10 Ways to Heal From a Toxic Relationship
Last Updated on 1 year by Iva Ursano
We all hope that when we start a new relationship that this is the person we will spend the rest of our life with. And then that doesn’t happen and the relationship turns toxic and unhealthy. And then it’s time to leave. These unhealthy relationships can suck the life out of you. So how do you heal from a toxic relationship?
In this article I’m going to share some tips on how to heal from a toxic relationship as well as these things:
- how long does it take to heal from a toxic relationship
- can you fix a toxic relationship, and
- how to find yourself after a toxic relationship
It may be a long as we have a lot to cover so grab your favourite bevvie and let’s dive in.
(This article contains affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)
Some signs of a toxic relationship
There’s a difference between “oh that’s just the way he is” AND “this guy is toxic af”. You have to know the difference and stop making excuses for your partner’s behaviour. Just because that’s the way he is doesn’t mean you have to stay and put up with it.
Disrespect is disrespect, no matter how you explain it away.
Please read this article I wrote recently on disrespect in a relationship. If you recognize any of these signs, it’s time to do something about it.
15 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship Not to Ignore
and this one
7 Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship
You might also want to check out this one on being in a relationship with a narcissist
How to Spot a Narcissist-5 Warning Signs
If you are dealing with a narcissist and need help with that Kim Saeed has an amazing program to help you break free. Click here to learn more about her course.
If you know you’re in a toxic relationship and are too afraid to leave because your safety might be at risk, please contact the local women’s shelter in your area or the police. No one should ever have to live in fear like that.
Can you fix a toxic relationship?
Can you? That’s a good question and there is no right or wrong, yes or no answer to it, to be honest. In my opinion, the only way to fix a toxic relationship is for both parties to recognize that the relationship is toxic and both need to be 100% committed to fixing it.
Without that, you got nothing. One person can’t do all the work. And not all the fault lies on one person either. In a relationship, both people enter it with baggage. No one is perfect. You can’t lay all the blame on him or her.
So can you fix a toxic relationship? Only if you both want to and agree to heal yourselves and improve your lives. Otherwise, no.
Let’s move on and let me share with you 10 ways to heal from a toxic relationship
How to heal from a toxic relationship in 10 ways
1 Go no contact
This may be hard but it’s necessary. If you need to keep contact because of children, have a mediator present. It’s important to break all ties, if you can, and start fresh. Holding on to the past will keep you from moving forward. Remember that.
2 Write yourself a love letter
This is my favourite thing in the whole wide world to do (right after #3 below!). You are sad and broken. You probably feel empty and beaten down and maybe even a tad hopeless. It’s the perfect time to sit down and write yourself a love letter and remind yourself how friggin awesome you are and how this breakup is the best thing for you.
3 Write a forgiveness letter
You are probably angry, hurt, frustrated, full of pain, etc. Your partner probably hurt you a lot. Maybe he lied or cheated or whatever. Sit back down and write a forgiveness letter to them to get them off your chest and out of your mind. You will feel freer and lighter. Trust me on that one.
4 Feel all your feels
Don’t try to ‘stay strong’ or whatever. Feel all the damn feelings that go with breaking up and leaving a toxic person. There are lots!! Go through them. You need to because you will learn something about yourself through each feel.
The 7 stages of grief not only apply to the death of a loved one but also to the death of a relationship. If you aren’t sure what they are, I listed them below.
When I left my ex, I had to go through all 7 stages of grief, even though it was me who left. I still had to grieve. 8 years is a long time to be with someone, especially someone who completely controlled and emotionally manipulated you.
7 stages of grief
- Upward turn
- Rebuilding your life
- Acceptance and Hope
It’s important to go through each one, not ignore them. You’ll never heal from a toxic relationship if you try to ignore any of these feelings.
5 Hang around your fun friends
This isn’t the time to be around your girlfriends who want to bash your ex. Yes, we need to have a bashing fest but really, one should do. Go find your happy friends and go do fun happy and silly things with them. Go to the movies, picnics, whatever makes your heart sing. Those things. And while we’re at it, this brings us to #6
6 Do more things that make you happy
You need some joy in your life right now. You need to do more of the things that bring you joy, put a skip in your step and make your heart sing. And you probably haven’t done any of that in a really long time so go do more of that! It’s all about you boo!
7 Be kind to yourself
Take some time each day to honour yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself, and heal. This is one of the most important things to do in your healing. Be alone, learn, heal, read, grow. Find out who you are. Go find that girl you used to love that you probably lost somewhere along the way.
Check out my self help eBook library and grab the one that’s right for you
8 Take your time
You can’t rush healing. It will take time. Maybe a lot of time (we’ll talk a bit more about that later) maybe not but don’t try to race through it so you can start dating again. That’s a bad idea. You need to go through each broken piece, find out why it’s broken and figure out how to fix it. That will take time, whether you like it or not
9 Remember why you left
You may have urges to reach out to your ex and try to repair the relationship. Please don’t do that. Remember why you left in the first place or why the relationship ended. I’m sure there are many reasons. Don’t forget any of them.
10 Work on personal growth
This is a perfect time to work on yourself, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and maybe even physically. Just spend time with you. Love yourself, be yourself and grow. So many of us lose ourselves in a relationship that when we break up we have no idea who we are anymore. Take this time to do that. Find that girl.
How to find yourself after a toxic relationship
Chances are, you lost and/or left many pieces of the old you in your relationship. I can remember being curled up in a ball crying after I left my ex wondering who the heck I was and what was I going to do with my life.
I felt like a loser and a failure and I had never felt so alone in my whole life. If you feel any or all of those, I got ya babe. I know how you feel.
You have to take it one day at a time. Read some good self help eBooks (please do check out mine), listen to motivational YouTube videos ( I did- a LOT), journal out your feelings, and stay true to you. That’s the most important to be honest-stay true to YOU!! And your mental health and well being!
Moving on and finding happiness
I know right now you probably feel lost, scared, hopeless and so many more negative and sad emotions but I need you to know one thing-you will heal from this toxic relationship and one day you will look back and be so proud of yourself.
If you are having a hard time healing or moving on and need someone to talk to one on one, I now offer private coaching. Click here to learn more and book a 30 minute discovery call to see how I can help you.
xo iva xo
This is such an empowering and encouraging post, Iva. Yes, yes, yes – no better way to be open to life:) Thank you for being so open in your life, finding the courage to walk out and now being a voice for others who might be in similar situations. I tell ya – faith, determination and God can take you places!
So glad to connect with you through our blogs and looking forward to keeping up with your blogging and coaching journey.
Thank you Vishnu! And yes, you’re right, faith, God and definitely a strong will. Lucky for me, I got ’em all..:) . Fear is a huge animal that is very hard to stand up to but once you do, the feeling is mind blowing . :)
I’va, Your Absolutely AWESOME!!! ???
Thank you Margaret and so are YOU. I appreciate you being here and on the Facebook page. xo iva xo
You are such an Inspiration for us all ! ??
Love this! Resonates very deeply with me.
Glad you liked it Rachel. I look forward to more writing from you by the way ;)
I am where you were. 3 kids, 25 years and a new disability later, I’m here because my kids need me to be. I often think about the other side of the tunnel but it’s not for me right now anyway.
Hi Julie. I totally get that and you will know when the time is right!!
xo iva xo