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How to Love Yourself and Be Confident

Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano

You know, I’m no stranger to beating myself up after sacrificing my self worth. I used to let people cross my boundary lines. I don’t do that anymore! Today I’m going to show you how to love yourself and be confident so others will know how to love and treat you too!

It took me a long time to get here. I used to repeat the same toxic patterns. I had almost no self confidence, no self respect and certainly no boundaries. Nudda

This was a lesson I kept struggling with. Why can’t I get it right? What the hell is my problem? When will I learn to love myself once and for all?

Loving yourself unconditionally takes work

I was pretty sure that I had a lot of self love in the last few years. I worked on it. I held it high. I was proud of myself. Then time passed….and I got lonely. You see where I’m going with this?

Suddenly my self love took a back seat because I was starting to get lonely. It’s been awhile. I need affection. I need someone’s arms around me, I need a kiss on the forehead and to hold someone’s hand while i’m walking down the street. I need and miss all that stuff dammit.

and in walks a boy…..a relatively toxic boy.

I whispered to myself, “Just sit tight, we got this, we’re gonna be ok”. Who was I kidding? There was nothing ok about any of this. It was stupid and was I doomed for disaster.

In walks regret

Well, hello regret. Long time no see. I’ve been expecting you.

Yup. I knew it was coming. Did I care? Not really. At least not at the time while my hand was being held and my forehead was getting kissed. It was so sweet. Each time. It was all just so blissful. I didn’t care at what price. I knew how this was all going to end. I’m not stupid er, wait…am I?

Did I care? Nope. I’ve been here before. I know what this kind of regret feels like. I’ll get over it. I always do. Sometimes it takes longer than the last time. I got this. I’ll be ok.

How to love yourself again

Oh, for me, it’s the usual prescription. FB message my two best friends. They will send me virtual hugs, tell me I’m awesome, I deserve better and that they love me. I cry an awful lot, maybe have a shot of Fireball or two or 5. Walk around my house numb, dazed, confused and high. I’ll plug in Sarah Blondin and listen to her for 45 minutes.

She soothes my heart and soul (seriously go check her out on Insight Timer).

Does any of this help? Yup. The Fireball is great for numbing pain, the friends are good for my ego, crying releases toxins and Sarah puts my life back in perspective for me.

You just can’t beat yourself up over it. What’s done is done. Pick yourself back up and move on. Take a few things from this lesson and remember them for the next time (but let’s hope this doesn’t happen again). Remember, we’re all still learning and growing and we will until the day we die.

But there’s an awful lot more work involved than that. You have to put in the work. You have to redraw your boundary lines and practice not letting people cross them. You have to apply everything you’ve learned

It’s hard, messy, frustrating, ugly and so worth it.

Before we go on, please check out my new self help eStore. Jam packed with mini self help eBooks, courses, programs and even some one on one coaching if that’s what your heart needs. Click the link here to see what’s ‘in store’ for you and grab the tool you need!

How’s your self respect and self confidence these days?

We already know what we deserve. We already know we are worthy of greatness and to be treated like a king/queen. But some days it’s damn hard to remember that especially when we’re lonely.

You might really like this post on being lonely vs feeling alone. 

Some days, still, we learn the hard way. I believe that with each lesson, we grow stronger and stronger and so does our self confidence, self love, self esteem and self respect. You know, all that good ‘self’ stuff!! It’s the stuff that strong people are made of.

You know, learning how to love yourself and be confident is no easy feat. Just when you think you got a good handle on it someone comes in to test it. And I don’t know about you, but they usually win. That’s my cue that it’s time to work on my self love a lot more.

A few tips on how to love yourself and be confident

I love mirror work. It’s hard, it’s awkward, it’s ridiculous BUT for me, it’s the most powerful. I feel so connected to myself when I look at myself in the mirror and talk to myself.

I tell myself to smarten up. I remind myself how beautiful and deserving I really am. I yell, I cry, I hug myself. You name it, I do. It really helps me build self confidence and repair my self esteem and my lost self love.

I also take time to write myself a love letter. You might really like this one.

It’s powerful, raw and real and it is so effective. When you finish writing it and then read it back prepare to sob hysterically.

A lot of self improvement work really is retraining your brain and reprogramming all the crap from your past that makes you feel unworthy. And I’ll be honest, all this rewiring is hard and exhausting but so worth it.

How to love yourself and be confident

Try to remind yourself of these things when you feel like your self love is slipping again:

  • I am worthy of love
  • I do honour and love myself
  • I don’t deserve to be treated like crap
  • No one has the right to disrespect me
  • I won’t sacrifice my values or morals for love

Here are a few other blogs on self love you may enjoy and just might help you find love for yourself again:

The Truth About Self Love and Why It’s So Hard to Keep

How to Find Self Love After Your Boundary Lines Get Crossed

25 Powerful Self Love Quotes to Read When You’re Feeling Sad

How to love yourself and be confident may seem like an impossible feat for you right now but it’s not. Trust me.

It takes time but you’ll get there. You have to stay the course. You have to pull up your big girl panties and remind yourself who you are and how amazing you are. And you have to never ever stop telling yourself that.

Peace and Love


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One Comment

  1. I had been repeating this pattern my whole life until I finally saw a therapist about coming to grips with leaving my husband. She helped me see the reasons WHY I am the person I am. Once I had the “why” I could finally learn to change. There are times in my current relationship (the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had!) that I want to return to familiar behaviour but then I catch myself before the self-destruction starts. (don’t be fooled though, this process includes lots of wine!)

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