You’ve been in this relationship for awhile. It all started out rosy and happy. Of course it did. Don’t they all? They seem to be the perfect partner. They check off everything on the list. You were certain that this was the person for you. Your happily ever after. But then things started changing. Slowly at first, then red flags started popping up everywhere. Thoughts that now plague you are about ending a relationship you once thought would a forever one.
It’s ok. We’ve all been there. Even people who have been married for many many years go through this too. Things just aren’t that great anymore. Those feelings of love and joy have now been replaced with displeasure and anger. Is that where you’re at now? There are many questions to ask yourself before you make that leap. That leap right out of the relationship you thought was going to last a lifetime.
Many of us, unfortunately, are also in abusive relationships. We know everything is wrong but we hang on OR worst yet, are scared to leave. I’ve been there and that’s a very frightening thing to have to go through. Abusive relationships, whether verbal, physical or emotional have extremely detrimental effects on us and make us feel trapped and hopeless.
Please know that if you are in an abusive relationship now, you can leave, you should leave and it is extremely important to find support to leave.
Ending a relationship is extremely unpleasant and hard af!!
Amirite? Especially if you’ve invested a lot of time, money and effort into it. It’s like having to start over and totally rebuild your entire life. Well, it is and you do. Too often we hang on to relationships in hopes that things will change, things will get better or worst yet, we tell ourselves that ‘things aren’t that bad’.
But they are and you’re not happy. Your happiness should always be number one and no it’s not a selfish thought process. If you’re not happy then what’s the point? That goes with everything in your life though. Your job, your relationships, everything. When you get to the point that something is making you unhappy it’s time to start asking yourself some serious questions, do a little soul searching and find out how to change it.
Ending a relationship could be the best move you’ve ever made in your life.
It’s really not that bad
How often do you find yourself saying that?
- Things could be worse
- He/she isn’t that bad
- I can put up with these few things, it’s ok
- My life with him/her isn’t that bad
Maybe things really aren’t that bad but the bigger question to ask yourself here is, are you happy? I mean truly happy? If you had to answer no, then it might be time to think about ending a relationship that had potential to last forever.
When you sit down to think about your life with him/her and how it is right now, at this very moment, how do you feel? Do your thoughts make you happy, sad, frustrated, angry or maybe even hopeless? Here are 5 questions you need to ask yourself before you make the final decision to leave.
5 Questions to Ask Yourself when ending a long term relationship
(we’ll just use ‘he/him’ for simplicity sake)
Can I see myself with him forever?
Where do you honestly see yourself in 5, 10 or even 30 years? Do you see yourself with him or do you think that maybe he isn’t going to be the one who supports you through everything (like you hoped) and quite possibly, maybe his vision for the future is different than yours. Maybe you want to travel in the future but he doesn’t. That could be a huge deal breaker. If traveling is your passion, do you want to be held back from that by someone who doesn’t want to or worse yet, want you to?
But it’s not just traveling, it’s anything really. Do you have other plans for your future that may not entirely resonate with him? You have to seriously think about this. This is your life, your dreams and your passions. Wouldn’t you want to be with someone who shares them with you or at the very least supports them? If ending a relationship means being able to follow your passion and purpose then you need to think about this deeply.
Could I be happier on my own?
That’s a great question to ask yourself. Could you be? Are you starting to appreciate your alone time more and more lately? Perhaps his presence is actually starting to make you feel uncomfortable or annoyed. I remember just before I ended my last relationship, I use to welcome the times he had to go out of town or even left the house alone for a couple of hours. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was finally able to breathe.
For me, that was a clear sign it was time to start thinking about ending a relationship I thought would last a lifetime. I was so much happier and at peace when he wasn’t around. Though for me there were many other red flags and warning signs but this one hit hard. I was completely happy when he wasn’t around and I was on my own.
Do I like him anymore?
Do you? I get that you probably love him (or maybe you don’t?) but do you even like him anymore? You know, people change. We all change. You’ve probably changed a lot in the last little while too. Maybe he doesn’t like you anymore either (and I’m not saying that to be mean).
Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we like them. I know that sounds wonky but it’s true. Though I really started despising my ex near the end, I did love him for the caring and supportive person he was. He wasn’t a total demon. I just didn’t like him anymore and couldn’t see myself with him for the rest of my life.
Shouldn’t your lifelong partner also be your friend? I mean, shouldn’t you at least like them and be proud of being with him?
Has our relationship changed too much?
Now I get that relationships change over time. Some grow and blossom and bring you closer as a couple. Others, unfortunately, grow apart and both of you have different ideas, plans, goals, purposes or whatever. Are you both going in different directions now on your life path?
One of the questions to ask yourself that stems from this is: Is it possible to move forward even though we’ve both changed so much? Think about that.
Will the conflict of interests be too great? Sometimes people do grow apart and that’s ok. Remember people come into our life for a reason and a season. There are great lessons to be learned here. Take the lessons.
Am I being respected, loved and cared for like I deserve?
This is a big one. Does he still respect and love you the way he did in the beginning stages of your relationship or are things starting to go downhill? Has the respect started to disappear? Is he treating you poorly or not appreciating who you are as a person anymore?
There are a million more questions to ask yourself that go along with this big one. Do you feel loved, respected and appreciated or are you starting to question your own self worth, self confidence and self esteem now?
Remember we all deserve to be loved and respected. Each and every one of us. But also remember that love and respect start from within. You must love and respect yourself first or others won’t know how to give that to you. We should people how to treat us. Don’t forget that.
So many more questions
There are so many more questions to ask yourself when you are thinking about ending a relationship but first and foremost, in my opinion, the biggest one is ‘Am I happy?’. Your answer will lie in that. Pay attention to your heart and your gut. If they are sad or feel empty OR are poking at you to make some changes, then it just may be time.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo