intuitive angel card reader | self help author
what causes relationship paranoia and how to fix it

The Surprising Cause of Relationship Paranoia (and How to Fix It!)

Sharing is caring!

3 Ways to Stop Relationship Paranoia (and the surprising cause of it)

Who else here is suffering, or has suffered, with relationship paranoia, raise your hands and shyly whisper “me?” Don’t feel bad. You are so not alone and you’ve come to the right place if you want to stop being paranoid in your relationship.

Let’s face it, it’s no damn fun. You live in an almost constant state of anxiety and worry. You question absolutely everything and you trust nothing. Oy. What a way to live.

It’s exhausting. It’s crippling and it’s downright pathetic.

But there’s hope!

(this post contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)

So what causes relationship paranoia?

You’ll be happy to know that insecurity in a relationship, or relationship paranoia, is a completely validated issue. Let’s take a look at one of your last relationships, where your partner cheated on you. The end.

Or wait. Let’s also look at another relationship where your partner was never completely truthful with you.

Or how about that time you were in a relationship with that other person who hardly showed you any affection, attention or love.

Need I go on?

We have all been in relationships where our trust was shattered and we questioned every.damn.move after that.

Why do we suffer relationship paranoia? Because we’re constantly in and out of toxic relationships with people who are completely untrustworthy. And why is that?

Because we lack

  • self love,
  • we have low self esteem,
  • our self confidence is in the toilet and
  • don’t get me started on our low self worth!!

Are you following me here?

The main cause of relationship paranoia is the fact that we don’t love ourselves enough and keep attracting the wrong type of people! The people we attract are all the same. Untrustworthy and toxic.

why do we have relationship paranoia

Learning to love ourselves is tough af

So now we know that the main reason we suffer with relationship paranoia is because we simply don’t love ourselves enough, we know that it’s time to start working on ourselves. See above image for tips.

Let’s fast forward one year…

We’ve done all the work, we love ourselves to the moon and back and finally have attracted a partner who is worthy of our time and love.


That relationship anxiety kicks in again and we’re back to square one. Oy. Make it stop!!

Many of us have deep rooted trauma that prevents us from loving ourselves or requires another level of healing, often professional help. Please check out for more information and to find a therapist near you.

You may also like these articles:

How to stop being paranoid in a relationship

We got the amazing guy/girl, they adore us to the moon and back and our life has never been so awesome…but. Part of us still freaks out when they do something that instantly triggers us.

And relationship paranoia kicks in…again. Those damn triggers!!

So how do we stop being paranoid in a relationship?

Buckle up. It’s not hard to stop but it won’t be easy and it will require a lot of work from you.

You might really love this YouTube video from MedCircle featuring Dr. Ramani Durvasula where she discusses paranoid personality disorder.

I love this woman!

First step is to recognize the trigger

They did something that just set off a million bombs. Funny thing about that is they have no idea. You are freaking out all over them and they have no clue why.

“What on earth did I do”? they’ll ask.

They didn’t do anything really but whatever it was, was a trigger for you. You need to recognize this and instead of losing your s**t over them, take a deep breath, apologize and sit down and discuss it with your partner.

Communication is key here. If you don’t talk to them about it how will they know? Lack of communication here will eventually drive your amazing partner away.

We don’t want that.

And honestly, they don’t deserve that anyway, do they?

Second step is take time to write a letter

You already know where that trigger came from, or should I say who it came from. Your last partner who did something really horrible to hurt you. Clearly, memories of them still creep up and they’re no fun.

It might be time to sit down and write a truth letter to them. Don’t know what that is?

A truth letter is a letter you write to someone who really hurt you. You write out all the pain, anger, frustration and everything else that is still buried. You write until your fingers bleed.

And then you burn it ( no you can’t mail it!).

Remember this relationship paranoia you feel has nothing to do with your new partner and everything to do with the last ones. Even though we aren’t with them anymore and we have forgiven them for whatever they did, their memory lives in.

It’s hard to forget them and you probably never will.

Third and final step- forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for feeling this way. It’s normal and natural after all the hell you’ve been through all your life with toxic partners. You aren’t perfect and you are still growing and learning.

You can’t beat yourself up over the fact that relationship anxiety still creeps up.

Have a little talk with yourself. Remind yourself that your new partner is amazing and would never harm you or treat you like your previous partners. You have to forgive yourself for even thinking like this.

If your new partner is truly amazing (which you know they are ) they will reassure you that they will never harm you. It’s ok to let go and trust.

I know how hard this is to do but remember all that work you put into yourself, loving yourself, building your self confidence, self love, self respect and self worth? And because of this you finally attracted the partner you deserve? Remember that?

Ya. This new guy/gal means what they say.

How to stop being paranoid in a relationship will take time

There’s a quote that goes something like this:

“The hardest relationship is the healthy one after the toxic one”

Honestly, there’s so much truth to that! Especially if this is your very first healthy relationship you’ve ever had. It’s all new to us.

This is the love we’ve always wanted, we worked hard on ourselves to get it but now that we have it we don’t know what to do with it.

You have to learn to relax, trust and enjoy the journey. Break down what’s left of that wall around your heart and embrace this love with this new person.

There will come a time when you are going to have to stop being paranoid in your relationships. This can’t go on forever. The time is now.

My self help guide From Hell to Happiness is jam packed full of tools, tips and tricks to help you love yourself more and live the life you fully and completely deserve. Download your copy now! Click the link  or the image below.

From Hell to Happiness

self help guide

Stop relationship paranoia from ruining this one!

One thing you might want to try doing is listen to some guided meditations to help you deal with the relationship anxiety you still might be feeling. There are literally thousands on YouTube. A quick search will bring up some good ones.

Another good trick to try is talking yourself down from the ledge. I still do this from time to time with other issues in my life. Remind yourself that your new partner is amazing.

Tell yourself that life is fantastic with this partner.

Keep telling yourself that it’s ok, it’s just a trigger, you’re still healing and this too shall pass.

But remember to keep the lines of communication open with your new partner, always.

You’re gonna be ok!

Did you love this post? Does what I share with you move you in any way shape or form? Do you love the blogs I share with you? If anything I have ever shared with you has inspired, motivated, empowered or enlightened you please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee!!

A simple, small and lovely way to say “Thank you Iva”!! Click the button below. Thank you love you!! xoxo

I love you

peace and love

xo iva xo

Sharing is caring!

2 Responses

  1. I fucking love you, you helped me a lot, thank you so muck

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Iva Ursano is a retired hairstylist turned badass freelancer, who left behind 52 years of her life in Northern Ontario, Canada for a life of freedom, love and beauty in sunny Guatemala. She has two main purposes in life: feed hungry bellies and help inspire people to live a life of joy and love.