This is a new word for me. Narcissism. To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t even really know what one was. I had to Google the definition.
It sounded terrible!!
From some of the blog headlines I saw, I knew that a narcissistic person was evil. Then I Googled to see what some narcissistic traits were. Oy.
I have people in my life with narcissistic traits? Who knew!?
If we’re gonna be honest here, I didn’t even know if I had people in my life who had narcissistic traits. Who are they anyway? Turns out I had one or two, or 10. Who knew?
Well, apparently not me.
Until I finally found out what it meant. Then it got real. It was time for me to figure out how that happened, and to make sure it never happened again. You know, the whole *allowing narcissists into my life, staying in my life and controlling my life* thing.
Ya, I needed to do some self discovery (again or still, geezus). I needed to go back a few years in my life and see if there was a pattern.
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Living with someone with narcissistic personality disorder
Anyone else here have experience living with a narcissist? Such fun, amirite? Geesh. It’s a no win situation. No matter what you do or say, you’re always wrong, bad, stupid and unworthy, of anything, ever.
It’s also not that easy to leave someone with narcissistic personality disorder and don’t we wish more people would understand this? These abusers have sucked all the life out of us and have mastered manipulating us into believing everything is our fault.
You almost have to experience it to understand it. People say ‘just leave’!! We wish we could.
Honest we do!
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Narcissistic victim syndrome
That’s us. The victims. The ones who put up with all that bull for how many years? Oh so many. Funny thing is I didn’t even know there was a name for it. I just thought they were all jerks.
But they’re more than that. Who knew? Not me.
I often thought I must be overreacting. There must be something wrong with me. Am I too sensitive? There’s nothing wrong with their behaviour. Maybe it’s just a result of childhood trauma.
I mean we’re all a little broken anyway right? That’s their way of expressing their brokenness. I express my brokenness through temper tantrums (don’t judge) and crying.
So, anyway, call me naive if you want, I don’t really care but when I realized what narcissist meant (man that’s a hard word to spell) I had several a-ha moments.
There are many narcissistic traits to look out for!
I’m only going to discuss 5 here but if you Google narcissistic traits you’ll find many more. In my opinion, these are the ones to be careful of and stay away from if you can.
I get that some of the people in our lives who suffer with narcissistic personality disorder aren’t so easy to get away from. Parents, co-workers, other family members.
We’re actually kinda stuck with them, if you will, but you can limit the time you spend around them OR you can be bold and stand up to them!
Sadly, too many of us lose ourselves in relationships with narcissists and can’t seem to find a way out. This might help you Fear of Losing Yourself
I found this great video on YouTube with Dr. Ramani Durvasula. She really is amazing. She explains narcissistic personality disorder versus borderline personality disorder.
Here are 5 narcissistic traits I discovered the hard way
1 The big ego thing
I just thought it was a *thing*. None of us are perfect right? Some people have bigger egos than others. No big deal. Right? But it is a big deal. They are ego driven. Their importance is all that matters. Ever. You take a back seat. All the time. You put them on a pedestal because you love them (and in their eyes there is no other place to be) and you feel sorry for their brokenness.
I had no idea this was a narcissistic trait.
2 Why so defensive?
I just thought they were trying to stand up for what they believed in, passionately. I didn’t realize whatever they got defensive about was actually chipping away at their precious ego.
I mean, we all believe in something and stand up for it or protect it but wow.
SO defensive. To the point where they would get enraged. Like, they are right and you are wrong and shut up and stop this conversation now. This was actually a scary narcissistic trait for me. It confused me.
You know, at one point in my life, I was pretty inconsiderate. I mean, I wasn’t a nice person. But I realized it and changed. I can look back now and chalk it up to being selfish and immature.
People who have narcissistic traits are just plain inconsiderate. Period.
They only think of themselves because they are number one, right? See, I just thought that maybe they were raised that way. You know, like only child syndrome.
What do I know?
4 Why so cocky?
That’s not even funny and it’s actually pretty annoying. Mind you, I think we all get a little cocky sometimes, no? It’s an ugly trait that many of us wear, some of us wear it in fun, really. Others are just plain cocky, all the time.
Because they’re right, they’re smart, they’re better than you, they’re perfect, they’re…..jerks, really.
Yup, no clue this was actually a narcissistic trait.
5 What else is wrong with you?
Quite often, there is something else underlying. They aren’t just displaying narcissistic traits for no reason. They suffer from depression, anxiety, seriously low self esteem and self confidence (who knew?) and may have been the victim of bullying in their younger years (childhood trauma, right?)
I mean there is so much more to the narcissist that I seriously didn’t know.
I didn’t even know there was a name for this. And then I took inventory of my life and went *Oh I get it now*. All the narcissistic traits suddenly matched a few people in my life.
So what do you do about it? How do you get away from it or deal with it?
Honestly, I have no answers. I try to see the good in everyone. We all have bad in us and we all have so much good in us. Really we do.
Dealing with a narcissist is no easy feat
Trust me, I know. A lifetime of this has shown me that you must be super strong and dig deep to find your self confidence and even some balls. It takes a big strong person to deal with a narcissist, shut them down and walk away.
I love helping people to do that. Find and pull up their big girl/boy panties and be the bigger person.
Do you have someone in your life with these narcissistic traits?
Do you recognize any of these narcissistic traits in your partner, family member, co worker or someone else in your life? I totally get how hard it is to deal with them. Trust me, I know.
But it’s not impossible. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist you may need to talk to someone or even think about leaving. If leaving isn’t an option, is counselling an option?
Kim Saeed has an amazing course you might want to check out:
Will your narcissist recognize his/her own signs and want to seek help? There are many things you need to think about before leaving or making the decision to leave but one most important thing is your happiness.
You are number one and you must take care of yourself and your happiness first and foremost.
Helping others is my jam
I’m a healer and helper. I realized that deep inside of me is that person who wants to fix everyone’s brokenness. I’m that girl. *Here let me fix you. You don’t have to be like this forever. Let’s make you better*.
But you can’t fix people. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to love people. That’s all.
So the bottom line?
Look for the good and if you can’t, then maybe it’s time to just send them love and walk away.
Peace and Love
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