Being Lonely Sucks But It’s Better Than Being With the Wrong Person
Last Updated on 1 year by Iva Ursano
To be alone or not to be. To be lonely or not to be. Which is it? Are you lonely or alone? Maybe a bit of both? Is it really better to be alone than it is to be lonely? Being lonely certainly does suck but it’s way better than being with the wrong person.
I’ve been alone and lonely at the same time in a relationship and both on my own as a single person. For me, as a Libra, I’ve always had the desire, the longing and the yearning to be part of duo, a team, a relationship, his princess, somebody’s wife.
I’ve longed for it, wanted it so bad it almost hurt to not have it. A Libra woman likes to be in a relationship. We like balance.
To not have this causes a great deal of anxiety. For me, anyway. Or should I say, it used to. Not so much anymore. At 59 years old I’ve learned to love my own company and everything about me but I do have to admit, as a single woman, sometimes I do get slightly lonely, very rarely but it happens.
Being lonely feels slightly different to me now.
There are times when I wish I had someone to walk down the street holding hands with, someone to have a nice romantic dinner with, someone to surprise me with a lovely bouquet of flowers. Yup, sometimes I wish for all that again. But…
For me this is what to be alone means….
You are alone, in your own space, you still feel love and peace and contentment. You don’t have the need to be with people or feel anxiety because you are not with people. You are alone and you happy. It feels good. You know that being alone is necessary for your well being.
It’s good to have this space on your own and feel at peace.
There is no sadness, sorrow, feelings of being lonely, left out, neglected or ignored. It just is and you accept it for what it is and appreciate it. It’s a happy peaceful place.
You can be in a relationship and still have alone time (actually you should be able to have your own space and alone time even in a relationship).
Again, this is what lonely means to me…
To have such an empty and dark pit in your stomach, a hole in your heart, if you will. It is a feeling of great grief and sorrow. There is a longing and a yearning there to be with someone, to have someone to love you.
A need for company, for attention, for anything.
For someone just to notice you, acknowledge your presence, someone to show you or give you something, anything, even if it isn’t so great or happy or loving. You risk your self worth and self love for someone to just love you.
Being lonely and have that feeling of loneliness often puts us at risk of lowering our self worth to settle for whatever comes along. Often too, we can feel all this loneliness even in a relationship.
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Scared of being alone
I used to be scared of being alone. For the longest time, I hated being alone and feeling lonely. For most of my life I thought I needed someone in my life and I didn’t want to be alone.
Yet so many of us are so scared of being alone that we choose the wrong partners.
Some of us feel that anybody is better than nobody. I felt like that for the longest time. I didn’t care who my partner was or what horrible traits he had, I was just glad that I wasn’t alone.
What I didn’t realize was that I was sacrificing my worth, my happiness, my self respect and so much more by choosing to fill the void with anyone.
It wasn’t too long ago that I actually realized the price I was paying and now I choose being alone any day over being lonely.
So what’s your point?
You probably really didn’t need me to explain the difference between being alone and being lonely, or did you? Are you feeling loneliness in your relationship? I used to. The pain of feeling this was so overwhelming. It was crippling. I just wanted him to love me the way I wanted him to love me, not the way he thought he should love me but how could he know? He had no clue how to love me because I didn’t even love myself.
I was trapped and lonely in my own skin and offered up my self worth for love and companionship. I offered up all I had just so I wasn’t alone, or lonely.
If you are lonely in and in a relationship it might be time to take a deep long look inside to find out what you are missing and why you are enabling this emptiness.
Remember we have choices. If you are feeling lonely, it’s up to you to change it. Only you can do that.
I’m alone now by choice. I really like hanging out with me and I particularly love my freedom and my life. I know that one day, the perfect for me man will come along and sweep me off my feet. Until then, I will carry on with me, myself, and I.
We really do have a great time together!
Peace and Love
If you need help loving yourself or moving on alone please checkout my new eBook store.
I couldn’t agree more. I am also 53 and after 2 failed marriages have been on my own now for several years.yes there are moments which I would love to share with someone special, but overall I am happier being alone than lonely and unhappy in a relationship.
I hear ya Sharon. I wonder if we get to a certain age and we finally get it. You know? Thanx for your comment and for taking the time to read the blog! xo iva xo
I so relate to this. You have helped me realize it starts within. I have had so many unfulfilling relationships and it is only in the last month that I have realized the problem was within. Thank you for sharing this powerful message. Hit me square in the chest!
Ya I hear ya on the shit relationships Rachel. I’m done with all that crap…I won’t settle anymore ever again. I’m happy in my own skin :)