10 Things I Learned About Myself After I Walked Out.

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I didn’t really just walk out. He got a Dear John letter. Leaving was hard. I thought about it for months. A couple of years even. Right after I discovered the last lie it was a matter of time before I left. I had to get all my ducks in a row first. There were several things I had to make sure were in place before I even wrote my Dear John letter. First and foremost, was a stable income. I never once really thought about the life I would have after him. I didn’t know the magnitude of the self discovery process I would go through.

I just knew I had to leave. Eventually.

It was a rocky 8 years. There was good, lots of good, bad, lots of that too and ugly. Oh there was ugly. The lies, the bullying, the emotional manipulation. Yup there was ugly. So much ugly. I had to get away. I was losing myself in a vortex of hate and anger. When I finally left, I my self discovery journey was an eye opener.

My self discovery journey revealed these things

I’m pretty strong.

Like stronger than I ever imagined. I mean, I’ve always been a bit of a durable kinda gal but, wow, when poop hits the fan I sure can scramble to my feet in a flurry and maintain my composure. I had no clue. But wait, when strong is all there is left…well.

I’m really smart.

I am. For years I was programmed to believe there were many things I couldn’t do for whatever lame reason there was that week. I have discovered there are many things I really can do, all by myself. And I do have a brain. How awesome it was that my self discovery revealed that!

I’m really nice.

Like I’m a really nice person. I do have a great personality after all. For years I was this quiet meek and mild mannered girl trying not to speak out of turn. I actually have a sparkling personality that people like.

Facing fear is kinda fun.

I had a lot of fears and I still do but it’s actually kinda fun when you have to face serious stuff on your own, when no one has your back. When no one is gonna be pissed at you because you did something dumb (but had fun anyway)

I have great friends and family.

I put them aside for my relationship. I didn’t have to; it was just easier to go through life that way. When I picked up the phone to call for help, everyone came out of the woodwork. People really do like me and are willing to help.

I have purpose and passion.

Things that I didn’t even really know existed inside of me. They were buried so deep for so long, they were just gone. I realized there were a few things I really loved (besides eating cereal for dinner and staying up late) and I needed to pursue them.

TV is stupid.

Like I really hate television. I hate it so much that if I never watch another TV show again I will die a happy woman. Wait, except Vikings. And UFC. Ya, just those two. The rest of TV is dumb. Like the news? Forget it.

I have hope.

I found a new hope to do things that I’ve always wanted to do but never could because I was a zombie in this relationship. A zombie that had her life planned out and scheduled day in and day out.

Find self love.

That was a tough one but I had to find it. I had to break the pattern of always getting involved in relationships that were just clearly not good for me. I had to love myself and spend some time alone. Now that was scary, hard but fun.

Life is so much fun.

I really loved life. Loved it like I never have before. I used to dread waking up in the morning, I used to dread each day and never looked for anything good, but man, my self discovery showed me that life is awesome.

I write this blog from sunny Guatemala. Something I would have never been able to do had I stayed in that relationship. I am here, working as a freelance writer, and helping the poor people which is one of my purposes. Yes, life really is beautiful.

Bartender another glass of red please.

Wanna know the #1 thing you need to do to change your life? Drop your info below and I’ll share a big secret with you.

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Peace and Love

Iva

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14 Comments

    • Thank you for dropping by Zaria and thanx for your comment. I think there are still too many trapped in relationships, like I was, that they need to leave. 🙂

  • I was trapped for 35 years. Your old relationship and your self discovery are very similar to mine except I’m a man and men don’t come out of the woodwork to help, and it’s only been 9 months. I’m loving life and look forward to showing my children what a healthy relationship looks like.

    • Hi Lorenzo thanx for your input!! Self discovery is scary but awesome. Also I think it’s never ending. I’m glad you are in a happy place!! Good for you 🙂

  • Hi iva, I just read your blog. I just left an abusive relationship two weeks ago. You give me hope that I too will be able to get to that place in my life. Unfortunately he has free rent in my head constantly. I’m going for counseling. I’m looking for a book titled why does he do that inside the mind of angry and controlling men. I heard it helps with some of healing quicker. Sorry so long. Thank you for your letter it gives me hope. Yvonne

    • Always hope Yvonne. One day you will look back and smile to see how far you’ve come. It took me almost a year. You will get through this!! Stay strong and true to you!!

  • Achievement isn’t it???? I’ve been there and took me a lot of courage to do things straight. It’s hard but fulfilling and it’s very very very essential for ur to leave on that kind of toxic relationship. I left after 13yrs by the way ♥️

    • Yay you!!!!!! So many stay because it’s just easier. That hurts my heart because I know there is a happier life waiting for them xo

  • Thank you for this post. By having the strength to leave a 5 year relationship with a narcissist, I was able to find love…. Real love where the other person thinks of my feelings more than of himself. It is hard to leave a relationship, but so worth it when it has to happen for one’s own sanity.

    • SO hard, yes Cindy. And downright scary but wow, the freedom and peace you feel afterwards are mindblowing 🙂

  • It’s a beautiful article Iva. Thank you for these words of courage, strength and hope. I could connect instantly. There’s so much to life that we fail to realise and stay trapped around all the negativity. Break free and live a life you choose to have. Thank you once again.
    Love and regards.
    Namrata

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