I’m single and in all honesty, for the most part, I enjoy it. Really I do. After 30+ years of messed up relationships and having to take care of kids and parents and partners, I’m done. Pretty much done. Like, this whole being single and living alone thing, I’m really really lovin’. I am.
For the most part, happiness found center stage in my life. But, living the single life isn’t always a barrel of laughs either. Loneliness creeps in sometimes.
The good part of the single life/Happiness
Oh there are many. So many in fact I would probably have to write a book about it. First and foremost, I get the whole damn bed to myself every nite!! Yes this is an exciting part but you’re probably thinking there has got to be better perks than that. Why did this perk make the top of the list?
Because I was tormented almost every night by a narcissistic jerk who made sure when we went to sleep I dare not move a muscle or breath/cough or sneeze the wrong way because I would be yelled at, belittled and bullied.
So, ya, sleeping alone is sheer bliss and it has been every single nite since I left him. Lemme tell ya, loneliness doesn’t cross my mind once here.
Another good part is that you can just up and go do whatever you want at the drop of a hat not having to worry about someone else. Not having to answer to anyone also is really blissful.
Anyway I think all the single people reading this get this. I don’t need to go on and on.
The Bad Part/Loneliness
Again, there are many. I could probably write a book about that too (and why haven’t I written a book yet anyway?).
I miss the random texts from a special someone that just lets me know they are thinking of me.
I miss holding hands while walking by the lake. I miss someone saying “pack a bag let’s go on a road trip” (oh how I miss road trips, even on my own).
I miss cuddling at night with a special someone, having arms wrapped around me so tight that I know, without a shadow of doubt, there will be no harm come to me, right then and there.
I miss forehead kisses, oh how I miss those.
Those are some of the most important ones to me. Those are the sweet gentle times I love and miss. I definitely feel loneliness creep in then.
These are things I am now finding myself thinking about more than I used to. I am craving them now. Longing for them.
This is when loneliness really sets in.
But I sure do love the single life.
I feel lonely more than I should
Lately it seems, I feel lonely more than I think I should. I really do love my own company and I’m quite content running my own life, doing my own thing and not having to answer to anyone. I mean, those are just a few of the things that make single life sweet.
But I feel like time is going by fast and more often than not I’m feeling alone and kinda do want some companionship.
Loneliness is hitting hard these days
I go to bed every night and often feel sad. When I wake up in the morning, again, often I feel lonely. I think I just may be tired of being alone now. I’m not really sure.
Part of me is so happy being single and there is a part of me, a deeper part of me that is crying out in loneliness. I don’t want to die alone and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone either.
I think I want part time companionship if I had to describe exactly what I’m looking for. Don’t live with me but be there for road trips, morning coffee sometimes, forehead kisses at bedtime sometimes and all the other good stuff.
Does that make sense?
The struggles of single life
Ok, so I really love being single. We established that. I also really miss being with someone special. We established that too. So where do you go from here?
No, really, I’m asking you. Where DO we go from here? Honestly, I have no clue.
It’s like you really want something but then you think “nah, I don’t really want it that bad”. But then you get into one of those lonely funks and you think “oh crap, here we go”. The struggle is real. (or…is that just me?)
So do we solicit ourselves on some crappy online dating site to see what we can snag? Is that where we go from here? Test it out, date one or two, see if we like it. See if we are ready to do this? You know, kill the lonely bug?
Do I just let life unfold, knowing the Universe is watching and listening to me every step of the way. Reassuring me that she knows exactly what she’s doing and I just need to be patient and chill out.
Maybe I just need to chill out and let whatever happens happen. Just roll with life. Enjoy it minute by minute, day by day. Just be happy and radiate love wherever you go.
You know, I find great joy and love in my friends and I get tons of affection from the kids in the laneway (ok, I know it’s because they only want candy but really, it’s awesome!). I mean I’m not completely without love and affection. It’s all around me.
and besides, I sure do love being single, but…..
I would love to hear from the single peeps to find out what your take is on the whole single vs in a relationship (and of course, I’m referring to a healthy relationship) How many of you are still ridiculously happy being single and rarely get lonely? How many of you are ready for that someone?
Bartender, can you make that one a double please.
Peace and Love
ps…have you checked out my new online store yet? Oooh it’s got some super cool stuff in it!!