Oh the dreaded forgiveness blog, right? Always so much resistance comes up when we talk about forgiveness. AND, I love to talk about forgiveness. I do. I believe with 100% of everything I am that you cannot move forward in life with peace, freedom and happiness unless you forgive all the people who hurt you.
I get that the abuse and the hurt they inflicted on you was probably incomprehensible. Forgive anyway. Forgiving others is key to your overall well being.
(this article does contain affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)
Before we move on I want to share this link for those of you who may need more professional help than what I can offer here. Online-therapy.com is an amazing site. Please check it out if you feel you need deeper help.
Forgiving others sets me free
So I used to hold grudges. Many. I didn’t believe in forgiveness. Forgive who?? Nope nope nope!!
But something dawned on me. I spent my entire life walking around with all these little chips on my shoulder that, quite honestly, were starting to kinda hurt even more than the original wounds.
It was time to do something about it. I knew exactly what I had to do and it was time. Forgiving others. It was time.
Why Iva, why do we need to forgive all the people who hurt us? Why? I had to do a little soul searching to answer that question. I dug deep.
This is what I came up with. But first…
I found this awesome video on YouTube that I think you should watch about forgiving others. I think you might like it. I’ve shared this video on another blog about forgiveness and moving on so in case you didn’t see it there, here it is again!
I really like Marie Forleo. Though she is a businesswoman who helps entrepreneurs succeed, she also touches upon real-life problems we have that affect us personally, which in turn, affects our business/professional life as well.
So without further ado, here are are a few things that forgiving others will do for you. I’ve listed it all in 5 things you will feel when you forgive someone who hurt you but I want you to realize how important it all is for your mental health.
After you read some of the things you will gain from forgiving the people who really hurt you, you will clearly see why it’s really a no brainer to hurry up and get it done!!
It’s for your own good. Honest!
Forgiving others will bring you these 5 things
First and foremost, I realized that forgiving others offered freedom. Freedom from the pain, freedom from the anguish, freedom from all the little chips on my shoulder. Freedom from the chains that kept me bound to the abuser.
This comes almost immediately. But the peace I am talking about is the peace in my mind and heart. That peace is almost priceless and also almost impossible to obtain without forgiveness.
This was achieved almost immediately. Yup. As soon as I said “I forgive you” (not literally to their face but in my heart) I felt this wave of joy! It was ridiculous and awesome and had me in tears. That’s how powerful that was.
I realized that they treated me the only way they knew how AND also the way I let them. I became aware that some of my abusers didn’t know any different (like my parents for example). I also became aware that I let the abuse go on because I did nothing to stop it. I allowed them to treat me the way they did.
Life goes on.
It does. No matter how much abuse I endured in my whole life, life goes on. It was up to me to decide how I wanted my life to go on. Holding grudges til they buried me or with peace in my heart. How did I want to live out the rest of my life? With all these tiny little chips in my shoulder constantly stabbing at me?
Things that are hard to forgive
Forgiveness is one of those things that anyone AND everyone can do. Even the really horrible things that are hard to forgive
This is where it gets complicated and a tad tricky, right? Everyone has a *story* and often we want to do the *my story is worse than yours*. Many of us have been beaten, raped, molested by family members, cheated on, etc.
I mean I can go on and on here right but why?
Someone in our life, at one point or another, has done something so ridiculously horrible to us and has left a wound the size of the world. End of story. So how on earth do we forgive these monsters?
How do you forgive and forget?
First of all, let’s get something straight right now. There is no forget. Ever. Though we can and will forgive, forgetting is almost impossible.
I can show you how to forgive and it will take a really long time and lots of practice but I will never tell you that one day you will forget because that would be a lie.
How do you forgive and let go?
Letting go is so so so important. I can’t stress that enough. First, you forgive, then you let go. I’m not going to tell you that there won’t be triggers because there certainly will be. When a trigger shows up, send it love and forgiveness, and let it go.
A trigger is a deep part of you that hasn’t healed yet. Don’t beat yourself up over it. They will be few and far between all in good time.
So the one thing I do that really helps me forgive and move on is to write out my pain in the form of a truth letter, forgive the person who hurt me and then burn the letter.
Writing an “I forgive you” letter is by far the most therapeutic thing I have ever done in my life. Here’s an example of one.
Now this one is a lot ‘cleaner’ for the internet and this site but when I write letters here at home, they are on a notepad written in pen and mostly just scribbled out yelling.
Sit down with your journal, notepad, laptop, or whatever and write out all the things that this person did to hurt you, leave nothing out, and then close it off with I forgive you, goodbye.
And for the love of everything holy, don’t mail it. Burn it, shred it, destroy it somehow but do not mail this forgiveness letter. It’s for you, not them.
Forgiving others is something you do for you, not them. Don’t ever forget that!!
Benefits of forgiving others
This is what forgiving others has done for me.
- I walk with a skip in my step, almost like I’m walkin’ on sunshine.
- I’m happy
- I no longer carry grudges
- my heart is full of love,
- I feel tremendous inner peace.
There is no heaviness in my soul. I’m light and free as a feather.
Forgiveness has done this to me, and so much more. I forgive easily now too. If someone does something really mean to me, I feel it, cry about it (yes I still do that), analyze the whole situation, and then forgive them.
Life is short. My goal in life is just to be happy. That’s all. The rest falls into place nicely after that.
Forgive. Today. One jerk at a time.
If you struggle with forgiveness and letting go of the past you might like this mini eBook from the You Are Amazing self-help eBook series-How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You. Click the link or image below to grab your copy today.
xo iva xo