7 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship!

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Well it’s been a few years since I left my common law husband. 5 I think, but in all honesty, I’ve really lost track of time. I know, it’s crazy and time really does fly when you’re having fun. A little over 7 years I was with this man. Some super good times, some really bad times, all in all, I survived, and I’m done, and I’ve never been happier.

Time spent with him wasn’t wasted. I learned quite a few things about myself. Now I’m not one to dole out relationship advice but I gotta admit, I know a thing or two that could help someone.

I’m still baffled by how much I learned about myself after I left him. There were many things during the relationship that I knew were wrong, felt so wrong and made me feel SO horrible but it wasn’t until after I left that I realized something.

(Questioning my self worth was huge for me). I really don’t like those things and I really don’t want to put up with those things again, ever.  And I won’t.

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7 things you should never tolerate in a relationship

Relationship problems


We had a million of them. It’s not like I didn’t see all the relationship problems we had. I was well aware of each and every one of them. I held on to the hope that things would just get better. I was hoping he would change. I was hoping he would love me the way I wanted him to.

I was hoping for a lot of things.


Healthy relationships take work


A lot of work. I envy those who are in great and loving relationships. But I know they didn’t get there by magic. Healthy relationships do require some effort on both parties to keep the love alive. It’s not to say they will never suffer relationship problems, they just know how to deal with them effectively.

Now I’m not going to claim to be a relationship expert or the female version of Jay Shetty but I’ve learned a few things in my 50 some years. Here’s my relationship advice to you. Take what you want, leave the rest.


7 things you should never tolerate in a relationship

Here’s my relationship advice to you




Lie to me once and you’re gone. See ya, buh bye, adios, get away from me. Period. And I’m not talking about those silly little white lies that apparently everyone is guilty of saying. No not those ones. I mean like you say one thing but the truth is totally different!

You’re done. I absolutely positively will not put up with that again. It’s a nightmare that I don’t feel the need to relive.

My relationship advice to you? First sign of lying, leave.




If you even dare try it, you’ll be sorry. And if you are a bully and always have been, smarten up. Bullies are jerks and cowards. Grow up and stop being mean. Who do you think you are that you can bully people and push people around. Like #1, get away from me.


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Control freak.


I seriously have enough OCD and control issues embedded right in my very own being I do not have time nor patience for you to try to control me. Forget it. It ain’t gonna happen. This girl can not and will never be controlled again. I have some serious life to live and no one and nothing is going to stand in my way, especially not you.

If I have to give relationship advice on this one I’d say to please be aware that controlling people are suffocating and you will never feel free. You should always feel free in a relationship




Yes we all like to drink every now and then. Even some of us like to smoke some weed every now and then. Did you catch those key words, every now and then? Key words. Every now and then. If you feel the need to have to smoke weed all the time or drink each and every day or weekend, absolutely positively have to, I ain’t your girl and I will not put up with that ever again. Ever.


Get out of my space.


My space. Not yours, get your own. This is mine for me to go out with my friends, be by myself, hang out with my family, go on a solo road trip, my space. Don’t text me every 2 minutes. You are now in my space and threw away all respect. Don’t do that. If you don’t trust me enough for me to be alone, then you ain’t for me. See ya.


relationships, self confidence, self esteem, self love, abusive,

Don’t discourage me.


If I have an idea or dream or goal or vision, don’t tell me it’s stupid or dumb or it will never work or get a real job instead because I am looking through rose coloured glasses. Don’t ever say anything like that to me. If I have a dream or a vision I would like some support and encouragement, not to be put down and made to feel I am dumb or not good enough.

Remember #1 and #2? Ya, get away from me.




HELL-o!! If I ask you to please not do something or please do something for me out of respect and you do the opposite, guess what. That’s called disrespect and you will never get close to me again. I will toss your sorry butt to the curb instantly.

Every single person on the face of the earth deserves respect and if you can’t respect me, you’re done. We’re done. The end.

It took a long time for me to figure out who I was, what self love was, and what I needed and didn’t need in order to be happy. I know what I want and what I don’t want and I will never ever ever ever, wait one more, ever, settle for less ever again.

Neither should you.


Relationship counselling and the best relationship advice I can give you…


Before I sign off I do want to say one thing, I’m not totally against relationship counselling and I think that if you believe your relationship is worth saving, then definitely look into it. Just keep in mind that both parties have to be willing to do, and have, these things first:

  • a desire to save the relationship
  • openness to change
  • willing to do the work required
  • not be afraid of stepping out of relationship comfort zones

It’s no secret that relationships take a poop ton of work. It’s also no secret that some relationships are just clearly unhealthy with no chance of survival. Know when it’s time to walk away. Know and recognize when love and respect are no longer being served at the table.

Know your worth. Never settle.

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Peace and Love


7 things you should never tolerate in a relationship




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  • Been there done that for 29yrs. Not there no more. Won’t settle . Working on myself everyday. This article is so spot out for me Iva. I needed this article today. Appreciate you and all you are doing to help broken women put their lives back together. Love ya.

    • Awesome Linda. Thanx for your comment and glad you enjoyed the blog. 2017 is gonna be a mind blowing year for all of us. Just watch ;)


  • Wow… after 38 years I sure wish I was as far along to recovering as you are…

    • Hi Carol, we all heal and recover at different rates. Have faith. You’ll get there :)

      Thanx for your reading the blog and your comment.

      much love
      xo iva xo

      • Thanks Iva … I look forward to getting there. I’m sure happy I found your blog! Thank you for sharing and showing that we do survive. My world imploded on December 4th 2016 after 38 years with this man that has deceived me beyond anything I could have ever imagined … I have good days and I still have bad days. I’m hoping that once our divorce is finalized and our home has sold I will be able to recover faster.

        • Ah then you are SO due for complete and utter happiness Carol. You will recover as fast as you allow recovery to happen. Do happy things for Carol now. Find out who she is. I bet she’s effin awesome!!! xoxo

  • Love this! Just left finally after almost 19 years. It’s hard, but your words seem to come along at just the right moments. I save them, they give me strength & remind me I’m going to be just fine. I just need to heal. So thank you from my heart ❤️

    • Awe thank you so much Susan. You ARE going to be just fine!!

      much love
      xo iva xo

  • It is like I wrote this post! Seriously! I just hate people with any of these “qualities”.

    • Me too!!! Yuck….thanx for popping by Niki!! xoxoxo

  • I LOVE this post! I am right there with you. I went through a marriage and then another relationship where all of this stuff was prevalent so I decided enough was enough. I’ve been single for over 2 years and they’ve been some of the most fulfilling of my life. I am keeping this list for when I start dating again though. :)

    • Thank you so much Amiekay. I’ve been through enough crap to last me 10 lifetimes…from now it’s all about me. xoxo

  • Aw, man! I need to adopt this list. It’s EXCELLENT!!

    • Thanx Jennifer. Print it off and stick it on your fridge…lol…


  • I love your style girl! You tell ’em! I don’t put up with bullshit either. I am fortunate to have found a real man who doesn’t do those things and I wouldn’t settle for less. Keep this attitude up! Love it!

    • Does he have a single brother my age Kasia?..;) thank you and I’m glad you liked the blog :)


  • Yes! You nailed it. Never should be tolerate any of these actions. I especially hate lying and disrespect. Thank you for putting it so eloquently on paper!

    • Thank you! Lying is one of my biggest pet peeves….ugh!!!…xoxox

  • This is so inspiring ! Everyone should learn to love themselves first, and for that of course there have to be some limits on the amount of crap one can take. I love you bold you are.

    • Thank you so much Basundhara! I’m glad you liked this blog. And yes we do need to love ourselves more


  • Here I am, a woman ‘of a certain age’ who for all intents and purposes had the ‘perfect’ life. Those 7 items on your list would be the first clue that all is not as it appears. If I may add one thing it would be this ; don’t lie to yourself most of all. How can we make our lives better, if we won’t admit there is a problem? Thank you for being your badass self. I look forward to learning more from your college of camaraderie!

    • Ha I love that, college of camaraderie! And good point. Often our hearts eat lies <3

  • The way you said it all reminds me of the girl I was before. Thank you for reminding me how it should be. Especially right now that I have a little boy who’s whole world is me. I can’t be a good role model to him if I, myself is stuck in a relationship that sucks the life out of me. I need to love myself in order for me to give the love he deserves. I need to acknowledge all these “wrongs” so that I can teach what is right and mold him to be a better individual that he should be.

    Thanks Iva! You’re a blessing!

    • Yes yes and yes. Love yourself first!!! xoxo I’m glad this post helped you xox

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