Last Updated on 7 months by Iva Ursano
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say “I’ve totally been feeling like a loser lately”. Oddly enough, I’m right there with them. That feeling has hit me way too many times in the past few months.
And to be honest, I think even the most confident people have those days where it seems like nothing is going right, you hit wall after wall, everything you touch turns to sh*t, and you feel like throwing in the towel. Amirite?
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“I feel like a loser”
How many times have YOU said that in the past few weeks, months, years, whatever? It’s come out of my mouth once or twice. Like when Pinterest obliterated my entire online existence and business and I spent a month feeling sorry for myself. You can read more about that here.
I’d wake up crying “I feel like a loser” I’d go to bed crying. I spent the entire day every day for a month crying and feeling like a loser and feeling sorry for myself.
Rock bottom is a hella hard place to land and it sure makes you feel like a failure. Trust me on that.
But you know what I’m gonna tell you right?
You’re not a loser. You’re not a failure. I think you’re awesome.
Feeling like a loser kicks your self worth to the curb
Let’s face it, when you’re feeling like a loser you don’t feel anything else. Your self worth, self esteem, self confidence and all that other good ‘self’ stuff is gone right out the window.
It’s hard to think positive, I mean really hard, and we end up wallowing in self pity and just feeling sorry for ourselves.
I’ve so been there. I’m not even kidding when I tell you I know how you feel.
Now imagine if you can, for just a minute, here’s Iva, this self help guru, blowing sunshine up people’s butts and sprinkling pixie dust everywhere, curled up in a ball, in a corner of her room, feeling like a loser.
So ya. I get it.
How to stop feeling like a failure
Before we get into how to stop feeling like a failure and a loser I just want to share this little something with you now. While the tips I’ve listed here may help you, they also may not.
I do my best to share the best self help tips I can but I get that sometimes they just aren’t enough. For this reason, I’ve partnered up with online-therapy.com to make sure that I am offering you the best help and the most valuable information I possibly can.
If you feel you need to speak to a professional, please click the link here or the image below to do so. Your happiness and mental health is very important.
How to stop feeling like a loser and feeling sorry for yourself
I have to tell ya, lately I’ve been giving myself the “iva pep talk” (ya that’s a thing). I have to completely start my whole career over again and I feel like a loser and I’m tired before I even start working.
But I know I can’t wallow in self pity forever and keep feeling sorry for myself. That will get me nowhere. Actually, what does happen is that you end up in a pit of despair, sinking further and further until it’s so damn hard to get out, you almost don’t even bother.
I don’t want that to happen to you so I’m gonna share some things on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself, how to stop feeling like a failure and 7 things to tell yourself next time you have any of these icky feelings.
Feeling Like a Loser-7 Things to Tell Yourself Right Now
Here are 7 things I want you to remember next time you are feeling like a loser and think there is no hope in sight for you. It’s such a horrible place to be and it’s so important to not stay there!
It’s totally ok to feel your feels and I always encourage readers to do that. Feel every single feeling and emotion, no matter how hard and icky, but do NOT stay there.
Feel them, get angry and cry, and then be done with them. Send them away. Adios, see ya later, buh bye!!
1 Everything is temporary
Yes. The good and the bad. It’s all temporary and everything that happens to you comes to teach you things. Are you learning? Pay attention.
I’m going to go back and use my business crash as an example. Yes I felt like a f*cking loser and yes I cried for a month all day every day but once I was done feeling sorry for myself and snapped out of it I GOT the lesson!
I knew why this happened to me and it was up to ME to act and fix it. And I did. I’m still working on it but I so get it now.
So just remember, whatever hell you are going through now, it’s temporary, and you’ll get through this.
2 Talk to yourself
You need to talk yourself out of self pity and start talking yourself back into ‘warrior mode’. You have to remind yourself of all the good things you have accomplished and how amazing you really are.
This video I did recently over on my YouTube channel about how to believe in yourself might help you.
The power of self talk really is amazing and if you aren’t talking to yourself in an empowering way, it’s time to start. Do yourself a favour. Tell yourself good things.
3 No one is better than you
Ugh. The comparison trap.
Well Susan has accomplished so much more and look how successful she is and look how much money she’s making and everyone loves her and her life is grand and bla bla bla.
We all have things, skills/personality traits/gifts/talents/etc, that make us unique. So do you! Susan is NOT better than you. No one is because no one is YOU!
There isn’t a single person on the planet who is as beautiful, talented and amazing as you are. Remind yourself of that every day you are feeling like a loser.
You are magnificent!
Related post: 21-Day Self-Improvement Challenge: A Step-by-Step Guide
4 Clear your head
Chances are you’ve been wrapped up in whatever misery or horrible thing that has recently happened to you that is making you feel like a loser. You need to take a step back, disconnect from it all and clear your head.
I know, easier said than done, but when you take the time to do that, you are allowing for fresher thoughts and ideas to come to you.
The next time you find yourself wallowing in self pity again, stop what you’re doing and go outside, get some fresh air, do anything to take your mind off your icky thoughts.
I mean, you can’t think about this 24/7. That’s really unhealthy, mentally and emotionally. Change your thoughts, change your mind, change your life.
5 Talk to a friend
Sounds like a no brainer but honestly, so many of us don’t want to admit we are feeling worthless and would rather keep those thoughts to ourselves.
Please don’t do that. Sometimes all we need to do is find a really good friend who we trust dearly and love to talk to, and tell them how you are feeling. If anyone can talk you out of that, surely your friend will.
Sometimes too, we need to see things from a different perspective. We need a different pair of eyes on our problems or a different mind/heart on our situation.
(if you don’t have anyone to talk to, please reach out to someone at online-therapy.com)
6 What are your triggers?
If we can stop and identify the initial thought that is making us feel like a loser or a failure then we can take measures to prevent it by healing it. So many of us still suffer the damage of childhood trauma and we continue to carry that into our adulthood.
It’s important to heal all the wounds from our childhood so we can move on in peace and with a completely new mindset.
Next time you have a thought of “I feel like a loser” take note of what is happening at that exact moment. What made you think that. Recognize the pattern and start taking the steps to heal.
7 We’ve all failed at something-no one is perfect
I think it helps to remember this, we all have failed or felt like a loser at some point in our lives. None of us are perfect, not even those whose lives look perfect from the outside.
While we strive to get things right, perfect for some, and feel like a great success, we have to keep in mind that it doesn’t always happen that way for any of us.
Even the most successful people in the world have had ups and downs and probably even felt like failures and losers too, so you’re not alone here. At all!
Instead of counting all your failures and mishaps, start taking inventory of all the things you’ve done well and that have worked out for you. You’ll be surprised to see that you’ve survived 100% of the things life has thrown at you.
Stop feeling like a loser!
I know, easier said than done, but seriously, you are so not a loser. You have done great things. You have done hard things. You have done things that most people only dream of doing but never find the courage to do.
You are amazing and a gift to this world. You are everything BUT a loser and a failure.
Keep telling yourself that. Whatever it is you are going through right now, you’re gonna make it. Come hell or high water, you are so gonna make it babe!
ps if you are really struggling with this and are having suicidal thoughts please contact a suicide hotline now! Here is a link to all the hotlines in the world for you but a quick Google search will give you the numbers close to your area.
Remember, the bad times don’t last. Better days are ahead and you are going to be ok.
i love you
xo iva xo