You guys just broke up. Your heart is broken. You can’t imagine life without him. He’s been the love of your life for x amount of years. How on earth are you supposed to go on without him? You’re pretty sure you can’t. You now start thinking about what you could have possibly done wrong and think of ways to correct that.
You are now on a mission to get your ex back.
(we’re just gonna use him and he in this blog for simplicity sake but you can replace that with her/she)
Whoa back Susan. Not so fast. I totally get that whole heartbroken ‘but I want you back’ thing. I’ve been there so many times I can’t even count on both hands and feet anymore. And, it’s not pretty. I know that you love your man/woman.
I feel your pain in this breakup.
Honest I do and the last thing you want to hear from me right now is “it’ll get better, time heals all wounds”. Ya, I know you don’t want to hear that.
All you’re thinking right now is I want my ex back! I get it. I’ve been there. But you have to stop and think, why do you want to get your ex back in the first place? I know, you love them. Is that reason enough? I don’t think so.
Here are 4 reasons I’ve come up with to answer this burning question.
I’ve also added 4 reasons why you should just move on and let go.
I should throw in a disclaimer here though; you may not necessarily like the reasons or my advice on this. Sorry not sorry. Take what you want, leave the rest but remember one thing: I love you and want you to be happy.
4 reasons why you might want to get your ex back
I miss you
Well of course you do. What’s not to miss? It’s hard to move on with life after you’ve spent so much time with someone. Your heart hurts. It aches so bad. Of course you miss all the fun things you guys did together.
You miss his touch, his voice, his smell, holding hands.
The list is endless of all the things you miss. Having dinner together, road trips, even making love. Every single little and big thing. Your heart longs to have it all back again.
Yup I totally get it. BUT…let’s remember why the relationship ended in the first place. I want you to stop for a few minutes and look at all the things that weren’t working and that you DON’T miss. Annoying habits, being yelled at, lack of affection, maybe even some verbal and emotional abuse.
How about the fact that there are way too many things you two don’t agree on or values that you don’t share.
Remember to take stock of the things that simply weren’t working and how unhappy you were.
I don’t want you to be with another girl
Ugh. That’s the kicker right there. Seeing or knowing your ex has moved on or is already dating other girls. Tear.my.heart.out.why.don’t.you. This may fall under the category of selfish reasons to get your ex back but we’re not judging here.
We all feel like that.
I remember when only after two months my ex had already found a girl (or should I say he went back to a girl he used to date) I was flippin’ furious and hurt and screamed and cried for hours and days and weeks.
How dare you? Didn’t I mean anything to you?
Apparently not. There’s a good clue right there you should not want to get your ex back. He’s already replaced you or thinking about replacing you so soon after you guys broke up. Let him be. Let him move on. He’s not deserving of you or your love.
You’re afraid to be alone
Let’s face it, being alone sucks. I mean, for so long, you did just about everything with your partner and now suddenly, you’re flying solo. You don’t want to think of moving on without him.
It scares you and makes you really really sad. The feeling of loneliness can also make us feel like we are unwanted or that no one will love us.
Not only that, it puts us back in the vulnerable position of getting ourselves out there again to date. Yuck.
Don’t look at this alone time as a lonely period. Rather, take this time to look deep into yourself and find out where you can start rebuilding and gaining your self confidence, self love, self esteem and all those other selfs you may have lost while you were with him.
I think at some point, we all lose a little bit of ourselves in a relationship. We shouldn’t but we do.
Find who you are, what makes you tick, what things you love and don’t love. Fall in love with yourself and your life again. Never mind trying to figure out how to get your ex back, start looking at ways to get YOU back.
The unknown is scary
When I left my last 8 yr abusive relationship, I walked out with nothing but my pride, a few belongings and my canary. I had no clue what life was going to throw at me. I had hit rock bottom and the only thing left for me to do was claw my way back out.
Alone. It was scary. Terrifying to be honest. I had nothing.
I get that being on your own can be scary. What will the future hold? How can I move past this heartbreak and move on without him, the man who was the love of my life for so many years?
Yes, it’s scary but trust yourself and embrace this new lease on life you have been given. It may not seem like a gift to you now, but trust me, it will reveal itself soon as just that, a gift for you.
Fear wants to keep us trapped where we are and stuck on thoughts of lack, loneliness, sadness and comfort. You can’t stay in that place forever. You have to pull up your big girl panties and shout off the rooftops “I GOT THIS!!”
I promise you, you’ll be ok.
You’ll see, maybe not now, but soon
Relationships don’t work out for a million reasons. You may not understand right now why this one didn’t work but you’ll see eventually. Trust. You may think you want to get your ex back but once again, trust me, you don’t. There’s a reason why they are an ex.
Remember all the good times and hold them close to your heart but don’t forget all the bad times too. Remember why you left or why the relationship ended. Most of your answers will lie in that.
If you are having a really hard time getting past the hurt and anger from this breakup, try writing a truth letter. Write out all the pain, the sorrow, the hurt, all the bad. Get it all out. Write until your hand cramps. When you’re done, read it over and burn it. Doing this will take a huge weight off your shoulders and chest. Trust me on this one.
If you still need help getting past all this please do take a minute to check out my self help guide.
A small teeny tiny price to pay to help you start living the life you deserve!!
Peace and Love
ox iva xo
For weekly inspiration register below.