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This is raw, real and necessary. This is the kind of shit you need to do when it’s time to dump toxic energy that has been swimming around inside of you for far too long.

This is the letter anyone who has been hurt, needs to write to free themselves, not only from the anger and the pain, but from the toxic person who still lives in their head, rent free.

This is an open letter to all who have hurt me.

This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $500 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.

Yup, this is for all of you, any of you and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.

Dear You.

I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the shit that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.

I come from a place of peace, love and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go.  I don’t have room, time, desire or energy to think about the hurt.

You know what you did was shitty. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were laying in bed that night, that you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a douchebag for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.

Of course you did.

Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t really care. I really don’t give a fuck how you feel today. Know why?

Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t really have room in my head any more to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such an ass, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.

You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.

Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.

I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.

Well, time  has passed. Days, months,  years even and I found something. Actually I found quite a few things.

  • self worth
  •  self love
  • self respect
  • forgiveness
  • kindness
  • and peace.

The top 3 in that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.

For the longest time I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. Called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.

BUT it was destroying me. Eating me. Tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the shitty thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.

Life is short. Too short. And it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.

What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, every now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head any more. Got no time for that.

I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you. People change. I did.

I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you.

Peace and Love

Iva

Written by Iva Ursano

    45 Comments

  1. Alex July 3, 2016 at 4:45 am Reply

    self worth and self love – yes yes yes – these 2 will carry you a long way once you “get it”. These were what I lacked, had an awful self confidence issue eating me up from the inside. This was my doorway into the realm self discovery and awarenes so many other things got fixed from there on too. Thank goodness I finally listened to what my soul was whispering to me after years of struggle. love and bless Alex

    • Iva Ursano July 4, 2016 at 12:36 am Reply

      Hey Alex thanx for your great comment and for stopping by the blog. Self love is so hard to realize but once you get it, your whole world changes. xo Good for you for getting there!!

      • ellann mcmakin August 1, 2017 at 12:45 pm Reply

        I’M glad you are doing better. We all have been screwed a few times in our lives. Just know that we grow and learn! I’ve done it ALOT! I’m a better person since I grew and forgave! God bless you and keep you strong!

        • Iva Ursano August 1, 2017 at 9:05 pm Reply

          Hey Ellann thanx for your comment! You’re right, we all have been screwed. The trick is to not let it keep us down!
          God bless you too!!

          much love
          iva

    • Debbie Unsell Hamner February 10, 2017 at 3:52 am Reply

      Loved this letter. I would love to send it to my former boss who did me dirty. But I would have to leave out quite a few words.
      As there was no love affair of any kind. He just did me dirty. I was really hurt and and held a grudge for 18 yrs now. But I think I’m more hurt than angry.

      • Iva Ursano February 15, 2017 at 11:13 pm Reply

        Might be time to write your own truth letter Debbie and get rid of all that hurt. xoxo

        Iva

  2. Karen July 27, 2016 at 7:49 pm Reply

    Hey Iva. Honey that was very bold, risk-taking (in some cases, maybe not yours), and needed for you to write that. It freed your inner soul of exactly how you felt towards one or a few people. Without doing that, you never would have that TRUE feeling of release in your body. The negativity would haunt you the rest of your life consciously or uncounsciously. All we are asked to do is forgive one another, doesn’t mean we agree with what they done, but forgive them of their awful ways. You done that. By forgiving others, we are forgiving. You mentioned 6 things that you offered up. Three of those six stand out strong in my mind. They are “SELF RESPECT, SELF WORTH & SELF LOVE”.So many times speaking from experience, it doesn’t have to be offered up because it’s taken from you. Those three alone are enough to completely destroy just about any woman!! Don’t think for a minute that you can gain it back, no big deal. Honey it’s going on close to 35 years for me and I’m just starting to gain it back. It’s hell. My heart goes out to anyone going thru such as this. I feel for them deeply. It tears you apart physically, mentially, emotionally it’s just NO GOOD!! I pray that the day comes I can sit down to write such a letter like you have. I’ve come along way but still I’m a work in progress. Far cry from where I need to be but THANKFULLY I’m stronger than where I was. I really needed to read this today of all days. You just gave me the boost I needed. Much love for you always! ❤

    • Iva Ursano July 27, 2016 at 11:17 pm Reply

      Hi Karen thank you for your heartfelt comment. These letters are easy for me to write. I have no trouble getting everything out. 🙂 Stay true to you. Love you back!!

