journey of self discovery. I needed to realize that the only person who was supposed to like me was me and if I didn’t like me then my problem was bigger than I thought. And guess what? I didn’t like me. No wonder why you didn’t like me either.

I had to learn who Iva was. I had to see if she was nice or not. I had to figure out what made her tick and if she had some serious shit going on that maybe needed working on. By that I mean negative things, poor attitude, stuff like that.

Slow but sure I came alive again. I was learning new things about me. Some definitely needed changing, others just needed a bit of tweaking.

After almost one full year a whole new Iva emerged. A damn nice one too. One that doesn’t really put up with anybody’s negative crap any more and one that will stand up for what she believes in. One that will help another human being no matter what, and one that won’t put up with any one who is judgmental. Got no time for that.

Iva is full of self confidence, she’s loving, caring, with a touch of craziness. In a fun way. Crazy in a fun way that makes people laugh, smile and feel good about themselves. It took her a really fucking long time to get here but she’s never been happier.

Iva is a nice person and if you don’t like her, she doesn’t really care.

Is that Guatemalan coffee I smell brewing?

Peace and Love

Iva

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