How to Deal With the Brutal Emotions After the Breakup

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So you’ve found a new partner. He’s awesome. You love him. He’s the best thing in the world. Better than chocolate and margaritas (ok well maybe that’s a bit of a stretch). He brings you flowers, wines and dines you, opens the car door for you, bla bla bla. You never once think you’re gonna break up. The thought doesn’t even cross your mind at this point. We all know how much that sucks and how hard it is to do.

Anyway, moving on…..

He’s a gem. Time goes by. 3 months, 6 months, 12 months. He ain’t so great but you ain’t kicking him to the curb yet. There’s still hope and still time to change him, right?

Wrong. You ain’t changing anything sunshine.

18 months, 2 years, 3 years. You’re still plugging away. You know this isn’t right. You know this can’t be good for you. You’re losing hope and you’re officially tired. Tired of everything. Tired of fighting, crying, pulling out your hair, hoping and waiting for things to get better. You’re just plain tired.

You know what you have to do next. Get the #[email protected]% out. But how? What now? Where will I go? How can I make it on my own?

It’s time for the break up. 

7 years into a volatile relationship, I knew it was time for me to flee. I was scared out of my mind with too many unanswered questions. Fear had completely taken over and I was lost, dazed and confused. All I knew was that it was time to get out.

Period.

I didn’t have two cents to rub together, had donated most of my belongings to charity and had a job that could barely afford me a room in a rooming house let alone a one bedroom apartment. I had nothing. And I didn’t care. I was leaving. I never once imagined this break up was ever going to happen. But it was happening

All that was needed was determination, faith and God. And I had all three. Off I went. It definitely wasn’t easy but neither was the alternative. I had lived a life of misery long enough.

The good, the bad and the ugly

I can’t totally bash this poor guy, right? I mean I was with him for almost 7 years so there had to be something good there, yes? Of course there was. It was the good that kept me there. He’s loving (when he wants to be), he’s kind (when he’s in a good mood), he’s funny (if he’s sober) he’s patient (cause he could not care less otherwise).

Yes there was certainly some good stuff there. I was secure in a big beautiful house, in a great neighbourhood. We went on trips. I didn’t want for anything. My friends and family thought he was a great guy. Always polite and helpful and kind. Soft spoken, smart and funny. Yup. There was lots of good. Why would I even think of a break up right?

Unfortunately, the good didn’t outweigh the bad. The bad was downright ugly. How can someone so loving and kind, be so ugly and mean? I could never understand it and I didn’t want to waste any more of my precious time trying to figure it out. I was done.

Who you gonna call??

And the frantic phone calls began. Sisters, friends, friends of friends, old bosses. You name it, I called them. I had a plan, determination and faith. I was finally doing this. Much to my surprise, doors opened everywhere for me. People came out of the woodwork to help me.

I knew right then and there that THIS was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. The Universe had been waiting for me to do this for a long long time and it was supporting me in every way, shape and form. How about that. For the longest time I had been fighting this, afraid of this, not looking forward to doing this and all along this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Leaving.

Breaking up is really hard to do.

So many times in our lives we run into situations like these, where we know damn well that it’s up to us to take the leap and make the change. What stops us?

Fear. I’ve lived in fear most of my life. Mostly afraid of change. Fear of doing something that doesn’t have a clear end result. If I couldn’t see it, I wasn’t doing it. When I finally stopped feeding fear, April of 2013 to be exact, my whole world changed and it’s never been the same.

I embrace change, challenges, opportunities, you name it, I’m all over it! I consider myself a “yes” girl now. Yes. Yes. Yes! (whoa that sounded like a Herbal Essence commercial) I try new things all the time.

I meet new people and talk to everyone and anyone, I learn new things, take courses and yes, even accept crazy 30 day challenges of all kinds. Life is absolutely fan-friggin-tastic today and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier after this break up.

Ever. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown in the last 18 months and I am totally looking forward to the rest of my life. I have a new lease on life and it only gets better from here.

You can do this. You got this!! Take the leap if you’re still unsure.

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Peace and Love

Iva

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9 Comments

  • This is such an empowering and encouraging post, Iva. Yes, yes, yes – no better way to be open to life:) Thank you for being so open in your life, finding the courage to walk out and now being a voice for others who might be in similar situations. I tell ya – faith, determination and God can take you places!

    So glad to connect with you through our blogs and looking forward to keeping up with your blogging and coaching journey.

  • Thank you Vishnu! And yes, you’re right, faith, God and definitely a strong will. Lucky for me, I got ’em all..:) . Fear is a huge animal that is very hard to stand up to but once you do, the feeling is mind blowing . 🙂

  • I am where you were. 3 kids, 25 years and a new disability later, I’m here because my kids need me to be. I often think about the other side of the tunnel but it’s not for me right now anyway.

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