How I Escaped From a Being in a Codependent Relationship
Somewhere in between that first phone call and our first kiss, it happened. The flood gates of simmering emotion I’d buried for almost two decades crashed though the stone walls of my heart. I never intended to fall deeply and madly in love with you, again.
I never meant to pack my whole life and leave everything I knew behind to give love a chance. My self love, if I had any at all, didn’t stand a chance. It was too late before I realized I had trapped myself in a codependent relationship
You drew me in. Touched my soul in places I thought had died. Late at night we stood in your kitchen planning our future. We were a team. I was no longer me. We were us.
The chipping away of my spirit, the crushing of my soul happened slowly – it was in the little things.
Through all the late night tears as I watched you deep in a drunken slumber, I knew I was slipping away. I had disappeared into the abyss of you. I loved you but I was never going to be enough to love you though your tortured pain.I wasn’t the bottom of the whiskey bottle you craved.
The desperate search for my self love
I just knew in the moment that I couldn’t continue to pretend everything was okay, because it wasn’t. I never anticipated discovering just what was wrong.
I realize I was addicted to you, to your pain and suffering. I was addicted to trying to reach inside you and show you the love you craved. But I didn’t love me. My light died in the shadow of your darkness.
And here I am now, finally codependent no more!!
Breaking free from a codependent relationship
The heartbreak of losing you damn near killed me. Days, weeks, months passed and the tears refused to stop. I’d wake up in the morning with tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t want to get out of bed and face the world.
How could I? The man I loved didn’t chase me. You didn’t want me. You were gone. I’d walked away and you never gave me a backwards glance. It was as if I’d never existed to you.
You were my addiction.
You were my dream.
You were my future.
But I had it all wrong.
I am my addiction.
I am my dream.
I am my future.
I had to lose everything to win myself.
I am codependent no more.
Now when I think of you, which is often, I pray for you. I pray God touches your heart and heals your pain. I pray He releases you from your addiction and leads you into the life you were meant to live. I send love your way. I thank God for you every day.
In closing (from Iva)
Are you stuck in a codependent relationship?
Do you feel you are attached to someone and you know it’s unhealthy? I think we’ve all been there before and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Recognizing the signs of being in a codependent relationship is one thing but you must take steps to detach yourself from this person and start loving yourself again.
Finding yourself if you will.
Check out my new mini self help eBook series You Are Amazing by clicking here or the image below. Powerful self help books to help you get through whatever issue you are dealing with right now.
Heartbreaking yet uplifting. A great reminder that we need to love ourselves before we can truly love others. Well done, Rachel!
This blog screamed loud and clear to me as sometimes I still do struggle with self love. This woke me up!!
Thanx for your comment Gina. xo
WOW! Beautiful story! Loving yourself is truly living fully awaken. When you don’t love yourself you are just existing and not living…love love love this story! Thanks for sharing!❤
Right? I loved this blog so much!! It tugged at my heart! xo
Much love to you MaryLou xo
I’ve only just walked out on my husband of 13 years. This describes exactly why i had to do it. In trying to make him happy etc I totally forgot myself. He never looked back like you say. It hurts do much but I know he’s done me a huge favour.
Thank you for your words it’s comforting knowing someone understands. Xx
Thank you for you comment Hannah and good for you for making the right move!! Here’s to much happiness and peace in your life.
much love
iva
Great I loved this story So exciting/ Thx for you sharing
Thank you Mery and glad you enjoyed the blog. One of my favourites too!!
much love
iva