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11 Peculiar Reasons Why People Don’t Like You (and one reason to not care)

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Last Updated on 1 year by Iva Ursano

If you’re anything like me, or like I was, it kinda really bothers you when you find out people don’t like you. You’re fairly certain you’re a nice person with a good heart. You feel you are likable enough. So what gives? Why don’t people like you?

Why people don’t like you

I use to have a really hard time with this, I’ll be honest.

It used to hurt my feelings. An awful lot. And then I would spend, er I mean, waste time trying to figure out why they don’t like me and how I could possibly fix that.

I’m one of those people who needs attention and validation. Wait, I used to be one of those people. I needed people to like me all the time. Call me a people pleaser if you will.

I talked about this, being a people pleaser, over on my YouTube channel just the other day. You might like this video. 

While you’re there don’t forget to hit that subscribe button too!!

When someone doesn’t like you for no reason

Well, you think there’s no reason but really there is. You know you’ve done nothing wrong to a person. You didn’t step out of line and you weren’t rude or obnoxious. At least you didn’t think so.

But the fact of the matter is, it’s kinda frustrating amirite? Like you can’t help thinking to yourself ‘well what did I ever do to you’? If you’re like me, you’ll go over things in your head to see if you maybe you said or did something wrong.

Did I offend someone? Did I trigger someone? Did I hurt someone’s feelings? What the hell happened?

You have to understand one very important thing. Though we think someone doesn’t like us for no reason, there actually is a reason. Quite possibly several. I’m gonna share 11 reasons with you in this article.

11 Peculiar Reasons Why People Don’t Like You

There’s a great Rumi quote that goes something like this:

“What you see in me is a reflection of you”

That’s a pretty powerful statement. Oddly enough, it offends so many people, and yes even yours truly. What do you mean I’m a reflection of you? That can’t be.

Well ya, it can be. We just don’t see it. We only see what we want to see. Not only that, many of us haven’t healed from our past traumas so we can be triggers for others. That actually happens to me a lot and I thought I was healed.

Nope. Apparently I’m not.

Which brings us to reason #1 why people don’t like you

1 You trigger something in them

It could be a memory of an ex girlfriend/boyfriend or maybe you even look like a family member they don’t get along with anymore. Every time they see you, it brings back memories and not good ones.

You see how this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. There isn’t anything you can do to change this until they heal from their trauma.

It’s completely out of your hands and you’ll just have to accept the fact that you are a trigger.

2 They’re jealous of you

This one is kinda sad actually. I also used to be that person who was jealous of anyone who was prettier, smarter, more popular, richer, you name it, I was jealous.

Jealousy is very ugly.

Some of the reasons people may be jealous of you may even surprise you. I know some people are jealous of me because they think I’m so brave and ballsy. I’m not really. I’m just determined and willing to try new things.

3 You intimidate them

Oy. I get this a lot. People are honestly secretly intimidated by you if you are successful or confident. So many of us have no self confidence and when they see a person who oozes in self confidence, it intimidates them.

They sometimes mistake confidence for cockiness, unfortunately and they will think you are too big for your britches. Just keep on shining. They’ll figure it out eventually and find their own self confidence one day.

Or not. It’s not your problem.

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4 You’re too damn happy

Sheesh. Do you have to be so happy all the time? Seriously!

Someone once told me I was phony. “No one can be that happy all the time”. Says who? You? Yes I can be this happy all the time and if I’m ever not happy or sad, I just stay home. Period.

They think you’re faking it. They are also jealous (there’s that word again) that your life is so wonderful that it makes you so happy. They hate that. They hate you for it.

Let it go. Again. Not your problem.

5 You’re too outspoken

Stop being so vocal already will ya? You got a voice and you know how to use it. You don’t put up with anyone’s crap. Ever.

Many people don’t really like this, especially bullies and narcissists. How dare you talk back to them? Some people just want us to be ‘yes’ people and when we aren’t, oy, feathers get ruffled.

Keep using your voice and stand up for what you believe in. No matter what it is.

