Last Updated on 3 years by Iva Ursano
I’m no stranger to feeling lonely. I’ve been alone for a hella long time.
I don’t want to spend the next 10 or 25 years alone. It just doesn’t interest me, at all.
I never entertain the idea that I may very well be alone for a very long time. That doesn’t sit well with me.
Now I do have to say that I love my own company. I work a lot so I don’t really have time for a partner anyway. I mean, I could certainly make time if I had one. As it stands right now, I’m just trying to learn how to deal with loneliness. Because I’ll be honest, I get lonely an awful lot.
More than I’d like.
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Feeling lonely and sad sucks, amirite?
Tonight as I sit here and type this, I am most certainly feeling lonely. That’s where this blog comes from. I like to write through my feelings. It helps me. A lot. I’m not sure I can go so far as to say I’m depressed but it’s pretty darned close.
Truth be told, I’m just really sad tonight. There’s a heaviness and an emptiness together in my heart and soul.
It’s not a pleasant feeling either and not one that strikes me often but when it does, it sure hits hard. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Other times I feel that if I drink enough tequila surely the feeling of loneliness will go away, no?
I’m no expert on how to deal with loneliness. All I know is that the tools I use sure help me and I just want to share them with you now in hopes they help you too!
If you feel you do need to speak to an expert or a professional, please check out online-therapy.com. I’ve recently partnered with them and they have amazing counselors and resources to help you through just about anything.
So what is loneliness?
Feelings of loneliness are very different for everyone. Some, like me, may feel lonely because they don’t have a partner. Others may feel lonely because they don’t have friends or don’t feel like they belong anywhere.
For some, loneliness is not having family or friends, for whatever reasons, and not having anyone to talk to or support them.
But what is loneliness overall? It’s a very heavy and sad emotion, that has the potential to destroy you if you let it, that we get from perceived isolation.
My hope in writing this is that you don’t the loneliness you are feeling now destroy you. We’re going to fight off feeling lonely so we can be happy again!
What is the main cause of loneliness?
According to verywellmind.com the main cause of loneliness is low self esteem. When we don’t feel worthy or good enough to be in the company of others, when we feel inadequate, we tend to not associate with too many people.
Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people, which can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.
Other causes of loneliness include:
- social anxiety
- not having a partner
- having a hard time making friends or meeting like-minded people
- being treated poorly in a relationship
Do any of these sound like you? I feel you. I hope this article can help you get through this.
How to cope with loneliness
I think it can strike anyone at any time. Even people who are in relationships can feel lonely. There is a big difference between being alone and feeling loneliness. I like my alone time and I like being alone.
I don’t like feeling sad and lonely. Who does?
So how then do we cope with loneliness? Especially when all we want to do is make the world go away. Well, it’s not the most comfortable thing to do but it’s not impossible either. Here are 5 tips that help me when I’m feeling lonely.
5 Things to do When You’re Feeling Lonely
1 Write out your feelings
Just like I’m doing right now. I’m writing through it and sharing my loneliness with you. You can write whatever you want really but I would suggest one of two things:
- write about why your sad, or
- write about the things you are grateful for
It doesn’t have to be Hemingway stuff. Just anything really. When we write from our heart and soul and pour it all out, it’s no longer bottled up inside of us. It’s good to get it out.
2 Cry it out
Yup. Put on your favourite heartbreaking music (or not) and have a good sob fest. This is soooo therapeutic for me. It makes me feel like I’m detoxifying my soul. Nuttin’ wrong with that. Even our soul needs a good cleanse!
Crying doesn’t make you weak or a wimp. It shows you have a heart and feelings. It shows you are a perfectly imperfect human being. Cry your little heart out and I promise you will feel so much better.
3 Call a friend
Now, this may sound like a no brainer but I know personally, sometimes I need people to tell me to do this. I’ll tell someone I was said on a certain night and they’ll say, “why didn’t you call me?”. Our friends really don’t want us feeling lonely.
It makes them sad to know that we were sad and depressed and didn’t reach out to them.
Besides, you never know how the conversation will end up and it may have the two of you laughing your heads off by the time it’s done!
You may like to have a listen to my latest podcast about how I really bad day and my friends helped me through it (and puppies did too!)
No Holds Barred-Strong People Have Bad Days Too
I reached out to my peeps over on my Facebook page and they made me feel so much better!!
4 Go for a walk
Though this is probably the last thing you want to do, it’s probably one of the best things you can do when dealing with loneliness. Curling up in a ball and wishing the world will go away isn’t going to help you cope with loneliness.
Trust me on that one.
When you get out, you never know who you are going to meet on your journey. Go hit up a new coffee shop or bookstore and maybe make a new friend. The possibilities are endless. You soon won’t be lonely for very long.
5 Read a book or watch something funny on TV
Do you have a good book sitting on your bookshelf or saved to your kindle that you’ve been putting off reading? Now might be the time to grab it and get lost in the story.
Not much into reading? Turn on the TV. Though I’m not a huge fan of television I have to admit, when I’m feeling lonely or sad, the TV is a welcome distraction.
I like to watch very off the wall stuff. Vikings, UFC, Game of Thrones, things like that. These take me to another world and suddenly I’m not feeling sad or lonely. It fills the gap.
Effects of loneliness
I can’t stress enough how important it is to deal with your feelings of loneliness before they take hold of your life. It’s ok to be sad and feel lonely.
It’s not ok to stay there. The longer you suffer from feeling lonely the harder it will be to start working on healing yourself (not to mention more work you will need to do).
Identify the problem and work on healing it as soon as you can. Here are a few effects of loneliness:
- sabotages your physical health
- increases anxiety and depression
- feelings of helpless/hopelessness
- threatens your immune system
Please don’t let loneliness overtake your entire life. Get control, get help, get better!! I found this video on YouTube that I think may really help you. Please take a few minutes to check it out.
Feeling lonely can be a dark place-get help!
Some people struggle with this a lot. Some people suffer severe depression because of it. I’m no doctor or therapist but if you are feeling sad or depressed and have been for quite some time, please do yourself, and your mental health, a huge favour and go get help.
I know there are plenty of helplines that are absolutely free to call. You’re not a loser for calling so don’t think you are. I’ve included a few links below that I think might be worth checking or at the very least, bookmarking for the future.
If you know anyone who is depressed and needs help on how to deal with loneliness or depression, please share this blog or any of the links above with them. You could help save a life today.
Feeling lonely can sometimes lead to more serious mental health issues.
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Peace and Love
xo iva xo