Step Away From Your Comfort Zone. It’s Bullshit.

My son is overseas at the moment. He’s been there since March of this year. I miss him like crazy. I keep up with him on Facebook through private messaging, and random pics he posts of his adventures. The last slew of pics he posted showed him swimming with whale sharks. Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone! eeep.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think someone just posted some pics from a National Geographic photo shoot. But nope. That was my kid and I’ve never been more proud of him. He has no plans of returning to Canada anytime soon which got me thinking about something.

Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I go overseas and swim with whale sharks too? (OK maybe those critters are kinda scary to me but I’m up for looking for giant sea turtles! )

This sure got me thinking…. a lot!!

And the wheels started turning. So here I am in Canada. Northern Ontario to be exact. Winter is coming. (which reminds me, Game of Thrones will be back on soon….yes!!!) If you know anything of winter up here you will understand why I’m itching to get the heck outta here soon!

If you don’t own a snow machine, snowshoes, skates or any other winter paraphernalia then you clearly just don’t belong up here. I don’t and I don’t. Why am I here then? Really? I despise winter. I am a horrible winter driver. I won’t take any road trips as soon as the snow flies. I hate being cold. What on earth am I doing here then?

Yes this really got me thinking. There’s surely something else out there for me. Outside of Northern Ontario Canada. Isn’t there?

Of course there is. There’s a whole big wide world out there. I am not chained to Sudbury. I like Sudbury. This has been my home for 52 years. But there’s more out there. And it’s time for me to discover it. I’ve realized there’s nothing keeping me here anymore. So why stay? Fear? Perhaps. Comfort? Maybe.

Stepping out of the comfort zone

So when do we get the balls to step out of our comfort zone? When do you we finally decide “OK world, here I come, look out!”? For me, it was easy. I could feel it deep within me. Burning so furiously and passionately inside of me. Something in me is screaming. I feel restless and full of anxiety. These are my cues. It’s time. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m anxious. I’m overwhelmed. I’m ready.

Do you have any of those feelings? Ever? Do you feel something inside of you screaming for your attention? Stop putting it to rest. Stop ignoring it! It’s screaming for a reason. It’s time. Time to step out of your comfort zone.

What’s next?

And now the real work begins, right? I mean it’s not like I can just stop life here, pick up and fly off to Malaysia to see my kid. There is preparation involved and lots of it. I have tunnel vision now and nothing is going to stop me and nothing is going to get in my way. Whatever does get in my way better be bigger than my dreams and I seriously doubt it will be.

We are all afraid of change because change requires work. We’re not sure if we’re properly equipped, if we’re strong enough or smart enough or, worse yet, confident enough. I’m not sure if I have all those qualities but I’m stubborn enough and that’s good enough for me.

I am focused now on the bigger picture and what I have to do to make it a reality. When we get that clear we become very resourceful. I’ve surprised myself in the last two months. I know what I want. Not sure how to get it but come hell or high water, I will get it.

Are you there yet? Are you scared enough yet? Can you feel it?

Update: This post was written in 2015. I have since traded in my hairstyling career for a freelance life, packed two suitcases and currently residing in Guatemala. Yup. I totally jumped out of my comfort zone and did what I had to do to be happier and live a life of freedom!

Follow me on Patreon now! There’s some super cool stuff going on over there!

Please take a minute to check out my new podcast. No Holds Barred

Peace and love

Iva

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How to Stop Fear From Robbing You of the Life You Deserve

I’m pretty sure that fear in the #1 killer of dreams and hopes. Amirite? It will stop you dead in your tracks and that shit doesn’t back down either. It knows when you are in goal setting mode and swiftly jumps in and stops you! Whammo! Just like that, in your face. And you back away. Mm hmm.

I’m no stranger to fear but I don’t let it stop me anymore from living the life I want. Nope. Not this girl.

And trust me, I got a lot of fears. I know that’s kinda hard to believe. I mean, this coming from someone who:

  • sold all her shit (53 yrs of her life to be exact)
  • packed two suitcases
  • bought a one way ticket
  • flew to Guatemala alone

Yup, I did all that and then some. Was I scared? Fuck ya!!!

Fear will always get in the way of goal setting

Always.You have a dream, a goal, an idea. You think it through, maybe even write it out on paper and go over it. Then suddenly you get a lump in throat, you can’t breathe, you feel like throwing up and maybe even get sweaty palms. And then you stop. You put it away. Man,that’s way too scary. No way in hell that’s gonna work anyway.

So here’s one of my personal fears and examples.

My fear of heights is almost crippling. I face it as often as I can. I have to walk across a high bridge 4 times a week to get to the gym I go to. It terrifies the fuck out of me every damn time but I do it and now I even stop and look over the bridge to the river below. That also scares the shit out of me, but I do it. Because being fit is important to me and I won’t let this fear stop me from reaching this goal.

