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To All the Mothers Who Don’t Deserve to Be Honored.

by Iva Ursano May 3, 2018July 30, 2018.

So another Mother’s Day is here. I’m a mom. My son loves me to the moon and back. He’s a good kid but he’s also really good at forgetting Mother’s Day. He doesn’t do it on purpose. “Mom, why do you need one special day to honor you? I love you every day.” Well, I get that and it makes sense. But……

We don’t all have great mothers. We don’t all have mothers who we want to honor on any given day, especially not on Mother’s Day.

…and then there’s my mom.

My mom?

Well, she certainly wasn’t the Spawn of Satan but there were many many times during my life I was sure her and the Devil did exchange notes and shake hands.

There was that one time she let my dad beat me in front of company ( a Church minister and his wife) and she did nothing to stop him (nobody did). Actually any time my dad beat me she never stopped him. She usually just left the room or stood by and watched.

And then there’s that time she beat me so bad I think she may have even hurt her own fists which is why she stopped. I was 11 yrs old that time.

Oh and then there was that time she banned me from going onto their property because I finally decided to move the fuck out and move in with my boyfriend at 18 and she called me a whore (a name she called me quite often actually) and told me to leave.

But the one time I will NEVER forget for as long as I live was when she beat my older sister and tied her to the bed so she wouldn’t *escape* and told me not to untie her. I was 13 yrs old and absolutely fucking horrified.

The beatings I’ve forgiven her for. She didn’t know any better. Or did she? Doesn’t really matter now.

She was always very angry and always treating my dad so poorly. Mind you at that time, even though I felt he deserved every foul insult she spewed at him, I still kinda felt bad for him. Oh she was mean and angry and almost borderline hateful.

But wait…

Was she all bad? Well, I didn’t see a nicer side of her until we all grew up, got married (and then divorced) and had kids of our own. Suddenly she became Mary fucking Poppins. Was that her redemption? I don’t know. Did she one day just wake up after we were all grown and gone and shout *a-ha* I can be a nice lady!!

I’m not really sure what happened to her but she became nice. She became the mother that anyone really would have wanted. Loving, caring, supportive. Was it too late? Not for me it wasn’t. I’ll take it. Besides, she owed it to me.

Fast forward

I think my mom did her best to be a good person. I also think my mom had two lives. The evil one behind closed doors and then the Church going one. Yup, she actually was heavily involved in the Church. Lay Minister, Church Choir, etc. Oh how she loved the Church and God.

I dunno I still don’t get it….

But anyway, the last 10 years my mom has been rotting away in a nursing home waiting to die. She’s in the final stages of Alzheimers and we all just pray for her death. Like, enough already. Just take her for fuck sakes.

Karma? Honestly, I think so.

So what’s this day all about for the rest of us?

For those of us who don’t really honor our moms, what’s it all for? For me, it’s about being a good mom to my son and it’s about thanking my mom for the life she’s given me.

I actually have a pretty sweet life. I’ve forgiven her and my dad and all the other mean people in my life who claimed to love me and hurt me anyway. I’ve forgiven you all.

Mother’s Day for me is being grateful to the person who brought me here, on earth, to live out the most amazing life ever. Thank you, I love you.

Do you need help getting past the past and moving on in love and forgiveness? Are you still struggling to find joy, peace and love in your life? Check out my new self help eBook. A powerhouse guide to help you live the life you deserve. Click here for more info and to download your copy now!

Peace and Love

Iva

Inspiration

How to Deal With Depression and Suicidal Thoughts.

by Iva Ursano April 24, 2018May 29, 2018.

Your life is great. You have a great family, a fulfilling career, a spouse who loves you, and friends who get you. Then, wham, out of nowhere you can barely get out of bed in the morning, your accomplishments feel empty, and you’re overwhelmed by thoughts that you’re not enough. Do you know how to deal with depression when it hits hard?

Depression can happen to anyone, and it can happen when you least expect it. Even when life is great and you’re checking all the boxes of success, depression can knock you down so many times that you stop seeing the point in getting up again. And depression doesn’t just affect your moods—it can take also take your life.

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, eight percent of all adults experience depression at some point in their lives. Many people with depression go on to take their own lives, and as a result, suicide is the cause behind 24 percent of deaths in 15-24 year olds and 16 percent of deaths in 25-44 year olds.

And it gets worse. Global News reports that 41 percent of Canadians are at high risk of developing a mental illness, due in part to intense stress that leaves people feeling unable to cope. For seven percent of Canadians, it’s so bad that they’ve thought about self-harm or suicide more than once in the past year.

