This is raw, real and necessary. This is the kind of shit you need to do when it’s time to dump toxic energy that has been swimming around inside of you for far too long.
This is the letter anyone who has been hurt, needs to write to free themselves, not only from the anger and the pain, but from the toxic person who still lives in their head, rent free.
This is an open letter to all who have hurt me.
This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $500 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.
Yup, this is for all of you, any of you and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.
I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the shit that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.
I come from a place of peace, love and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go. I don’t have room, time, desire or energy to think about the hurt.
You know what you did was shitty. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were laying in bed that night, that you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a douchebag for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.
Of course you did.
Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t really care. I really don’t give a fuck how you feel today. Know why?
Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t really have room in my head any more to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such an ass, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.
You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.
Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.
I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.
Well, time has passed. Days, months, years even and I found something. Actually I found quite a few things.
- self worth
- self love
- self respect
- and peace.
The top 3 in that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.
For the longest time I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. Called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.
BUT it was destroying me. Eating me. Tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the shitty thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.
Life is short. Too short. And it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.
What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, every now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head any more. Got no time for that.
I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you. People change. I did.
I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you.
Peace and Love