I have a very, very dark side that I struggle with. Nobody, not even my husband and kids, know how truly awful it can be. I sometimes experience heavy, massive amounts of insecurity, raging anger and extremely dark, negative thinking; it can be like torture. The fact that I’m an Angel Intuitive and healer, and have this dark side, might come as quite a shock.
The worst thing about it is, aside from the feelings, the fact that my reality is actually quite wonderful; but some part of me cannot truly enjoy it.
My business is thriving, my kids each have their own interests and are very happy and my husband is truly loving, supportive and a great guy. We have financial security and a fun life. And yet, it can be difficult to escape the negativity looming inside.
We all have battles, especially the intuitive healers who are expected to be perfect.
Most people in my life do not know these things about me. My work involves helping people with healing and intuitive guidance, which means I have to be the positive light for many people (and I seriously LOVE my work). That, combined with the happiness in my home life, leads people to believe there are no struggles for Gina.
If they spent a day in my dark side, that would change…
People tend to put us in a category and rarely think of us outside of it. What can we expect though? We get wrapped up in daily life and rarely take the time to examine our own story, let alone share it with others.
I see quotes all over Social Media like “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about; be kind”; and I totally agree. We all have struggles, strife and even battles; some more than others.
Yet we hardly ever share with each other, or learn from each other, or connect deeply enough with each other to know what those battles and struggles are.
Fight or Flight.
Our stories are part of us. Our dark side is what let’s the light in.
I have come to love and embrace it, but I do not allow it to run the show! There was a time, though, when it did. When you grow up in an alcoholic home, abused and often neglected by your parents, you struggle to feel secure with yourself and others; with anything really.
You live in a constant state of worry, fear and doubt; it’s like fight or flight ALL THE TIME.
Children exposed to chaos from parents who drink too much/too often, parents who use physical domination and contact as the primary form of discipline/parenting, and an extended family filled with no healthy boundaries and loads of dysfunctional behaviors (from sexual predators to violent criminals) grow up without feeling safe.
You grow up believing this is how everyone lives and, when you realize it is not, you actually have to face just how messed up your childhood was!
Save me from myself!
Don’t get me wrong, there was love in my childhood and some fun times.
But there was also lots and lots of turmoil, hitting, spanking, belt beatings, purse beatings, yelling, screaming, crying, hysteria, dysfunction, negativity, manipulative/narcissistic behavior, inappropriate behavior and anger; truckloads and truckloads of anger.
This was my childhood, I can never change it; but I am not ashamed of it either.
Being a highly energy sensitive person, ongoing exposure to this extremely toxic energy really, really messed me up for a long, long time. After a couple decades, in my teens and twenties, of way too much partying (to cover up my pain) and creating a host of health issues (including migraines, fibroids and anxiety), it was my spiritual awakening and journey that changed everything.
I got help from some amazing intuitives and energy healers, who finally led me to uncover, and face the fact that, I was co-dependent and indeed a survivor of abuse.
I AM gifted, dammit! I’m an intuitive healer!
These healers also helped me to reconnect with my own intuitive gifts, which I had suppressed as a teen because they made me feel way too different. That journey inspired me to help others with their own healing path; my pain lead me to create something positive.
That is how my healing business was born, eventually leading to writing and blogging as well. The work I do with clients is amazing and inspirational; they are brave and they change their lives for the better every single day. It is awesome to do what you love! And the life I have created, despite my painful childhood, keeps getting better.
So why does the dark side resurface time and again? Will it ever just go away?
Probably not. That river runs very, very deep. Healing is a journey, it’s not a destination; if we are living, we are healing on some level. Sharing my story, as scary as it is to do, helps. It helps me and maybe it can help others to do the same.
Whenever you shine a light, darkness begins to disappear.
For far too long, I have not really spoken or written much about my story because I was really afraid. The alcoholics from my childhood home strongly deny any issues and are still engaged with their behaviors.
Sharing is caring.
The abusers from my childhood home refuse to talk about it or admit it happened; which is a total mind mess! They will likely never change or take any responsibility for their actions, but I had to forgive them any way.
I had to understand that my parents really did do their best; the best they could at the time given their own crappy family backgrounds (which they avoid and keep secret) with neglect and abuse; but that is their story and not mine to tell.
I am telling my own story and I am sharing my dark side. I can choose to hold the pain inside and struggle, or I can let it out and triumph! It’s the same for any of us; once you share your story, it moves from struggle to triumph. Darkness cannot exist where there is light, and telling the truth is light.
Shine. Your. Light.
Gina Sendef is an Author, Angel Intuitive and Reiki Master. She helps people around the globe with guidance, healing & inspiration through her one on one Angel Readings, Angel Reiki healing/teaching and her articles and book, “Truth Works, Divine Life Lessons for Kids of All Ages”. Visit www.ginasendef.com for information about her work or follow her on Facebook here Angel Tribe with Gina and catch some great LIVE Angel Card Readings and Angel Card parties!
(this post contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission but the best part of that is the more I make, the more hungry bellies I can feed here in Guatemala-win win!!)