Who else here is suffering, or has suffered, with relationship paranoia, raise your hands and shyly whisper “me?” Don’t feel bad. You are so not alone and you’ve come to the right place if you want to stop being paranoid in your relationship.
Let’s face it, it’s no damn fun. You live in an almost constant state of anxiety and worry. You question absolutely everything and you trust nothing. Oy. What a way to live.
It’s exhausting. It’s crippling and it’s downright pathetic.
But there’s hope!
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So what causes relationship paranoia?
You’ll be happy to know that insecurity in a relationship, or relationship paranoia, is a completely validated issue. Let’s take a look at one of your last relationships, where your partner cheated on you. The end.
Or wait. Let’s also look at another relationship where your partner was never completely truthful with you.
Or how about that time you were in a relationship with that other person who hardly showed you any affection, attention or love.
Need I go on?
We have all been in relationships where our trust was shattered and we questioned every.damn.move after that.
Why do we suffer relationship paranoia? Because we’re constantly in and out of toxic relationships with people who are completely untrustworthy. And why is that?
Because we lack
- self love,
- we have low self esteem,
- our self confidence is in the toilet and
- don’t get me started on our low self worth!!
Are you following me here?
The main cause of relationship paranoia is the fact that we don’t love ourselves enough and keep attracting the wrong type of people! The people we attract are all the same. Untrustworthy and toxic.
If you are currently trapped in a relationship with a narcissist or are trying to leave your narcissistic partner this is a super amazing program from Kim Saeed to help you break free from your toxic partner. Click on the link below to get help leaving your abusive relationship.
Learning to love ourselves is tough af
So now we know that the main reason we suffer with relationship paranoia is because we simply don’t love ourselves enough, we know that it’s time to start working on ourselves. See above image for tips.
Let’s fast forward one year…
We’ve done all the work, we love ourselves to the moon and back and finally have attracted a partner who is worthy of our time and love.
That relationship anxiety kicks in again and we’re back to square one. Oy. Make it stop!!
Many of us have deep rooted trauma that prevents us from loving ourselves or requires another level of healing, often professional help. Please check out online-therapy.com for more information and to find a therapist near you.
You may also like these articles:
- 5 Signs of Low Self Esteem and How to Overcome It
- 25 Powerful Self Worth Quotes to Help You Love Yourself More
- 5 Beautiful Ways To Put Yourself First
- 6 Self Help Books That Will Totally Change Your Life
How to stop being paranoid in a relationship
We got the amazing guy/girl, they adore us to the moon and back and our life has never been so awesome…but. Part of us still freaks out when they do something that instantly triggers us.
And relationship paranoia kicks in…again. Those damn triggers!!
So how do we stop being paranoid in a relationship?
Buckle up. It’s not hard to stop but it won’t be easy and it will require a lot of work from you. I recently uploaded this video to my YouTube channel Women Blazing Trails on how to leave an abusive relationship and how to love yourself more. I think you might like it.
5 Steps to Managing Relationship Paranoia
Here are 5 ways to identify relationship paranoia, or what’s causing it, and how to control/manage it so it doesn’t consume you and ruin your relationship.
1 Recognize the trigger
They did something that just set off a million bombs. Funny thing about that is they have no idea. You are freaking out all over them and they have no clue why.
“What on earth did I do”? they’ll ask.
They didn’t do anything really but whatever it was, was a trigger for you. You need to recognize this and instead of losing your s**t over them, take a deep breath, apologize and sit down and discuss it with your partner.
Communication is key here. If you don’t talk to them about it how will they know? Lack of communication here will eventually drive your amazing partner away.
We don’t want that.
And honestly, they don’t deserve that anyway, do they?
2 Talk to your partner
If you found a patient and amazing partner, kudos to you babe!! It’s important that your partner know and understand that you have suffered trauma from previous partners (ie:cheating, lying, emotional manipulation, etc) and it’s hard for you to trust BUT you’re working on it.
Discuss your issues openly with them. It’s needless to say that you do have some internal work to do, don’t we all, but if your partner can help you with that, all the better!!
3 Write it out
You already know where that trigger came from, or should I say who it came from. Your last partner who did something really horrible to hurt you. Clearly, memories of them still creep up and they’re no fun.
It might be time to sit down and write a truth letter to them. Don’t know what that is?
A truth letter or a forgiveness letter is a letter you write to someone who really hurt you. You write out all the pain, anger, frustration and everything else that is still buried. You write until your fingers bleed.
And then you burn it ( no you can’t mail it!).
You can learn more about writing forgiveness letters with this recent article
Remember this relationship paranoia you feel has nothing to do with your new partner and everything to do with the last ones. Even though we aren’t with them anymore and we have forgiven them for whatever they did, their memory lives in.
It’s hard to forget them and you probably never will.
4 Forgive yourself
Forgive yourself for feeling this way. It’s normal and natural after all the hell you’ve been through all your life with toxic partners. You aren’t perfect and you are still growing and learning.
You can’t beat yourself up over the fact that relationship anxiety still creeps up.
Have a little talk with yourself. Remind yourself that your new partner is amazing and would never harm you or treat you like your previous partners. You have to forgive yourself for even thinking like this.
If your new partner is truly amazing (which you know they are ) they will reassure you that they will never harm you. It’s ok to let go and trust.
I know how hard this is to do but remember all that work you put into yourself, loving yourself, building your self confidence, self love, self respect and self worth? And because of this you finally attracted the partner you deserve? Remember that?
Ya. This new guy/gal means what they say.
5 Being co-dependent
This is a tough one. You have a co-dependent personality and require your partner to fulfill and complete you in every way shape or form. You also are so attached to them it’s almost suffocating.
So when they do something that hints at them wanting some freedom or personal space, you kinda freak out a bit and your imagination runs wild.
I used to be co-dependent so I know exactly how that feels and it’s exhausting. Being emotionally attached and dependent on someone else is something that you need to address asap. This will torment you til the day you die if you don’t get a good grip on it and eliminate it!
You might really like my mini self help eBook How to Cut Cords of Attachment. It’s super powerful and it has all the tools and tricks I used to break free from relationship co-dependency.
How to stop being paranoid in a relationship will take time
There’s a quote that goes something like this:
“The hardest relationship is the healthy one after the toxic one”
Honestly, there’s so much truth to that! Especially if this is your very first healthy relationship you’ve ever had. It’s all new to us.
This is the love we’ve always wanted, we worked hard on ourselves to get it but now that we have it we don’t know what to do with it.
You have to learn to relax, trust and enjoy the journey. Break down what’s left of that wall around your heart and embrace this love with this new person.
There will come a time when you are going to have to stop being paranoid in your relationships. This can’t go on forever. The time is now.
But remember you have to do the work involved! You can’t heal from all your past wounds just by wishing them away. You have to be an active participant in your healing journey or nothing will work.
Please take a few minutes to check out my mini ebooks self help series You Are Amazing. There is a book for just about every issue you are going through. Click here to see the books or the image below and grab the one that resonates with you!
Stop relationship paranoia from ruining this one!
One thing you might want to try doing is listen to some guided meditations to help you deal with the relationship anxiety you still might be feeling. There are literally thousands on YouTube. A quick search will bring up some good ones.
Another good trick to try is talking yourself down from the ledge. I still do this from time to time with other issues in my life. Remind yourself that your new partner is amazing.
Tell yourself that life is fantastic with this partner.
Keep telling yourself that it’s ok, it’s just a trigger, you’re still healing and this too shall pass.
But remember to keep the lines of communication open with your new partner, always.
You’re gonna be ok!
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