And did you hear about my ziplining adventures? Oh geezus. This off the chart adventure was also in my goal setting journal. I seriously almost passed out from fear, I’m not even kidding. But I did it twice. Yup.

Face your fear, you badass, Iva. And I did.

But fear is terrifying….dammit!

Guess what else is scary?

Change. Yup. Change is hard. So hard.

Let’s look at my crazy life as an example (in a nutshell).

  1. 25 yrs as a hairdresser in a salon in a mall in Northern Ontario.
  2. Opened my own salon, ran it for 3 yrs, closed it and declared bankruptcy
  3. Right after that I left an abusive relationship without two cents to my name.
  4. No job, no money, no belongings, starting all over again at 51 yrs old.
  5. Taking on a challenge to become a full time freelancer and leave my hairstyling career
  6. Working on major personal development ( I had to reinvent my whole existence as I didn’t even know who I was after leaving my last relationship).
  7. And finally after two years of all that, ending up in Guatemala, alone, with no friends, rebuilding my life and living out my true purpose and calling in life.

WOW! You know, just reading that back I still can’t believe I did ALL that. Alone. But I did. You wanna talk about facing fears? Holy shit! Did I ever. Was I scared? You bet. But I was determined. I’m a goal setting kinda gal and once I have a thought in my head about something I want to do, I chase that fucker down like a pitbull. Yup.

Desire has to be bigger.

I had a miserable desperate and lonely existence in Sudbury. I hated my life and I wanted more. I wanted better. And I knew I deserved it. I had finally gotten to a point where my desire for a better life was stronger than my desire to live in misery.

Change had to happen and it DID in a huge way.

Did anything bad happen to me while I was going through all this? Probably a couple of little glitches but nothing I couldn’t handle. When you want change bad enough you face ALL your fears and do it!!

How big is your desire for a better life?

When you are goal setting, you need to ask yourself these questions.

  1. How bad do I want it?
  2. What am I prepared to do to make it happen?
  3. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
  4. Don’t I deserve to be happy?
  5. Where do I start?

If you feel like you need help goal setting and actually achieving your goals, fears and all, check out my resource page for tons of goodies!! Need more help flicking fear and achieving your dreams? Check out my new self help eBook From Hell to Happiness. Click here for more info and to download your copy now!

YES YOU CAN

Oh Hell Ya you can. You got it in you. Your new life, the one you deserve and long for is waiting for you. It’s resting over there, on the other side of fear. Go get it, tiger!!

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life…

Face your fear, you badass.

I love you.

I wonder what paragliding is like.

Peace and Love

Iva

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5 Reasons Why Our Hearts Eat Lies and How to Stop it.

They do. We don’t like to admit it but they do. We believe lies and a lot of them. I know it’s not just me. Our hearts eat lies and it’s kinda pathetic. Really it is. Let’s get to the real truth as to why this happens, or should I say 5 reasons!

So why do we torment ourselves like that? Why do we keep letting our hearts eat lies? Is there any satisfaction in it? Does it make us happy? Do we feel good doing it? I can’t answer that for you, but I know for myself there’s a temporary happiness attached to it. Yup, pathetic.

So I recently just had my heart eat lies again and in all honesty, I’m still reeling from the pain of that one. Oh it was a doozy this time. So why did I do that? Why do we keep doing that? Well I’m no psychologist but in my experience this is why I believe we let our hearts eat lies.

The real truth in 5 reasons

I’m lonely dammit.

Topping the list is, what I feel is the real truth, the #1 reason why eat lies. We’re lonely and there’s no shame in admitting it. I’ve been in Guatemala for 2 years now and the dating scene for women my age is almost non existent so when I do meet someone new that I’m attracted to it’s balls to the wall for me. It fills that lonely gap. Whether or not he’s good or bad for me doesn’t matter at the time. My heart will eat this lie for temporary happiness (one day I’ll be able to cure myself of this).

Trauma, triggers and torment.

We’re scarred by them still to this day but the crazy thing is we let ourselves get wrapped up in them even though we know we are way more deserving. But you see the thing is, we’re used to it. We know what to expect and how to handle it. Whether we like it or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re pros at dealing with them. Why change that?

Learning to deal with something other than what we’re used to is scary. We don’t like scary, we like comfort. Ammirite?

I’m not worthy.

Sound familiar? Self worth is frustrating. We hold our heads up high knowing that we are worthy. We are awesome. We are enough. Dammit we are….but then our heart gets fed a lie and we eat it up because, that gap, remember? That darn gap is bigger than our self worth at times. Yup, it’s frustrating for sure. The real truth is that we forget our worthiness for the sake of attention.

The struggle is real. I am worthy, I need affection. Good grief!

It’s not that bad.