6 You’re so negative

I gotta tell you, I used to be Negative Nancy all the time. My whole life was a disaster and I would whine and complain about it to anyone who would listen. I’m not sure how I still have these friends to this day.

Nowadays, if you are whining and complaining I’ll either help you try to find something positive in your situation or if that doesn’t work, I’ll just walk away.

No one wants to hear it Felicia. Can you just try to be grateful for what you have?

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7 Your voice is annoying

Ya sorry. You ever run into some people whose voice is irritating af? I did recently and decided that I simply can’t be around this person. A trigger? Honestly I’m not sure but I just can’t handle listening to this person talk. I know pathetic, right? But I’m being honest here.

Some of us just have those voices.

And the sad part about that is there is nothing you can do about it. It’s just you. Don’t worry though. There are others who may absolutely love your voice. Go be with them instead.

8 You’re so clingy

Like in my personal space kinda clingy. There is thing called ‘personal space’. I believe it’s two feet in either direction of our bodies. We only let a small handful of people into this space.

Clearly you may not be one of them.

It makes us extremely uncomfortable when people get into our personal space. We almost feel violated. If you happen to be one of these clingy type people, maybe try and stand back a foot. It might help.

9 You’re constantly interrupting conversations

Ughhhhh!! I have to tell you, this is probably one of the most annoying things to me ever. When someone doesn’t let you talk or finish a story because they are constantly interrupting with a story of their own. Trying to outshine you, if you will.

I used to be one of those people until I ran into people like that and was disgusted with myself. I’ve since learned to let people finish their story.

Now when someone interrupts me I ask them to please let me finish my story first. It’s very effective. It goes back to that whole find and use your voice thing. It works.

Let people finish their stories please. You will have your turn to talk.

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10 You’re too successful

Shame on you for reaching and smashing your goals. Oy.

But honestly, success can seriously put some people off. They secretly loathe you because of your success. So many of us have dreams but are too scared to do anything to actually realize them. Clearly you aren’t scared and you succeeded.

People don’t like that. They want you to stay in the scared box with them.

11 You’re self absorbed

It’s always about you. What you did, how high you jumped, how big your house is, how new your car is, how great your husband/wife is. You get the point.

You are constantly trying to show off everything in your life and make it sound like it’s all so amazing and how great everything is. But, you never ask anyone how they are doing or you show no interest in anyone else.

It’s always about you and only you.

It’s boring Susan and so are you. Can you step down off your pedestal for one minute and connect with the world around you and the people in it?

No one wants to be around someone who just talks about themselves all the time. I sure don’t.

Some other signs of why people don’t like you

So those were only 11 signs people don’t like you but I guarantee there are a million more. It could be your body odor, the amount of cologne you were or maybe that you gossip about or judge people.

It also could be the way you dress or the tattoos you have or your hair. Oh ya. People have some peculiar reasons not to like you.

And you will know without a doubt if someone doesn’t like you. They will either walk away when they see you coming or just ignore you if you are in a group of people.

What do you do?

Nothing. Just accept it as it is. You aren’t a jar of Nutella, not everyone is going to love you. I get that it’s frustrating, annoying or even hurtful when people don’t like you. Sometimes it can actually be kinda confusing too!

But remember, most of the reasons why people don’t like you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It’s not up to you to change so people will like you.

Unless some of your traits are quite toxic and negative and changing would be a very good thing. You should look into that. I did.

How to not care if people like you or not!

I struggled with this a lot. It used to make me so sad that some people didn’t like me. Today? Meh. I could not care less to be honest.

When you keep in mind that them not liking you has nothing to do with you it really makes it that much easier to deal with. You have to remind yourself that you are awesome just the way you are (unless you’re not and you’re toxic then you need to look into changing that).

When you care how people feel about you, you are giving them your power. They are now controlling your life and you don’t even realize it. This is your life.

Take back your power and stop caring what people think of you or if they like you or not. YOU like YOU. That’s all that matters.

Why people don’t like you has nothing to do with you

It took me a long time to realize this. I was one of those people who would bend over backwards to get someone to like me, be my friend, give me attention, accept and appreciate me.

