10 Ways to Deal With A Dysfunctional Family at Christmas
Itās getting close to that time of year again. Where we have to all gather around the table for the big family Christmas dinner and celebrate. Yippee! Unfortunately, we arenāt all too excited about this upcoming event. Many of us have to deal with a dysfunctional family at Christmas.
Are you one of them? I am. Donāt feel bad or embarrassed.
Dealing with a dysfunctional family at Christmas
I honestly believe, in this day and age, there are way more dysfunctional families than there are ānormal and healthyā ones. Amirite?
Iām no stranger to this. How many of us have declared āOh I can write a book on what itās like being in a dysfunctional family?ā Yup. Iāve said it too. And I still may do just that.
So the day of the Christmas feast is fast approaching. Youāre starting to feel a wee bit of anxiety. Like that pit or knot in your stomach is getting tighter and tighter.
You are totally dreading this day. I feel ya. You wish you could just graciously decline the invitation but you already know that will stir up more trouble so you suck it up and go.
I have good news for you though!! Yay! There are ways to deal with a dysfunctional family at Christmas.
Let me share you with some tips so that this Christmas dinner will have you smiling and enjoying yourself, for real, not pretend.
Now though we discuss Christmas dinner here, you know this goes for ALL the special dinners. Thanksgiving dinner, Easter dinner, Christmas dinner and any other special day you guys celebrate.
(this post may contain affiliate links so if you make a purchase I may make a small commission-affiliate disclosure here)
Ā
Ā
Not wanting to spend Christmas with family
Who else feels like this? But as I mentioned above, itās not just Christmas. More and more, people are avoiding family during the holidays for whatever reason but the main reason is that their family is effed up.
For real.
There were always fights at our table. Someone was always yelling about something and usually someone was storming out of the house slamming the door behind them.
Good times.
It got to the point where you literally just braced yourself before walking in the door and trying to mentally prepare yourself for whatever shitstorm was about to take place.
If thatās you, then this blog is for you. Letās get to itā¦
How to deal with your dysfunctional family at Christmas
So Iāve come up with 10 ways to deal with your dysfunctional family at Christmas and nowhere does it say ājust burn the house downā. Capiche?
Ā
1 Prepare yourself mentally
You already know how itās going to turn out. You already know your least favourite cousin is going to be there. You already know that 4 of the 25 people who are going to be there grind on your last nerve.
Start preparing yourself at least one week ahead of time. Self talk and positive affirmations will go a long way here.
Try ones like: This is temporary. Itās only once a year. I can get through this. Iām stronger and better than them (yes you can say this and not in an egotistical way).
Remind yourself itās only a couple of hours one day out of 365. Youāll live.
2 Protect yourself
This is my favourite and honestly works like a charm. Donāt think Iām crazy. I promise Iām not and this method works. Just before you have to go to dinner take about 5-15 minutes and sit quietly somewhere alone.
Lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to. Ask the Angels, especially Archangel Michael to wrap you in a protective shield that will keep all negative energy and harm away from you and surround you only with love and protection.
Donāt believe in Angels? You should. You have two around you all the time whether you like it or not.
Just before you walk in the door to Aunt Bettyās house, reinforce this invisible shield and keep imagining it around you every time someone starts to get on your nerves.
3 Smile and ignore
Ya, you can most certainly do that. If there are 25 people at dinner and only 4 get on your last nerve, go hang out with the other 21. No one said you even have to talk to engage with the ones you honestly canāt stand.
Nope. You donāt have to. Thing is, they probably already know you donāt like them anyway so your avoidance of them wonāt be a surprise. Just ignore them and their ignorant remarks.
Smile and ignore. Thatāll probably irritate them even more but you know the best part of that? Itās their problem, not yours.
4 Keep yourself busy doing other things
Go in the kidās room and watch movies. Go watch TV with the seniors. Go sit with your favourite Uncle and chat up a storm. Do whatever it takes to not have to interact with the odd 4 people in your dysfunctional family.
If you keep busy doing things that bring you joy, in no time youāll even forget that Aunt Betty is at it again driving everyone nuts.
Youāll be too busy actually enjoying your time doing things that make you happy.
5 Decline the invite
Now I get this is a hard one to do but you can do it. We used to have huge family dinners at my uncleās house until one year my dad laid down the law and said we werenāt going anymore.
It was a big blow to the whole family but we stopped going and had a nice family dinner at home with a couple of other random family members.
After dinner, those who wanted to, would then go to my uncleās for coffee and dessert. Sure there were a few hurt feelings in the beginning but as time went on, people totally understood dadās reasoning (actually thatās a lie-we had no clue).
You do have a choice to say no and host a nice dinner at your house with the people from your extended dysfunctional family that you actually love and want to be with.
Ā
6 Donāt take things personally
Honestly, I know. Easier said than done. Trust me I so get that.