  3. Ramona. B. October 24, 2016 at 5:41 am Reply

    Powerful. Bet this was freeing for you. Your letter states exactly my sentiments for at least one person I can think of right off the bat. For others it would have to be for who they are as a person rather than one thing they ever did, ya know? Glad to read this. It wasn’t mean or spiteful; just matter of fact, straight, to the point without apology or care if it offended. The folks who get offended by this heartfelt letter are probably the ones it applies to. So be happy. Better days ahead.. Live and let live. Breathe and love. ? thanks for sharing.

    • Iva Ursano October 31, 2016 at 2:00 pm Reply

      Thank you for your comment Ramona and glad you enjoyed the article. xo Better days ahead indeed! Much love to you xo

  4. Persona October 24, 2016 at 9:48 am Reply

    so immature, what a waste of time reading this, pffff

    • Iva Ursano October 31, 2016 at 2:01 pm Reply

      Hey thanx for your comment Persona. God bless you xo

  5. Susan Wagner November 15, 2016 at 11:41 am Reply

    Very powerful letter. I have experienced some of the same things you have with a someone I spent 6 years with expecting to marry. Gave one excuse after another of why we needed to wait. Took a bit long to figure out he was stringing me along. I believed him…but I will have to say I learned alot and will never go down that road again. Never. Love myself too much to put up with the bullshit. I would rather be by myself and be happy then to be with someone who takes advantage of me.

    Susan

    • Iva Ursano November 15, 2016 at 9:42 pm Reply

      Hey Susan thanx for your comment. I hear ya on the no longer putting up with bullshit. Got no time for that xo
      Iva

    • Debra February 5, 2017 at 9:29 pm Reply

      I feel the same way as you do Susan !

  6. Katie December 12, 2016 at 11:13 pm Reply

    Wow! I totally want this self love, self respect, peace, love. All of it! You are an amazing writer and person! I am amazed!

    • Iva Ursano December 26, 2016 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Thank you Katie 🙂

  7. Katie December 12, 2016 at 11:16 pm Reply

    I am at a pivitol moment, alone, single, loving it! Keeping it real! Stay tru to your geniune self! For you know you, and what you know…is real!

    • Iva Ursano December 26, 2016 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Good girl!! 2017 is gonna rock. Hold on to your hat! 😉

      Iva

  8. Katie Kjonaas January 6, 2017 at 1:20 am Reply

    I absolutely love the way you write❤ amazing IVA❤

    • Iva Ursano January 9, 2017 at 1:14 pm Reply

      Thanx Katie. I appreciate that! <3

  9. Barbara Grillo January 10, 2017 at 8:17 pm Reply

    I related a lot to your letter. I was with a man for 3 years who robbed me of everything internal about me that he was able to rob me of … When I finally walked out on him for the last time a few months ago, it was the most freeing feeling I had in close to 3 years. This coming from the woman who thought that she couldn’t live or survive without this man. Just the mere thought of my life without him would I feel the onset of panic come over me. I would have rather existed, than have to start over with a new relationship some day.
    But I am happy to say, that only a few months have passed and I am so happy. I have come to realizations that this relationship was abusive the whole time. He just had me so blinded.
    I am starting over fresh, with my high school sweetheart. My youngest son’s dad. It’s truly a blessing that we found our way back to each other. And most importantly, I am o.k. without the ex . And he has to lie his head down every night on his pillow. He has to live with the truths of his behavior towards me. The woman he supposedly loved. So to all the ladies afraid to leave or struggling with the should I or shouldn’t I……… Listen to your gut.
    Goodnight and God Bless
    Barbara

    • Iva Ursano January 16, 2017 at 6:46 pm Reply

      Awe I love your story and your courage Barbara!! Awesomeness! And good for you for moving on and being happy 🙂 🙂

  10. Dev January 21, 2017 at 10:01 pm Reply

    Dear Iva,

    Felt really glad listening your heart n mind . But sometimes the story is different n people who effect n changes your life hv a long lasting effect on your life . I too hv a love story. That too twice. I hv my wife who I guess never loved me n life is like an unending journey. Thn happens she who turn my life upside down. We had a unforgettable life n just when I think life is awesome , a guy ( who is married and same story just like me ) came in her life n she went away. Now I don’t hv problem that she left me n started a new life , but I do hv problem when I imagine her with wrong person. That guy is not just for her. There is no happy ending to her . n that is the thing I don’t want. Suggest if you can , what I m supposed to do. I can’t forget her that is for sure .