Despite how commonplace it is, not that many people seek help for depression. While mental health stigma is thankfully decreasing, it’s still a big factor in people’s decision to get help. But sometimes, it’s not stigma that’s the problem—it’s that we don’t even know it’s depression.

How to deal with depression.

Depression doesn’t always look like an endless, suffering sadness. People with depression get up and go to work, they have social lives, and they even laugh and have fun. It can happen after a traumatic life event, it can happen in good times, and it can happen for seemingly no reason at all.

It’s those last two that throw so many people off. Think of postpartum depression: You’ve just had a child, and it’s one of the happiest times in your life. But you also feel sad and anxious, and you’re doubting your ability to be a mother. Is it postpartum depression, or do all new mothers feel this overwhelmed?

Or how about seasonal affective disorder? You’re tired all the time, all you want to eat is pasta and sweets, and you’d rather stay in alone than go out and do anything. But it’s cold, and it’s dark, and maybe it’s just the weather—after all, you felt fine two months ago, and nothing major has changed since then.

So how do you know when it’s depression? Rather than self-diagnose, talk to a mental health professional if you’re experiencing a sadness that doesn’t seem to be going away, especially if it’s affecting your daily life. Depression’s effects on sleeping and eating habits, focus, mood, and self-worth can be subtle, but together they equal a big disruption to your life.

If you’re abusing drugs or alcohol, feeling hopeless, or thinking about killing yourself, don’t wait: Call Crisis Services Canada at 1-833-456-4566 or call 911 if you’re in immediate danger.

Mental health treatment

According to Drugrehab.org, “Addiction creates many biological changes in the chemistry of the brain and can can cause altered perceptions. This distortion of reality can both amplify depressed feelings and convince someone that suicide will fix the problem.”

Getting mental health treatment is important. You can help that treatment succeed by taking additional measures to improve your mental wellness.

Eating well, living a physically active lifestyle, and staying social are important for every person’s mental well-being, but especially if you have depression. Get enough sleep, avoid drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, and find healthy ways to stop stress.

Depression is a serious problem. But unlike suicide, it’s not forever. If any of this sounds familiar to you, or you’ve noticed signs of depression or suicide in a friend, it’s time to do something about it. There’s no shame in getting help, and there’s a lot of joy to be found in getting better.

Author bio:

Melissa Howard firmly believes that every suicide is preventable. After losing her younger brother to suicide, she felt compelled to create an organization called “StopSuicide”. By providing helpful resources and articles on this website, she hopes to build a lifeline of information. Check out her site here Stop Suicide.

Inspiration

Love Me or Hate Me, I Don’t Give a Fuck!

by Iva Ursano April 13, 2018August 31, 2018.

Come on, you gotta love these titles, really? They are hard hitting and I think some of them either make you hate me or love me right off the bat. Funny thing about that is, well, I really don’t care.

BUT before you hate me already, really, let me explain myself a bit. I want my blogs to be of great reading enjoyment. I want them to hit whatever nerve they have to, but most importantly I want them to speak to you in a way that you need to hear.

When I was wallowing in my self pity and living my shit life, it was blog reading, ebook reading, and all that other personal development stuff that saved me. So here’s to hoping that just maybe, I can aid in saving you, if you’re up for saving and then maybe you can love yourself more and not care what others think.

Moving along….

I used to care too much. Do people love me? Hate me?

I mean, there was a time I used to do ridiculously stupid shit just so people would like me. I do would do stuff and then can recall going home and thinking to myself “well that was fucking stupid”. Peer pressure maybe I guess? I used to think peer pressure was just a high school thing but I’m a perfect living example that it’s not. Peer pressure is real shit. Even as adults.

If you were going to drink 60 oz of tequila and then drop two hits of acid and then go train jumping, well dammit if it meant being your friend, then I was gonna do that shit too.

Stupidity is what it was. Sheer stupidity. As I got older, (and relatively came to my senses, what little I had then) it turned into me doing stupid shit so that my boyfriend wouldn’t dump me. I would do whatever they wanted. I desperately wanted, needed and had to be liked, loved and wanted. Period. It didn’t matter what I had to do.

Wake up and smell coffee or chocolate or something for Chrissakes!!!

I was 51 years old when it finally hit me. Can you believe that? It took me all that time to wake up and realize it wasn’t coffee that was brewing, it was shit. Stupid shit that I had been doing for all my life.

All my life I so desperately needed and wanted to be loved, needed, liked, respected. All that was happening was that my self worth was sinking lower and lower until it was almost non existent.