It took me a long time also to love myself enough not to care.

Why people don’t like you has everything to do with them. We are triggers to people’s emotions and traumas. We are threatening to people who want to stay weak and in their shell.

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We are too happy for people who can’t find happiness.

You keep being you. It doesn’t matter who likes you or not. What’s most important is that you like yourself and your friends and family like you. If there’s something in you that you don’t like, it’s up to you to change it. You can also try out this 21-day challenge if you think you need self-improvement.

But don’t change so people will like you. Change because you know you need to. So you can be happy. Not for any other reason, ever.

And then when you are finally happy and at peace with your life, the right people will gravitate towards you. It’s a beautiful thing.

peace and love

xo iva xo

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  1. Yes, these are pretty accurate peculiar reasons. What I hate the most is that someone who interrupts conversations and the one with a weird, annoying voice haha. Good post!

    1. Yassssssssssss the interrupter!! Ugh!! Thanx for reading and your comment :)

    2. I have to take care that I don’t interrupt people because sometimes it’s the only way to get a word in sideways if the other person never takes a breath. Or, the person is telling me something I already know (and have been told 10 times already) or making a suggestion of something I’ve already considered and rejected, and in addition to it being annoying I don’t want to wait another 3 minutes to explain to the person that I’ve already thought of that. Conversely I find that I tend to speak quickly because I myself expect not to be allowed to complete a thought and I need to get it out while I can. Weird, I know…

  2. My twin flame FIRE!!!!!! LOVE you with all my hearts And souls!!!!!! Agape Love !!!!

  3. Most people dislike me but seeing me for the first time. They dont talk to me even if I greet them no response. Sometimes the person talks to me today, tommorow they are moody. Why is it like that?

    1. Because sometimes people just don’t know how to respond to others. If you’re warm and friendly then show them that side and open up to them so they know it’s safe

    2. Jealously especially if you are good looking or dress different or sound different!

    3. People are pretty selfish. No one has ever invited me to so much as a conversation. I told a lady she left coffee on her car’s lid. She offered to fight me. I just gave up, and it spilled all over her exterior. People only like you if you’re rich or beautiful. I get called out or stared at everywhere I go. I enjoy masks, because people ignore me instead of staring. Yesterday, a woman in a wheelchair looked at me disgusted. I had forgotten my mask, and decided to quickly grab milk. You should try to find things which interest you. I love books, and art. I wish you the best of luck.

    4. Sometimes they dont talk to you the second day because when they talked to yoh the first day they were being phony so they forgot.
      Other times folks dont look or greet others when they have trauma or severe worries in their lives.
      You never know so dont take it heart. I get it though….heres a hug.

  4. Over the years, I have worked with or had extended family members that just did not like me. I make a concerted effort to be a good listener and to be supportive without judgment, but sometimes feel invisible. And sometimes come across people that seem to really despise me for no reason that I can figure out. But this article gave me some things to consider and it is much appreciated. I think what helps is that I am not the only one that experiences this. Thank you!

    1. Ya I can’t figure out people sometimes either and that’s ok too!

    2. “I make a concerted effort to be a good listrnand be be supportive without any judgement, but sometimes feel visible” WOW got no words, thats so me hey..

  5. I love how your positivity truly radiates through this post! This showed me how you can be perceptive without negativity. It is much easier to take these lessons and put them in action because I received them in such a kind way, thank you❤️

    1. Well said.. I feel the same way…she so eloquently laid it all out…

  6. In addition to not being liked myself for no apparent reason since grade school, I’ve never understood how others can be so contemptuous of others who never did anything to them. People who might be a little weird or socially awkward but otherwise harmless are talked about, demeaned and handed the role of the village idiot. I try to make a point of being nice to these people and judge for myself if he/she is worthy of my friendship; and if I can’t perceive any malice or rudeness I see no harm in being polite and refraining from the gossip (which I tend to do regardless).

    1. I’m with you on not understanding how people can be like that Terry. There’s no reason or rhyme but it’s stated that people will mock and reject what they fear. And people fear anything that isn’t “normal” to them.