Boom there it is. How many times have you said that? Oh I’ve been through worse, this one’s ok. He’ll/she’ll do. At least he/she isn’t as bad as my ex!

Oh I’ve said this more times than I wanna admit. That gap! I mean let’s face it, our ex’es were the spawns of Satan. This new person isn’t that bad. I can handle whatever shit they throw at me. I can handle their brokenness and their baggage. I need attention dammit.

Make me feel good please!

I just want to feel good and I want someone to do that for me. I mean, I can make myself feel good too. Honest I can (and I don’t mean just sexually here). I love who I am and I think I’m a pretty decent person. I have lots of friends who make me feel good and happy.

We know it’s not the same. That’s not what we’re after. The real truth is that we want affection and attention and someone to hold hands with and rub our backs and all that good stuff that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. At this stage of our loneliness, we’ll take whatever we can get.

Yup, pathetic lot we are.

So now that we know the reasons why we let our hearts eat lies, what do we do about it? Keep feasting? Well we could but why would we want to? Remember the burning question was “where’s the satisfaction in that”?. It’s all temporary happiness.

Are we not deserving of more? Are we not worth more than a bunch of lies? Isn’t it permanent happiness we are after?

Of course! But all that comes with a little bit of internal work. We have to believe we are worthy. We have to know we deserve more. We have to set boundary lines (ugh) and stick to them! We have to love ourselves so much that others know how to love us.

But that gap. Time to fill it up with self love. Love yourself so fucking much that that gap closes up tight and never reopens again.

Bartender, another drink por favor!

Hey Iva, I fucking love you!

Peace and Love

Iva

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5 Steps to Loving Yourself Again

You know, so many of us are compassionate towards others. We hear of some unspeakable pain or even just someone’s trials for the day and we instantly feel empathy and want to do what we can to alleviate their pain or suffering. We often get so lost in helping others that we forget our own needs, our own pain and our own self compassion.

I think that when we take time out for others, it not only helps us to forget our own problems but a small part of us may feel like it is healing us as well. Amirite? Could be. That’s just my assumption. If you are an empath (and though that’s not what this blog is about but I do want to touch on it a little), you know that you are drawn to people’s pain and trying to heal them. We are also drawn to a lot of negativity and toxic people and events. This is where self compassion is much needed.

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An ultimate self improvement guide

Self compassion-the way to love yourself again

There’s an old saying that goes like this “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. I’m sure you have heard it, but do you heed to the message? Do you get the message of this quote deep inside your soul?

You should. You better. If you don’t, then the more you forget to refill this cup, the emptier you will be and the less of a healer you can be. Do you get that? You must take care of yourself first before anyone else.

It’s not selfish, it’s mandatory. Don’t feel guilty for having to do this.

Let’s look at 5 ways you can love yourself again and feel more self compassion.

Guided Meditations or Hypnosis

I love love love guided meditations and every now and then I dive into a great hypnosis that totally reprograms my mind to remind myself that I do matter and that I am just as important, if not more, as anyone else.

My favourite go to place for guided meditations is Insight Timer. Sarah Blondin is my girl! Go have a peek around there and see what you can find and what resonates with you.

Get outside

To your favourite spot in the whole wide world (even if it’s just in your city/town). Bring a nice beverage, a good book, a small snack or whatever you want. Go sit in that space (might as well listen to some meditations while you’re there!) and be with you and you alone. Enjoy the surroundings, listen to the wonderful sounds of nature, take in the beautiful sights and just peace out. This is your time to love yourself up!

Journal

Not your typical journalling though, I’m talking about sitting in peace, maybe light a candle or put on some lovely zen music and write out all the things you love about yourself. How awesome are you? Pretty damn awesome I’m guessing. You forgot just how amazing you really are I bet. Write it all out. Each and every single thing you love about yourself. Guaranteed to put a big huge smile on your face.

Remember that thing you’ve always wanted to do?

Go do it. Today. Now, This week. Make a date with yourself, an appointment that you’ve been meaning to make for that spa treatment or horse back riding lesson or sky diving adventure (too much?). Stop putting it off because you’re too busy helping others. It’s time for you! You have to treat yourself every now and then. You are always treating other people, doing so much for everyone else, what about you? Self compassion time!! Do something really awesome for you!

Disconnect

Unplug from social media for a few hours if you have to, a full day if you can. Start saying no to someone who may need help. It’s ok to say no sometimes and not feel guilty about it. It’s not up to you to save the world. Let other people have a chance to say yes too! What’s gonna end up happening if you don’t start saying no to others and yes to yourself is you will become a doormat. An empty cup doormat. You’re NO doormat. Say no every now and then, yes to yourself and see how liberating that feels.

I hope this blog and these 5 tips will help you find your way back to self compassion and loving yourself again. Remember, you matter just as much, if not more, than anyone else. Treat yourself like you do.

Peace and Love

Iva

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