How to Write a Forgiveness Letter in 5 Loving Steps

Last Updated on 1 year by Iva Ursano

Forgiveness can be a tricky concept for many people. We often struggle to let go of the hurt caused by others. But here’s the thing: forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about us. It’s a way to take care of ourselves and find freedom from resentment. Holding onto negative emotions like anger and resentment only weighs us down and prevents us from finding inner peace and true happiness. It’s like carrying around a heavy burden that never seems to lighten up.

Who wants to live like that? Don’t we all deserve to be happy? Hanging onto pain and grudges won’t lead us there, that’s for sure. So, let’s talk about writing forgiveness letters. It’s one way to release that emotional baggage. I’ll share some tips on how to write a powerful forgiveness letter, and to give you an idea, I’ll even share a personal one of my own.

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How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

Dear Me, Damn You!!

Forgiveness For Closure And Moving On

I often emphasize the incredible power of forgiveness. Trust me, it can be the most transformative therapy you’ll ever experience.

I personally had countless individuals in my life whom I needed to forgive. But here’s the thing I realized: if I wanted to move forward and create a happier life, it was absolutely essential for me to forgive those who had hurt me. It was crucial to let go of the pain, the past, and the resentment.

I cannot stress this enough: reaching a place of inner peace and self-love requires forgiveness. It’s the key that sets us free. You must truly desire this freedom more than clinging to the pain. Take a moment to let that sink in.

If after you have tried forgiving the people who hurt you, you are still desperately struggling with hurt, pain, and anger and you feel your mental health is slipping, please reach out to a professional. The people at online-therapy.com are absolutely amazing and definitely worth checking out.

Forgiveness Is Self-Healing

Too often we beat ourselves up over things that happened in the past. We will often say to ourselves “Oh if only I had just done this differently” or “If only I wasn’t so stupid none of this would have happened”. Stop right there.

We do the best we can with what we know and how we feel. We do the best we can depending on the situation we are in. You are not to blame for anything that happened.

Consequently, you need to stop beating yourself up, take a moment to forgive yourself and let it go. What’s done is done and there’s nothing you can do differently now except learn and grow from what happened.

Forgiving others doesn’t mean we condone their behaviour. When we forgive the people who hurt us, we are releasing them from our minds and our hearts and moving on without the built-up and stored anger, hatred, hurt, excruciating pain, and grudge. They don’t even have to know you forgave them! You don’t do it for them, you do it for you.

An example of my forgiveness letter

This isn’t to anyone in particular. It’s just going out to all of them. The ex, family, my old friend who I thought was my friend, the guy who stole $1000 from me, former bosses, landlords, etc.

Yup, this is for all of you, any of you, and none of you. If you recognize yourself in here, well, ya.

My forgiveness letter to all who hurt me

Dear You,

I know we never talk about the pain and that’s ok. We don’t need to. There is no point in rehashing all the crap that happened or what you did. How I felt then is very different from how I feel now.

I come from a place of peace, love, and forgiveness now. Every now and then I do still think about what you did but I simply let it go.  I don’t have room, time, desire, or energy to think about the hurt.

You know what you did was horrible. I know it was too. There is no way in hell that when you were lying in bed that night, you didn’t feel the teeniest bit like a jerk for what you did. Maybe you even felt like that the next night too.

Of course, you did.

Maybe to this day you still feel kinda bad for what you did. Maybe you don’t. I don’t care. I don’t give a crap how you feel today. Know why?

Because I’m too busy feeling good and being happy and doing good and being a good person. I don’t have room in my head anymore to wonder why and how you could be so mean, such a jerk, a thief, a liar, etc. You need to live with that, I don’t.

You did what you did because of where you were in your life at the moment. Maybe you were sad or angry or full of hate or resentment or whatever! I have no clue. Maybe you really don’t like me. Maybe you never did.

Maybe you being mean to me was your way of showing me you don’t like me and I just didn’t catch on. Maybe I didn’t catch on because I desperately wanted you to like me, love me, be my friend, be nice to me. You continued your mean behaviour to me because I let you.

I wanted you to like me so bad that I offered up my self worth in replace of your approval.

Well, time has passed. Days, months,  years even and I found something. Actually, I found quite a few things.

• self-worth
• self-love
• self-respect
• forgiveness
• kindness
• and peace.

The top 3 on that list will never be compromised again. Ever. The last 3 took time to find.

For the longest time, I hated you. Wished horrible things on you. I called you very bad names. I spewed out your name. After a while, a long while of doing that, I realized it wasn’t hurting you. It wasn’t hurting you at all. You didn’t feel a thing.

But it was destroying me; eating me; tormenting me. Every time I heard your name or thought of the terrible thing you did my blood would boil and I would get angry, so angry, sometimes even scream and cry.

Life is short… and it’s going by so fast. I only have room in my life now for joy, love, happiness, and peace. I forgive you for me, not for you. I send you love for you, not for me.

My Forgiveness Letter Is For Me, Not Anyone Else

What’s done is done. What’s happened is behind us now. Yes, now and then I do still think about what happened but it comes and goes in two seconds. I don’t let it stay in my head anymore. Got no time for that.

I do sincerely hope you find happiness, peace, joy, and love. I send you forgiveness and love. You, my friend, need it the most. No one who comes from a good loving place treats people the way you do. I feel sad for you but there is hope for you.

People change. I did.

I forgive you, I love you, goodbye.

I believe everyone who has been hurt by a boyfriend, husband, wife, or even a family or friend needs to write a forgiveness letter. Writing a letter of forgiveness to someone who hurt you is the best therapy you get. You are basically healing yourself. Your soul, freeing your heart.

It’s beautiful.

How do you write a forgiveness letter?

Here are 5 simple and loving steps to writing a good and effective forgiveness letter:

Sit in a quiet space

Find a serene and peaceful environment where you can sit comfortably. Ensure that there are minimal distractions and make it a point to disconnect from your phone or any other devices. It’s a time to embrace and acknowledge all of your feelings, giving each one the attention and recognition it deserves.

Light a candle or burn essential oils

Enhance the ambiance of your quiet space by incorporating additional sensory elements. Consider lighting a calming scented candle or using essential oils to create a soothing atmosphere. This simple gesture adds an extra touch of love and care to honor your emotions and nurture your well-being.

Play soft soothing music if it helps you calm down

Consider incorporating soft and soothing music into your self-care ritual, if it helps you find a sense of calm and relaxation. Gentle, tranquil tunes can create a melodic backdrop to aid in calming your mind and easing any tension. However, it’s also perfectly alright if you prefer complete silence during this time. The goal is to create an environment that resonates with you and helps you find a comfortable state of peace. So, whether you choose to enjoy the serene melodies of zen music or prefer the tranquility of absolute quiet, trust your instincts and create the ambiance that best supports your personal well-being.

Do not disturb sign on door if need be

If you anticipate the possibility of interruptions or distractions while engaging in your self-care practice, it can be helpful to hang a “do not disturb” sign on your door. This simple act serves as a visual reminder for others to respect your need for uninterrupted time and space. When you are fully immersed in your self-care routine, having this physical barrier can provide a sense of security and allow you to fully focus on nurturing yourself.

Start writing

Now, it’s time to unleash your thoughts and emotions onto paper. Start by addressing your letter with a simple salutation like “Dear [Name].” From there, let your words flow freely without holding back. This is your opportunity to express yourself honestly and authentically, leaving no stones unturned. Don’t be afraid to delve into the depths of your emotions, addressing any lingering feelings of hurt, anger, or resentment. This is your chance to release those pent-up emotions and provide yourself with a cathartic outlet. Remember that you’re writing for yourself, so there’s no need to filter your words or worry about judgment. Let your pen guide you as you pour out your heart onto the pages.

It’s that simple!

Write your heart out. Write until you can’t write anymore. Write and cry your eyes out at the same time if you have to. Write a forgiveness letter to everyone and anyone who hurt you and still rents space in your head and heart. If you need to write a forgiveness letter to a boyfriend expressing hurt feelings, then do it.

If you need to write this letter to a family member, boss, best friend, or whoever, just do it.Write as often as you have to, as often as the urge hits you. Just write it all out. A word of caution though. Never send it to the person it is directed to. This is your forgiveness letter for you, not for them.

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Peace and Love

Iva