Actually by the time I realized what I was doing, I had no self nothing, nudda, zippo, zilch. No self love, value, respect, esteem, confidence. Nope. I was a shell of a person, Weak, vulnerable, naive and lost.

But I caught it. I recognized it. I woke up and wondered who the fuck was I, what am I and why do I let people keep walking all over me and trashing me so bad in hopes that they will like me? What on earth is the matter with me?

I’m a nice person, damn you.

And so began the long long long, wait one more, long healing journey of self discovery. I needed to realize that the only person who was supposed to like me was me and if I didn’t like me then my problem was bigger than I thought. And guess what? I didn’t like me. No wonder why you didn’t like me either.

I had to learn who Iva was. I had to see if she was nice or not. I had to figure out what made her tick and if she had some serious shit going on that maybe needed working on. By that I mean negative things, poor attitude, stuff like that.

Slow but sure I came alive again. I was learning new things about me. Some definitely needed changing, others just needed a bit of tweaking.

After almost one full year a whole new Iva emerged. A damn nice one too. One that doesn’t really put up with anybody’s negative crap any more and one that will stand up for what she believes in. One that will help another human being no matter what, and one that won’t put up with any one who is judgmental. Got no time for that.

Iva is full of self confidence, she’s loving, caring, with a touch of craziness. In a fun way. Crazy in a fun way that makes people laugh, smile and feel good about themselves. It took her a really fucking long time to get here but she’s never been happier.

Iva is a nice person and if you don’t like her, she doesn’t really care.

Is that Guatemalan coffee I smell brewing?

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Peace and Love

Iva

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Inspiration

How to Let Go of Pain In 4 Simple Steps.

by Iva Ursano April 5, 2018July 30, 2018.

It’s not easy. Letting go. We like to hang on to all the memories, the happy, the sad and the pain. Oh how we like to hang on to the pain. We like to dig that shit up and talk about it to anyone who will listen because, you know, everyone wants to hear about your pain. But we can release the pain and in this blog I will share with you 4 steps on how to let go.

So when do we let go? When do we finally get to the point where we don’t want to dredge it up anymore? I mean, seriously, how long do you need to keep talking about that asshole who hurt you 10 years ago? Really.

Ok, so I get that letting go isn’t easy. At all. I used to hang on to too much shit for a long long time. It’s heavy. That stuff weighs you down.

During my self healing and self discovery phase I realized it was time. I knew it was going to be hard. I also knew that it was time to let go of the broken pieces of the past that I had held on to for far too long because they defined me. Or…did they?

They were my story. They were who Iva was and why Iva is the way she is today.

But…it was time to let all that go and create a new story. A much happier one. A lighter one. So how did I do this? Using these 4 super simple steps. I’m not guaranteeing they will work for you but they may. You won’t know until you try.

How to let go of pain in 4 steps

I’m not that person

That person who was hurt and broken so many years ago. I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve learned from the lessons and the pain. So why do I still need to carry this pain and anger? I don’t. It’s not who I am anymore.

Remind yourself that you don’t live in the past anymore and bringing all that to the present or future will do you only harm. Remember, we are here for joy.

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Pain is heavy

Grudges, hate, anger, all those negative and toxic emotions get heavy, really heavy. The thorn in your side, the monkey on your back and the chip on your shoulder only add to the black ugly blob of anger seething inside of you.

So. Is all that extra weight necessary? Don’t you want to know what it’s like to feel like you’re walking on clouds? Aren’t you tired of that stinking fucking monkey and really, is that thorn starting to sprout?

When you finally decide to release all the people who hurt you, I mean really let go, it will feel like you just shed dead weight. You did.

What’s the purpose?

No, really, what’s the purpose of that grudge, that anger, that hate? Is there a deeper meaning to why you want to hold on to it? Does it have a purpose? Will there be great satisfaction for you on your last day because you were able to hold onto all that pain for your whole life (doesn’t that sound absolutely ridiculous)?

I think it’s entitlement, or maybe that’s the wrong word, like a trophy. You hold it up high and shout “Look at all this pain. I’m stronger now because of it but I’m also angrier”.

Put it down. It’s not a trophy it’s a black ball of toxicity. It’s ugly and it has no purpose. When you realize there’s no purpose to it, it’s easier to dump it.

What’s ahead?

How will you ever know? You’re still clinging to the past. You aren’t making space for super good stuff to enter your life. What’s ahead is just a long dirty path of anger, hatred and pain. I think you’ve been on that path long enough. Don’t you agree?

The sooner you realize you are blocking good from coming to you, the sooner you will let go and make room for it. What you focus on, you get.