    • Iva Ursano January 25, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply

      HI Dev I am certainly no therapist but all I can say is you gotta learn to let go of your attachment to her and her happiness and start living your life for you.

      Iva

  11. Kavita February 6, 2017 at 12:32 am Reply

    Lovely piece to regain peace. All the anger, hurt, humiliation, failure…. it’s all expressed here so beautifully. Kudos.

    • Iva Ursano February 6, 2017 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Thank you I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

      Iva

  12. Pam February 12, 2017 at 11:36 am Reply

    Hi Iva,

    Let me first extend gratitude for sharing your letter. Although your letter does not go into detail each situation you endured, it however gives me hope with what I am currently experiencing. As much as I try to sugarcoat my situation, I still see darkness. The depression is has brought me is ugly and at times intense. I firmly believe that it is by the grace of God that I make it through each day yet these feelings I have of hatred, bitterness, hurt , pain, the list goes on, rear their ugly faces. I know this is all apart of the process I must go through to become the person I am meant to be. It is going to take more time than I first realized especially because of my two children and soon to be ex husband are the ones that have caused such pain. For the last 30 years my whole life was lived for only them. It has been during this whole time that I’ve truly lost myself.

    Again thank you for your letter for it really has given me hope and a place to start my healing process.

    • Iva Ursano February 15, 2017 at 11:12 pm Reply

      Thank you for sharing your story Pam. Sounds like the rest of your life is and should be about you!!! Make it about you and find your joy. xoxo It’s not too late. 🙂

      Iva

  13. Colleen March 19, 2017 at 10:35 am Reply

    After reading this, I desperately need to write my own letter to an old boss from hell. It’s been over 4 years. I’m booting those worst 6 months of my life with her to the curb. Thanks for writing yours, because it will help me get started. Peace and love to all.

    • Iva Ursano March 22, 2017 at 5:53 pm Reply

      Awesome Colleen!!! 🙂 Do it.

  14. Patti July 28, 2017 at 3:12 pm Reply

    Iva:
    I just found out in February my husband of 25 years has been carrying on with his ex-fiance’ from thirty years ago for over a year now. She left him the week before the wedding LOL
    She then dated a married man with children and destroyed that family only to move to the next married man only to destroy that woman as well. She can not destroy me as I am a strong woman and will move forward in time.

    I moved out of the house he and I built together with our own hands in June 2017. Yesterday I was told that she was at my home with her moving truck from Pennsylvania. Wow, what a bullet to the head and heart.

    I stayed with him, because I believed in my vows and I loved him even when he was an alcoholic and finally went thru rehab. I helped run his construction business mentally and physically and did his bookkeeping for the last 25 years. His drug use days were brutal but is clean now due to my standing next to him and being there for everything. Last year he broke his neck, split his head wide open and shattered his wrist in a fall on the job. I used an entire month of my vacation time at work to care for him daily as he was in a neck brace for 3 months.
    I lived for our us!!! This is my thank you for being such a good wife. He stole 25 years of my life, my home, my time, my hard earned money and my soul. Starting your life over at 30 is one thing but starting over at 57 years old really sucks!! I worked soooo hard for everything.

    I love your letter but can’t see me being able to say I forgive him. Maybe a few years from now as this is all just happening now. I will print it out and perhaps one day will be able to live by it. Pity is more what I feel for two of the most selfish, heartless and disrespectful people I will ever meet in my life.. I pray that I can move forward quickly rather than later.
    Thank you for a great letter

    • Iva Ursano July 31, 2017 at 9:26 pm Reply

      Hey Patti I’d say you definitely got the shitty end of the stick BUT thank God you are free from all that drama. YOU certainly don’t need it. I’d also like to add you are still young enough to enjoy some happiness. Have faith. Forgiveness will come one day. That I am certain of. Try writing a truth letter. Free your soul from that toxicity. You deserve it.

      much love
      iva

  15. Christina August 1, 2017 at 9:59 am Reply

    I’m trying to reach this point in my life. I lived for over 20 years with a man who was emotionally and verbally abusive. He finally walked out on me on my birthday no less. While trying to get passed that and rediscover me I met and married another man who seems to have picked up where my first husband left off. Each day is a constant struggle for me. I try to do right by me only to be treated like me and what I need don t matter. I wish I had the strength to end it, but I’m a giving and caring person and my now husband is disabled and requires several more surgeries. I’m just not rhe kind of person who can kick him to the curb. I take each day as it comes and am waiting to let go.

