You know, I’m no expert on relationships. I’ve had my fair share of doozies. I probably also shouldn’t be giving out relationship advice but I have to pride myself on one thing (that may give me a little bit of credibility here), as I learn and grow from each toxic relationship, I do my best to help others “see the light” and find the courage to leave too.
Many of us stay in loveless relationships because leaving is hard and scary. I was that person. I stayed for many reasons.
- I had nothing else
- I had nowhere else to go
- I convinced myself it wasn’t that bad (others had it WAY worse than me!)
- I’m just being ungrateful for everything I do have
- How is he going to be able to live without me
Things were bound to get better
Oh I had a list of reasons longer than my arm as to why I should stay. I fought to hold on for longer than I should have because I was sure things were going to get better. We had a fight, we talked about it after, he said sorry.
“Babe I love you, sorry, it’s just that….” < insert excuse of the week. After a really bad fight I’d have to write out an email or letter so he would really get it. Pour out my soul.
But he always said sorry and I love you. That means things can only get better, right? I held onto hope. I mean, they couldn’t get worse, could they? How much more toxic could this relationship get anyway?
I’d cry to friends and they would offer some relationship advice, or not. Sometimes they just offered soft, gentle and loving words. I took it all in.
It’s time to leave this toxic relationship…
Then one day, it was just time. I couldn’t do it any more. It was building up. 6 months of build up. Actually it was longer, maybe 2 years of build up. By the time I was ready to leave, time meant nothing. It didn’t matter how long I’ve been enduring this life.
All that mattered was that I was finally leaving this toxic relationship. A life of turmoil, insecurities, lies, volatile love and charades was coming to an end. I didn’t know what was going to be on the other side of this life for me. I was scared out of my tree. That’s what I knew for sure.
But I knew it was gonna be scary. It was time to face fear head on and just push. This relationship had to end. There was nothing left in it for me. It was pure poison. There was love. Some love. But too little, and certainly not enough to hang on to any more. He had some good, just not for me.
I thought back to some of the little pieces of relationship advice some of my friends offered to me. It was time to apply it.
Much to my surprise….
And then I did it. I packed my stuff, what little I had, and left. I knew there wasn’t going to be any turning back, ever. And I felt this huge wave of relief wash over me. It was like a tsunami, really. Like a tsunami of emotions. I was sad, I was happy, I was angry, I was so mad at him.
Why couldn’t he change to suit me? Why couldn’t this work? Why did it have to be like this? I had nothing. Inside or out. I was empty, broke and had nothing to my name. No wait, I had two things, really..
And then something else happened. Life opened up for me. Freedom. A freedom I have never known in my whole life. A freedom that called my name, loudly. It wasn’t just a whisper any more. Freedom was yelling at the top of its lungs. “Iva, it’s about time!”
And I embraced life like I never have, ever before. And life was beautiful. And so was I. I wasn’t all those things I had been told for so many years. I was better than all that and I was about to prove all that to myself.
My Relationship Advice to you
Your relationship should feel good to you. It shouldn’t feel like it is chipping away pieces of your heart and soul. You must be able to be yourself, not have to live in fear and not have to second guess yourself or your relationship all the time.
It’s all about me now
I get to do things I’ve always wanted to do and never did, right down to eating cereal for dinner and staying up late and sleeping in on the weekends. I also got to find out who I am. Who I really am. What my purpose and my passion is. I answer to myself only, and God. I do the best I can with what I have and my best is to help mankind.
Peace and Love
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