Last Updated on 8 months by Iva Ursano
If you’re anything like me, or like I was, it kinda really bothers you when you find out people don’t like you. You’re fairly certain you’re a nice person with a good heart. You feel you are likable enough. So what gives? Why don’t people like you?
Why people don’t like you
I use to have a really hard time with this, I’ll be honest.
It used to hurt my feelings. An awful lot. And then I would spend, er I mean, waste time trying to figure out why they don’t like me and how I could possibly fix that.
I’m one of those people who needs attention and validation. Wait, I used to be one of those people. I needed people to like me all the time. Call me a people pleaser if you will.
I talked about this, being a people pleaser, over on my YouTube channel just the other day. You might like this video.
While you’re there don’t forget to hit that subscribe button too!!
When someone doesn’t like you for no reason
Well, you think there’s no reason but really there is. You know you’ve done nothing wrong to a person. You didn’t step out of line and you weren’t rude or obnoxious. At least you didn’t think so.
But the fact of the matter is, it’s kinda frustrating amirite? Like you can’t help thinking to yourself ‘well what did I ever do to you’? If you’re like me, you’ll go over things in your head to see if you maybe you said or did something wrong.
Did I offend someone? Did I trigger someone? Did I hurt someone’s feelings? What the hell happened?
You have to understand one very important thing. Though we think someone doesn’t like us for no reason, there actually is a reason. Quite possibly several. I’m gonna share 11 reasons with you in this article.
11 Peculiar Reasons Why People Don’t Like You
There’s a great Rumi quote that goes something like this:
“What you see in me is a reflection of you”
That’s a pretty powerful statement. Oddly enough, it offends so many people, and yes even yours truly. What do you mean I’m a reflection of you? That can’t be.
Well ya, it can be. We just don’t see it. We only see what we want to see. Not only that, many of us haven’t healed from our past traumas so we can be triggers for others. That actually happens to me a lot and I thought I was healed.
Nope. Apparently I’m not.
Which brings us to reason #1 why people don’t like you
1 You trigger something in them
It could be a memory of an ex girlfriend/boyfriend or maybe you even look like a family member they don’t get along with anymore. Every time they see you, it brings back memories and not good ones.
You see how this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. There isn’t anything you can do to change this until they heal from their trauma.
It’s completely out of your hands and you’ll just have to accept the fact that you are a trigger.
2 They’re jealous of you
This one is kinda sad actually. I also used to be that person who was jealous of anyone who was prettier, smarter, more popular, richer, you name it, I was jealous.
Jealousy is very ugly.
Some of the reasons people may be jealous of you may even surprise you. I know some people are jealous of me because they think I’m so brave and ballsy. I’m not really. I’m just determined and willing to try new things.
3 You intimidate them
Oy. I get this a lot. People are honestly secretly intimidated by you if you are successful or confident. So many of us have no self confidence and when they see a person who oozes in self confidence, it intimidates them.
They sometimes mistake confidence for cockiness, unfortunately and they will think you are too big for your britches. Just keep on shining. They’ll figure it out eventually and find their own self confidence one day.
Or not. It’s not your problem.
4 You’re too damn happy
Sheesh. Do you have to be so happy all the time? Seriously!
Someone once told me I was phony. “No one can be that happy all the time”. Says who? You? Yes I can be this happy all the time and if I’m ever not happy or sad, I just stay home. Period.
They think you’re faking it. They are also jealous (there’s that word again) that your life is so wonderful that it makes you so happy. They hate that. They hate you for it.
Let it go. Again. Not your problem.
5 You’re too outspoken
Stop being so vocal already will ya? You got a voice and you know how to use it. You don’t put up with anyone’s crap. Ever.
Many people don’t really like this, especially bullies and narcissists. How dare you talk back to them? Some people just want us to be ‘yes’ people and when we aren’t, oy, feathers get ruffled.
Keep using your voice and stand up for what you believe in. No matter what it is.
6 You’re so negative
I gotta tell you, I used to be Negative Nancy all the time. My whole life was a disaster and I would whine and complain about it to anyone who would listen. I’m not sure how I still have these friends to this day.
Nowadays, if you are whining and complaining I’ll either help you try to find something positive in your situation or if that doesn’t work, I’ll just walk away.
No one wants to hear it Felicia. Can you just try to be grateful for what you have?
