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To All the Mothers Who Don’t Deserve to Be Honored.

Last Updated on 3 years by Iva Ursano

So another Mother’s Day is here. I’m a mom. My son loves me to the moon and back. He’s a good kid but he’s also really good at forgetting Mother’s Day. He doesn’t do it on purpose. “Mom, why do you need one special day to honor you? I love you every day.” Well, I get that and it makes sense. But……We don’t all have great mothers. We don’t all have mothers who we want to honor on any given day, especially not on Mother’s Day.

…and then there’s my mom.

My mom?

Well, she certainly wasn’t the Spawn of Satan but there were many many times during my life I was sure her and the Devil did exchange notes and shake hands.

There was that one time she let my dad beat me in front of company ( a Church minister and his wife) and she did nothing to stop him (nobody did). Actually any time my dad beat me she never stopped him. She usually just left the room or stood by and watched.

And then there’s that time she beat me so bad I think she may have even hurt her own fists which is why she stopped. I was 11 yrs old that time.

Oh and then there was that time she banned me from going onto their property because I finally decided to move  out and move in with my boyfriend at 18.

But the one time I will NEVER forget for as long as I live was when she beat my older sister and tied her to the bed so she wouldn’t *escape* and told me not to untie her. I was 13 yrs old and absolutely horrified.

The beatings I’ve forgiven her for. She didn’t know any better. Or did she? Doesn’t really matter now.

She was always very angry and always treating my dad so poorly. Mind you at that time, even though I felt he deserved every foul insult she spewed at him, I still kinda felt bad for him. Oh she was mean and angry and almost borderline hateful.

But wait…

Was she all bad? Well, I didn’t see a nicer side of her until we all grew up, got married (and then divorced) and had kids of our own. Suddenly she became Mary  Poppins. Was that her redemption? I don’t know. Did she one day just wake up after we were all grown and gone and shout *a-ha* I can be a nice lady!!

I’m not really sure what happened to her but she became nice. She became the mother that anyone really would have wanted. Loving, caring, supportive. Was it too late? Not for me it wasn’t. I’ll take it. Besides, she owed it to me.

Fast forward

I think my mom did her best to be a good person. I also think my mom had two lives. The evil one behind closed doors and then the Church going one. Yup, she actually was heavily involved in the Church. Lay Minister, Church Choir, etc. Oh how she loved the Church and God.

I dunno I still don’t get it….

But anyway, the last 10 years my mom has been rotting away in a nursing home waiting to die. She’s in the final stages of Alzheimers and we all just pray for her death. Like, enough already. Just take her for God sake.

Karma? Honestly, I think so.

So what’s this day all about for the rest of us?

For those of us who don’t really honor our moms, what’s it all for? For me, it’s about being a good mom to my son and it’s about thanking my mom for the life she’s given me.

I actually have a pretty sweet life. I’ve forgiven her and my dad and all the other mean people in my life who claimed to love me and hurt me anyway. I’ve forgiven you all.

Mother’s Day for me is being grateful to the person who brought me here, on earth, to live out the most amazing life ever. Thank you, I love you.

I’ll have a glass to that!!

Peace and Love


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  1. Hi Iva, in scrolling through all the Mother’s Day pics and statuses on FB I was grateful for your post. I have such mixed emotions on this day, and I appreciate your brutal honesty and your perspective. So thanks for being vulnerable for the sake of others. Much appreciated :)

    1. Thanx for your comment Amber and glad you resonated with the post. These special days are hard on a lot of us especially because many of us don’t and never did have those special bonds with our parents. <3

      xo iva xo

  2. Very interesting post. Your vulnerability is appreciated by those who didn’t have dreamy childhoods. Thank you for writing this.

    1. Glad you liked it, thank you for your comment Jennifer.

      much love

      xo iva xo

  3. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.
    I’m a mother now. I love it. I would never give my kids away or abandon them. Ever!
    As my mother is aging, she wants a lot of love and attention. I wouldn’t think twice about it if she had given me love and attention when I was young.
    I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day. I celebrate birthdays, promotions, graduations and births. Those are my self proclaimed “Mother’s Days” Days because its more than once a year. When my children are older and understand/appreciate me being their mother, they can celebrate for me. I don’t mind.
    Peace, love and happiness. -G

    1. Hey Geri. I think there are many who feel this way we just don’t share it. I wanted to be a voice for “us”.

      much love
      xo iva xo

  4. I love your honesty and am so sad that you had to endure such terrible treatment. In spite of it all, you turned out to be one awesome human being. Thanks for sharing your heart and your wisdom!

    1. Thanx Gina. I appreciate your kind words and for taking the time to read and comment. There is always room in your heart for forgiveness and love, no matter what. xoxo

      much love

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