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10 Ways to Find Yourself When You Feel Lost

Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano

There are many reasons why we lose ourselves. This can happen after a breakup, a death, a job loss or if you’re simply having an identity crisis. In today’s inspirational article I’m going to share with you 10 ways to find yourself so you can feel ‘normal’ again.

Or maybe you’re at a point where you are reinventing your life or starting over. Whatever the case may be, I got ya covered.

You may also really like these articles from my sister site Women Blazing Trails

How to Start Over at 50 With Nothing

How to Reinvent Yourself at 50 (or any age!)

(this post contains an affiliate link so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure here)

How to find your self again

We first need to understand we have many ‘selfs’. Here are a few of them:

  • self respect
  • self confidence
  • self love
  • self worth
  • self esteem

They all hold equal importance. If you want to find your self, which self in particular are you looking for? Self love? Self confidence? I feel it’s important to do a little self discovery to see where you are lacking in true self.

You might like this related article:

15 Powerful Self Discovery Questions to Ask Yourself

You might also really enjoy my new self help eStore!

I have lots of fantastic self help eBooks (some even on your ‘selfs’) and a couple of really great courses.

Click here to see what’s ‘in store’ for you and grab the best self help tool that’s right for you!

Best way to get to know yourself

For many of us who have just left a toxic relationship or a relationship with a narcissist, one of the things we realize is that we aren’t the same and we don’t recognize ourselves anymore. We’ve given up and sacrificed so much of who we are to please our partner.

What’s left is an empty and somewhat lost and broken person who doesn’t know who they are anymore. I think the best way to get to know yourself is to sit down and write out things about yourself you love and miss.

You can also write out things you don’t miss (that may have come from the unhealthy relationship) or things that were toxic to you that you tolerated. Writing is really therapeutic and quite enlightening.

I remember after I left my last abusive relationship, getting to know myself was at the top of the list of things I needed to do. I hated who I had become and didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was sad and crying all the time. It was ugly. It was a lot of work. It was beautiful. It was liberating.

Now it’s your turn.

So let’s get to how to truly find yourself in 10 ways!

10 Ways to find yourself

1 Make a list of things you like

I’m a huge fan of writing things out. Truth letters, love letters to yourself, forgiveness letters, daily gratitude, you name it, I write it. You might really love this love letter to myself. It’s powerful and eye opening. It can also help you a wee bit too!

2 Take time alone

Just sit by yourself with your thoughts. Listen to soft music, or no music, look out the window, whatever. Listen to what thoughts come into your mind. And yes, you can write them out too if you feel like it. But sit alone with no distractions.

3 Step out of your comfort zone

Try something new once or twice. See if you like it. It could be a new hobby or visit a new location. Maybe a new coffee shop. Or get in the car and go on a road trip alone to a new place.

4 Do something alone

Pick something you would normally do with a friend or a group of friends and do it on your own. Whether it be go to dinner or to the movies. Spending time alone is crucial to helping you find your self.

5 Take a course

Learning is growth and it will also help you learn things about yourself too. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never took the time to learn? Do that now. There are plenty of free and affordable online courses.

6 Create a mind map

Much like the vision board, I prefer mind mapping if I have to be honest. You can read more about mind mapping here but it’s basically writing out your goals (things you really want to accomplish and achieve) and making a plan to do them!

7 Journal daily

You can write out your feelings or things you’re grateful for. Whatever tickles your fancy at the time you pick up your journal and pen. I love doing a daily gratitude journal but I also write out things I want to manifest each new moon. Journaling is a great way to express yourself.

8 Talk to a friend

It’s easy to want to hide in a corner and shut the world out when we are feeling sad or lonely but sometimes talking to a friend can be the best medicine too. Remember, no one knows how you feel unless you tell them. We aren’t mind readers.

9 Take inventory of your life

Writing again- take inventory of who is in your life, who shouldn’t be in your life, the things that are in your life that probably shouldn’t be either-write it all out and have a look at it. There are probably some things that can surely go! Things that are soul sucking. Be gone!!

10 Be gentle on yourself

Too many of us are too hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up for making poor choices or staying in toxic relationships longer than we should have. Don’t worry about any of that now. Just be gentle with yourself, love yourself, honor yourself and maybe even treat yourself every now and then too.

You’re doing the best you can with what you know and have. And that’s a lot!

Talk to a professional

You may feel you need professional help and that’s totally ok too. I now offer life coaching so if you want to book a free 30 minute discovery call, click here to do that now.

Having someone totally unbiased to talk to can make a world of difference. Though our friends and family truly do love us, they don’t always offer the best advice.

If you feel you’d like to talk to a counselor or a professional therapist, check out the awesome peeps over at

Finding yourself again takes time

And it will take time.Learning and growing is something that never ends. I’ll be 60 this year and I’m still learning new things about myself all the time.

Be patient, loving and kind with yourself and don’t forget to stay open minded. Try new things, step out of your comfort zone, face your fears, push the envelope. Soon will emerge a brand new you!

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