7 Your voice is annoying
Ya sorry. You ever run into some people whose voice is irritating af? I did recently and decided that I simply can’t be around this person. A trigger? Honestly I’m not sure but I just can’t handle listening to this person talk. I know pathetic, right? But I’m being honest here.
Some of us just have those voices.
And the sad part about that is there is nothing you can do about it. It’s just you. Don’t worry though. There are others who may absolutely love your voice. Go be with them instead.
8 You’re so clingy
Like in my personal space kinda clingy. There is thing called ‘personal space’. I believe it’s two feet in either direction of our bodies. We only let a small handful of people into this space.
Clearly you may not be one of them.
It makes us extremely uncomfortable when people get into our personal space. We almost feel violated. If you happen to be one of these clingy type people, maybe try and stand back a foot. It might help.
9 You’re constantly interrupting conversations
Ughhhhh!! I have to tell you, this is probably one of the most annoying things to me ever. When someone doesn’t let you talk or finish a story because they are constantly interrupting with a story of their own. Trying to outshine you, if you will.
I used to be one of those people until I ran into people like that and was disgusted with myself. I’ve since learned to let people finish their story.
Now when someone interrupts me I ask them to please let me finish my story first. It’s very effective. It goes back to that whole find and use your voice thing. It works.
Let people finish their stories please. You will have your turn to talk.
10 You’re too successful
Shame on you for reaching and smashing your goals. Oy.
But honestly, success can seriously put some people off. They secretly loathe you because of your success. So many of us have dreams but are too scared to do anything to actually realize them. Clearly you aren’t scared and you succeeded.
People don’t like that. They want you to stay in the scared box with them.
11 You’re self absorbed
It’s always about you. What you did, how high you jumped, how big your house is, how new your car is, how great your husband/wife is. You get the point.
You are constantly trying to show off everything in your life and make it sound like it’s all so amazing and how great everything is. But, you never ask anyone how they are doing or you show no interest in anyone else.
It’s always about you and only you.
It’s boring Susan and so are you. Can you step down off your pedestal for one minute and connect with the world around you and the people in it?
No one wants to be around someone who just talks about themselves all the time. I sure don’t.
Some other signs of why people don’t like you
So those were only 11 signs people don’t like you but I guarantee there are a million more. It could be your body odor, the amount of cologne you were or maybe that you gossip about or judge people.
It also could be the way you dress or the tattoos you have or your hair. Oh ya. People have some peculiar reasons not to like you.
And you will know without a doubt if someone doesn’t like you. They will either walk away when they see you coming or just ignore you if you are in a group of people.
What do you do?
Nothing. Just accept it as it is. You aren’t a jar of Nutella, not everyone is going to love you. I get that it’s frustrating, annoying or even hurtful when people don’t like you. Sometimes it can actually be kinda confusing too!
But remember, most of the reasons why people don’t like you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It’s not up to you to change so people will like you.
Unless some of your traits are quite toxic and negative and changing would be a very good thing. You should look into that. I did.
How to not care if people like you or not!
I struggled with this a lot. It used to make me so sad that some people didn’t like me. Today? Meh. I could not care less to be honest.
When you keep in mind that them not liking you has nothing to do with you it really makes it that much easier to deal with. You have to remind yourself that you are awesome just the way you are (unless you’re not and you’re toxic then you need to look into changing that).
When you care how people feel about you, you are giving them your power. They are now controlling your life and you don’t even realize it. This is your life.
Take back your power and stop caring what people think of you or if they like you or not. YOU like YOU. That’s all that matters.
Why people don’t like you has nothing to do with you
It took me a long time to realize this. I was one of those people who would bend over backwards to get someone to like me, be my friend, give me attention, accept and appreciate me.
It took me a long time also to love myself enough not to care.
Why people don’t like you has everything to do with them. We are triggers to people’s emotions and traumas. We are threatening to people who want to stay weak and in their shell.
We are too happy for people who can’t find happiness.
You keep being you. It doesn’t matter who likes you or not. What’s most important is that you like yourself and your friends and family like you. If there’s something in you that you don’t like, it’s up to you to change it. You can also try out this 21-day challenge if you think you need self-improvement.
But don’t change so people will like you. Change because you know you need to. So you can be happy. Not for any other reason, ever.
And then when you are finally happy and at peace with your life, the right people will gravitate towards you. It’s a beautiful thing.
peace and love
xo iva xo