  7. I really think people don’t like me because I’m ugly. I have a resting bitch face so I know that plays into it a lot, but ever since I was a child, people have told me I was ugly. It’s one of the only reasons I can think of why people I have just met don’t like me. I’ve gotten used to being ugly as I’ve gotten older, but it makes for a lonely existence.

    1. I’m so sad that you think this. I hope you will stop telling yourself you are ugly and start appreciating the beauty that lays inside.

  8. This actually helped me I really didn’t under why someone wouldn’t like me for no reason it’s two girls I havnt didn’t any wrong example when ever me and her come into contact she’s quick to look away or avoid me when we cross paths she doesn’t even look at me, even during change over at work she just avoid me it was quite it bothered me because I was nice to her and she just ignores me like she doesn’t want me around, the second girl me and her usually go the rest at the same time she’s geting ready for her shift I’m brushing my teeth she doesn’t even say or word to me or even ever we walk passed each other nothing it bothered me too I’m friendly person when ever I come across someone I say hi but it’s different with her it’s just awkward it upseted me so I stopped going to the same rest room as her

    1. Sorry to hear this. It can certainly be hard when we have to work with people who don’t like us. Just let them be. It’s their loss :)

  9. I am a senior in a relationship now for more than a year. My boyfriend raised a girl whose mother didn’t care about her children. The young girl is now in her early 20’s For some reason she has taken a dislike too me. I tried to always be polite, say hello, etc, — of course no response from the girl. But when we are all in a room, it seems that my boyfriend doesn’t get to the bottom of it. I have now decided that I just dont want anything to do with this girl. This man lives with me. I am not jealous of her, I think she needs to learn respect. There are many people we are going to come across, we don’t have to like them, but being polite and courteous should be a trait he should have taught her.

    1. Awe I’m sorry to hear this. I don’t think it’s you though, I think it’s any woman he would have a relationship with. She sounds hurt and broken. Just send her love. xoxo

  10. Thank you so much for this, I’m 21 and struggle to make friends my age. There just don’t seem to be a lot of girls out there like me, and getting left on read or simply told to “stop texting me” when I think I’m forming a new and genuine friendship has left me so depressed, some days I wonder if anything is worth it anymore. Makes you more aware of the way you treat others as well and like Billie Eilish said, “If they knew what they said would go straight to my head what would they say instead?” Thank you for this post. This truly helped me to feel better about my situation 💕 much love ☺️

    1. Sorry you have a hard time making friends. I mostly just have acquaintances now, not friends. No one really understands or gets me but I’m ok with that now. xoxo

  11. If you need to change yourself do it for yourself no one else.And if people want to stay on their “I’m better than you pedestal” or believe you don’t fit in…Cool,your loss🙂 cause everyone is awesome!!! DUH.

  12. a guy or girl might not like you cause you could be to loud or to talkitive or they dont like you cause they are just mean and wanna like you but cant cause people will make fun of him which happened to me a last year

  13. Thank you for just giving a REAL look at a REAL issue! I am that person that sometime cares too much about what other people think but I am doing the internal work to change that about myself. I am currently in a situation where someone has chosen to “unfriend” me. I went to the person to try to clear the air – but to no avail; however, they did admit that I had not done anything to them! MY conscience is clear, but like you, I did agonize over why they have chosen not to be my friend. I realized that I was making judgments about me her actions – apparently, I needed something from her! There it is somewhere deep inside me that I tied my value, worth, and acceptance to whether she liked me or not! I questioned my value because this person refused to “SEE ME!” I have realized self-worth can only come from self.
    I must know that I am worthy of value, acceptance, friendship, love, and the MORE and MORE good GOD has for me. Bottom line – I am enough whether someone sees it or not! Each day that goes by I care less and less about how she responds to me because I realize now that she is the one that is BROKEN and needs RESTORATION. Although I would prefer not to be in this situation, I am grateful for it because it revealed the SOULWORK that I needed (and continue) to do on myself! I am working towards WHOLENESS!

    1. This is an awesome comment! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!! xoxo

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