This is raw, real and necessary. This is the kind of shit you need to do when it’s time to dump toxic energy that has been swimming around inside of you for far too long.

This is the letter anyone who has been hurt, needs to write to free themselves, not only from the anger and the pain, but from the toxic person who still lives in their head, rent free.

This is an open letter to all who have hurt me.

This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $500 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.

Yup, this is for all of you, any of you and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.

Dear You.

I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the shit that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.

I come from a place of peace, love and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go.  I don’t have room, time, desire or energy to think about the hurt.

You know what you did was shitty. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were laying in bed that night, that you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a douchebag for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.

Of course you did.

Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t really care. I really don’t give a fuck how you feel today. Know why?

Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t really have room in my head any more to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such an ass, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.

You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.

Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.

I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.

Well, time  has passed. Days, months,  years even and I found something. Actually I found quite a few things.

  • self worth
  •  self love
  • self respect
  • forgiveness
  • kindness
  • and peace.

The top 3 in that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.

For the longest time I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. Called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.

BUT it was destroying me. Eating me. Tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the shitty thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.

Life is short. Too short. And it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.

What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, every now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head any more. Got no time for that.

I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you. People change. I did.

I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you.

Peace and Love


Written by Iva Ursano


  1. Alex July 3, 2016 at 4:45 am Reply

    self worth and self love – yes yes yes – these 2 will carry you a long way once you “get it”. These were what I lacked, had an awful self confidence issue eating me up from the inside. This was my doorway into the realm self discovery and awarenes so many other things got fixed from there on too. Thank goodness I finally listened to what my soul was whispering to me after years of struggle. love and bless Alex

    • Iva Ursano July 4, 2016 at 12:36 am Reply

      Hey Alex thanx for your great comment and for stopping by the blog. Self love is so hard to realize but once you get it, your whole world changes. xo Good for you for getting there!!

    • Debbie Unsell Hamner February 10, 2017 at 3:52 am Reply

      Loved this letter. I would love to send it to my former boss who did me dirty. But I would have to leave out quite a few words.
      As there was no love affair of any kind. He just did me dirty. I was really hurt and and held a grudge for 18 yrs now. But I think I’m more hurt than angry.

      • Iva Ursano February 15, 2017 at 11:13 pm Reply

        Might be time to write your own truth letter Debbie and get rid of all that hurt. xoxo


  2. Karen July 27, 2016 at 7:49 pm Reply

    Hey Iva. Honey that was very bold, risk-taking (in some cases, maybe not yours), and needed for you to write that. It freed your inner soul of exactly how you felt towards one or a few people. Without doing that, you never would have that TRUE feeling of release in your body. The negativity would haunt you the rest of your life consciously or uncounsciously. All we are asked to do is forgive one another, doesn’t mean we agree with what they done, but forgive them of their awful ways. You done that. By forgiving others, we are forgiving. You mentioned 6 things that you offered up. Three of those six stand out strong in my mind. They are “SELF RESPECT, SELF WORTH & SELF LOVE”.So many times speaking from experience, it doesn’t have to be offered up because it’s taken from you. Those three alone are enough to completely destroy just about any woman!! Don’t think for a minute that you can gain it back, no big deal. Honey it’s going on close to 35 years for me and I’m just starting to gain it back. It’s hell. My heart goes out to anyone going thru such as this. I feel for them deeply. It tears you apart physically, mentially, emotionally it’s just NO GOOD!! I pray that the day comes I can sit down to write such a letter like you have. I’ve come along way but still I’m a work in progress. Far cry from where I need to be but THANKFULLY I’m stronger than where I was. I really needed to read this today of all days. You just gave me the boost I needed. Much love for you always! ❤

    • Iva Ursano July 27, 2016 at 11:17 pm Reply

      Hi Karen thank you for your heartfelt comment. These letters are easy for me to write. I have no trouble getting everything out. 🙂 Stay true to you. Love you back!!

  3. Ramona. B. October 24, 2016 at 5:41 am Reply

    Powerful. Bet this was freeing for you. Your letter states exactly my sentiments for at least one person I can think of right off the bat. For others it would have to be for who they are as a person rather than one thing they ever did, ya know? Glad to read this. It wasn’t mean or spiteful; just matter of fact, straight, to the point without apology or care if it offended. The folks who get offended by this heartfelt letter are probably the ones it applies to. So be happy. Better days ahead.. Live and let live. Breathe and love. ? thanks for sharing.

    • Iva Ursano October 31, 2016 at 2:00 pm Reply

      Thank you for your comment Ramona and glad you enjoyed the article. xo Better days ahead indeed! Much love to you xo

  4. Persona October 24, 2016 at 9:48 am Reply

    so immature, what a waste of time reading this, pffff

    • Iva Ursano October 31, 2016 at 2:01 pm Reply

      Hey thanx for your comment Persona. God bless you xo

  5. Susan Wagner November 15, 2016 at 11:41 am Reply

    Very powerful letter. I have experienced some of the same things you have with a someone I spent 6 years with expecting to marry. Gave one excuse after another of why we needed to wait. Took a bit long to figure out he was stringing me along. I believed him…but I will have to say I learned alot and will never go down that road again. Never. Love myself too much to put up with the bullshit. I would rather be by myself and be happy then to be with someone who takes advantage of me.


