Let’s talk about love. I love love and everything about love. Just the thought of it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. But, love isn’t always roses. Sometimes love comes with a bunch of red flags but we choose to ignore them. Or is that just me…?
Sometimes, love kinda makes our hearts sad. We give all we have to one person only for it to go unnoticed, unappreciated or worse yet, unreturned (ya, that’s a word). We see signs we ignore. All. The. Time. And you know, these signs aren’t subtle or sneaky. Oh hell no, they are in your face, smack you upside the head kinda signs.
But…..we still ignore them. Why oh why do we continue to do this? I can answer this one honestly for myself. Because I love love and I love to be loved and I will ignore anything that even remotely hints at anything bad because I just wanna see good, and love.
And oh, the red flags I have ignored. Honestly, I can be such a dumbass sometimes. Anyway, moving right along….
Are you guilty of ignoring red flags too? (be honest) Have you ever ignored any of these red flags? I have. When will I learn, really?
So we’ve just started dating Joe/Sally and these things slowly start rearing their ugly heads…..stay with me here.
Red Flag #1
He/she drinks more than you are comfortable with. Ok, so let’s just come out and say it. They are alcoholics. There, I said it. Now this may seem like an obvious one, and who in their right mind would date an alcoholic if they are really against that kinda shit (guiltily raising my hand over here)? Mm hmm. I did it. I still shake my head at this. BUT in my defence (or here she goes) he really is such a nice guy and so much fun when he’s not drinking (facepalm).
If this is a red flag that you are ignoring, please stop doing that. I know you probably think they are gonna change or quit drinking for you. It won’t happen, ever. They will quit drinking for them, not for you. You can’t fix their brokenness so please don’t try.
Red Flag #2
The first lie. Pay very very close attention to this next line. Read it a million times if you have to.
If they lie once they will continue to lie.
Read it again. One more time. At the first lie, run away, far far away as fast as you can.
Red Flag #3
The control freak. You have noticed on a couple of occasions that this is a thing. Oh, I know I get it, they have all these amazing qualities but they like to control you a little bit. Just a wee bit right? Maybe they sincerely want you to do something else because it may be in your best interest (or maybe they want you to do something else because it’s in their best interest).
No one ever has the right to control you and don’t give anyone that much power over you, ever. Never ever. When you pass over control of your life to someone it is really hard to get it back. Trust me on this one. Lay down the boundary lines immediately and let this person know you are in control of your life but thank you for the “suggestions” (hehehe).
Red Flag #4
Very few friends (like almost non existent) and no good family relations. Now you’re probably wondering why this would be a red flag. Well, think about it for a minute. No one likes them. Why not? What’s the problem? They diss their family at every chance they get. They have no outside circle of friends to hang with. Why? Loner? Introvert? Asshole?
I’d question this, push a little more for info on this one but I’d be leery. Very leery. Now sure, that could just be me being paranoid but I dunno about that. That’s a red flag for me.
Red Flag #5
Watch the personality traits. If any of these traits pop up, I’m backing away..
- judgmental (this is a big “runawaynow” trait)
- self centered
See the pattern there. All negative traits and very ugly traits. This girl is getting the fuck out. I have no time in my life for ignorant people. And remember we talked about fixing people’s brokenness? Ya, you can’t do that here either. You can certainly show them how to not be any of those ugly traits but it’s up to them to change them. Not you.
If you try to inject them with love, kindness and optimism and they cower away, that’s your sign to walk away. The student isn’t ready for the teacher.
Are there more?
Oh sure there are. There are probably a million trillion red flags out there we shouldn’t ignore but these are my top 5. I get that being lonely sucks, trust me, I get it. But for the love of God and everything Holy, please don’t sacrifice your morals and standards for love (ya, don’t be like me). I’m not perfect, I’m still learning but I’ve also learned to draw my boundary line a little thicker these days.
“Oh sorry I think I left something cooking on the stove. Gotta run, bye!!!”
Peace and Love