    • Iva Ursano August 1, 2017 at 9:08 pm Reply

      HI Christina. Reading your comment made me cry. 🙁 You are a caring loving selfless soul. Know that you are a beautiful person. I hope you find happy things that Christina likes to do to make her smile and put a song in her heart 🙂

      much love
      iva

  16. Anna August 1, 2017 at 12:26 pm Reply

    Hi iva,

    Yeah I know the feeling, the betrayal from a friend the hurtful words he said,the silent treatment, and most of all the feeling that he doesnt care at all. He doesnt care if he hurts you.i pray everday that i may fund in my heary to forgive me all the things he dine.so thanknyou for these letter.god bless

    • Iva Ursano August 1, 2017 at 9:06 pm Reply

      Hi Anna thanx for your comment. Forgiveness is not easy and it’s not for the weak..but it’s so important for our healing.
      God bless you too!

      much love
      iva

  17. Colleen G August 1, 2017 at 3:31 pm Reply

    Thank you Iva,
    you’ve said all the things I felt after being in a Narcissistic relationship. I do not wish him Ill will. I wish he could love like a “normal ” person.
    He never will and that is what is really sad. That he will never know what it is like to love and be loved. I have found my joy again. But now my gaurd is up. I don’t trust like I used to. As an empath I have to follow my instincts when it comes to new people. Love and much peace to you.

    • Iva Ursano August 1, 2017 at 9:05 pm Reply

      Hey Colleen thanx for your comment and reading the blog. I never wish ill on anyone, not even ex’s and like you, I am sad that they will never know how to love. I just send them some of mine.

      much love
      iva

  18. Sam August 1, 2017 at 9:45 pm Reply

    Thank you Iva,

    People search for these letters when they are broken. I never thought I would coming to this place after a good seven years of love, trust and happiness. Its been a year after the breakup..am still yet to find ground..time to make up and Move on..Thanks again

    • Iva Ursano August 2, 2017 at 7:06 pm Reply

      Thanx Sam. Life sure throws us twists and turns. :/ I know you will find strength to move on and be happy again 🙂

      much love
      iva

  19. Ashwini August 2, 2017 at 1:14 am Reply

    Hi iva, your letter is a result of your experience​, nice letter, it is really a worthful one.

    • Iva Ursano August 2, 2017 at 7:06 pm Reply

      Hi Ashwini, it sure is and thank you 🙂

      much love
      iva

  20. Claire August 2, 2017 at 2:53 am Reply

    So true!!!! I’ve just come thru a long and painful divorce from a man who cheated, lied, belittled, ignored and hurt our children, still does to some degree! I carried so much pain for a long time, a lot of hate, kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong?! Then finally after I lost my mum last year, going thru the last few weeks with her, I realised how insignificant he was, how unworthy of any time in my mind. I can’t say I forgive him , I simply don’t care any more. I’m learning to love myself again , to realise I’m not the piece of rubbish he led me to believe ! I am a good person, I am stronger than I ever realised, I am trying to be both mum and dad to my sons, and we are doing ok!!!
    Holding on to anger, to pain and hurt doesn’t hurt them, only you !!! You really do have to let it go!!! I caught up with some old friends recently (ones he had made me sever contact with!) and I realised how far I’d come when they asked what had happened with my ex and I realised I couldn’t actually be arsed to explain lol!!!! His actions no longer consume me!!!!
    Absolute respect to you for writing this letter publicly, for showing letting go of all this toxic stuff and learning to grow from a crappy situation is so healthy!!!
    All the very best to you and your future!!! Xxx

    • Iva Ursano August 2, 2017 at 7:08 pm Reply

      Hi Claire thanx so much for sharing your experience and your growth with us. You are a strong woman! Yay you!!

      much love
      iva

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