    • Iva Ursano November 15, 2016 at 9:42 pm Reply

      Hey Susan thanx for your comment. I hear ya on the no longer putting up with bullshit. Got no time for that xo

    • Debra February 5, 2017 at 9:29 pm Reply

      I feel the same way as you do Susan !

  6. Katie December 12, 2016 at 11:13 pm Reply

    Wow! I totally want this self love, self respect, peace, love. All of it! You are an amazing writer and person! I am amazed!

    • Iva Ursano December 26, 2016 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Thank you Katie 🙂

  7. Katie December 12, 2016 at 11:16 pm Reply

    I am at a pivitol moment, alone, single, loving it! Keeping it real! Stay tru to your geniune self! For you know you, and what you know…is real!

    • Iva Ursano December 26, 2016 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Good girl!! 2017 is gonna rock. Hold on to your hat! 😉


  8. Katie Kjonaas January 6, 2017 at 1:20 am Reply

    I absolutely love the way you write❤ amazing IVA❤

    • Iva Ursano January 9, 2017 at 1:14 pm Reply

      Thanx Katie. I appreciate that! <3

  9. Barbara Grillo January 10, 2017 at 8:17 pm Reply

    I related a lot to your letter. I was with a man for 3 years who robbed me of everything internal about me that he was able to rob me of … When I finally walked out on him for the last time a few months ago, it was the most freeing feeling I had in close to 3 years. This coming from the woman who thought that she couldn’t live or survive without this man. Just the mere thought of my life without him would I feel the onset of panic come over me. I would have rather existed, than have to start over with a new relationship some day.
    But I am happy to say, that only a few months have passed and I am so happy. I have come to realizations that this relationship was abusive the whole time. He just had me so blinded.
    I am starting over fresh, with my high school sweetheart. My youngest son’s dad. It’s truly a blessing that we found our way back to each other. And most importantly, I am o.k. without the ex . And he has to lie his head down every night on his pillow. He has to live with the truths of his behavior towards me. The woman he supposedly loved. So to all the ladies afraid to leave or struggling with the should I or shouldn’t I……… Listen to your gut.
    Goodnight and God Bless

    • Iva Ursano January 16, 2017 at 6:46 pm Reply

      Awe I love your story and your courage Barbara!! Awesomeness! And good for you for moving on and being happy 🙂 🙂

  10. Dev January 21, 2017 at 10:01 pm Reply

    Dear Iva,

    Felt really glad listening your heart n mind . But sometimes the story is different n people who effect n changes your life hv a long lasting effect on your life . I too hv a love story. That too twice. I hv my wife who I guess never loved me n life is like an unending journey. Thn happens she who turn my life upside down. We had a unforgettable life n just when I think life is awesome , a guy ( who is married and same story just like me ) came in her life n she went away. Now I don’t hv problem that she left me n started a new life , but I do hv problem when I imagine her with wrong person. That guy is not just for her. There is no happy ending to her . n that is the thing I don’t want. Suggest if you can , what I m supposed to do. I can’t forget her that is for sure .

    • Iva Ursano January 25, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply

      HI Dev I am certainly no therapist but all I can say is you gotta learn to let go of your attachment to her and her happiness and start living your life for you.


  11. Kavita February 6, 2017 at 12:32 am Reply

    Lovely piece to regain peace. All the anger, hurt, humiliation, failure…. it’s all expressed here so beautifully. Kudos.

    • Iva Ursano February 6, 2017 at 1:33 pm Reply

      Thank you I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂


  12. Pam February 12, 2017 at 11:36 am Reply

    Hi Iva,

    Let me first extend gratitude for sharing your letter. Although your letter does not go into detail each situation you endured, it however gives me hope with what I am currently experiencing. As much as I try to sugarcoat my situation, I still see darkness. The depression is has brought me is ugly and at times intense. I firmly believe that it is by the grace of God that I make it through each day yet these feelings I have of hatred, bitterness, hurt , pain, the list goes on, rear their ugly faces. I know this is all apart of the process I must go through to become the person I am meant to be. It is going to take more time than I first realized especially because of my two children and soon to be ex husband are the ones that have caused such pain. For the last 30 years my whole life was lived for only them. It has been during this whole time that I’ve truly lost myself.

    Again thank you for your letter for it really has given me hope and a place to start my healing process.

    • Iva Ursano February 15, 2017 at 11:12 pm Reply

      Thank you for sharing your story Pam. Sounds like the rest of your life is and should be about you!!! Make it about you and find your joy. xoxo It’s not too late. 🙂


  13. Colleen March 19, 2017 at 10:35 am Reply

    After reading this, I desperately need to write my own letter to an old boss from hell. It’s been over 4 years. I’m booting those worst 6 months of my life with her to the curb. Thanks for writing yours, because it will help me get started. Peace and love to all.

    • Iva Ursano March 22, 2017 at 5:53 pm Reply

      Awesome Colleen!!! 🙂 Do it.

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