But try to keep something in mind. If someone has a problem with you and wants to verbally attack you (like they do every holiday dinner) itās got nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
People often act up out of fear, their own insecurities, jealousy and a bunch of other toxic and negative reasons. And none of it is your fault. Remember where itās coming from.
7 Stand your ground
Has Uncle Henry been getting on everyoneās nerves for far too long now? Did it finally reach a breaking point?
Itās perfectly ok to stand up to Uncle Henry once and for all and tell him no more. Tell him the family is tired of his bulls**t and itās time to stop.
Heās either gonna say āwell f*ck you then*, he may get up and leave (ooph thatās happened a few times in our house) or if heās a happy drunk he may laugh and say āoh Iām so sorry (we can dream canāt we?).
Whatever the case may be, stand up to him. Damn heās been ruining dinners for years. Enough is enough!
8 Invite a friend to tag along
You already know thereās gonna be enough food to feed the neighbourhood so grab a friend and drag her/him along.
Family members tend to be on their best behaviour when there is a new body at the table. People will smile more and yell less. And this way, you arenāt stuck listening to Aunt Betty go on and on about whatever drama is going on in her life.
9 Change the subject quickly
Politics?? Oh thatās a big fat HELL no!!!
If someone is talking about taboo topics (politics, religion, etc) put a stop to that nonsense right away if you know a fight will ensue.
Thereās no need to ruin a good dinner with topics that escalate into arguments.
10 Take a step back
If an argument is about to start or someone just opened Pandoraās box, instead of getting involved, leave the table or the room immediately.
Super easy to do. Stand up, say āexcuse meā and walk away.
Then go find the kids and go play with them or watch TV or if dinner is done and dessert has been eaten already then just leave. Youāre a grown up. You can leave when you want.
Just not before you had dessert.
Control yourself while dealing with your dysfunctional family at Christmas
You know it really is a sad thing that so many families are torn apart for so many reasons. Itās also so sad that many holidays are ruined because of this.
The most important message I can share here with you, the biggest takeaway for you, is to always try to find joy no matter what.
Youāre definitely not gonna be able to fix everything and you canāt change people so donāt even try. The only thing you have control over is yourself and your emotions, how you deal and handle these types of uncomfortable dealings with the dysfunctional family.
Your reaction to any and all of it will either make or break the situation. If you try some of my tips I shared with you, though I canāt promise your Christmas dinner will go off without a hitch but I can almost guarantee that it will be much more pleasing and enjoyable for you and everyone else.
Avoiding family during holidays
So while there are indeed a few who are avoiding family during holidays, not all of us can do that. But you can certainly try and make it the best, for you and your loved ones.
You canāt argue that Christmas dinner will be a million times better without all the fighting and yelling, amirite? Did you use to partake in all that too? Donāt this year. Be the bigger person and donāt engage.
Not only will you be happier but so will your blood pressure and stress level.
Wouldnāt you rather leave dinner content knowing that it all was so lovely and you have love in your heart instead of racing home in a fit of anger because Aunt Betty did it again!? Remember, you control your emotions, you get to choose.
If you have to deal with a dysfunctional family at Christmas dinner, choose peace over hate, love over anger.
Someone wanna pass down that bottle of wine please?
xo iva xo
Have you checked out my new self help online store yet? Oooooh jam packed with so many goodies. Something for everyone in there! Click the link here to see what I have āin storeā for you now.Ā
I decline the invite and spend Christmas alone. It doesnāt bother me one bit. This year I plan on cooking a nice meal for myself. Having a peaceful day is more important than spending it with dysfunctional family.
I agree and good on you!! Happy holidays :)
Unfortunately, I donāt have a choice but to go. Iām usually the one that ends up slamming out of the house because my sister canāt keep her mouth shut of her sarcastic, hurtful, smart-mouth remarks. So itās either I leave or knock her lights out. But this year should be oh so eventful! Iām so overjoyed, I canāt wait. *SIGH* My Mother usually invites my ex-husband, which is fine by me since I know he wonāt plan anything at his house for them, but this year heās bringing his girlfriend also! Yes⦠Iāve agreed to it only because I donāt want her to spend Christmas alone, however, sheās already made it clear by talking about me behind my back and posting āpot stirringā posts on her Facebook page that I know are aimed at me. She acts like sheāll be putting me out or āstepping on my toesā or āruining my holidayā. Not even in the slightest. If itās the only way I can get my ex husband to spend time with his kids, then so be it. It is what it is. She has to have a special āmenuā do to an eating disorder and I advised my Mother that we do need to make her feel welcome by making sure we alter the menu to accommodate that fact.
But yet, my ex husbandās family thinks Iām an a$$hole and treats me like I should have a house dropped on me. Iām not the one that ruined our marriage, he did by cheating, but I somehow got blamed. Interesting.
Iām sorry you have to go through that and that you have to go. I donāt understand that but itās none of my business.