Last Updated on 2 years by Iva Ursano
Do you hate fighting with your partner as much as I do? Ugh! The Libra in me absolutely hates conflict and when any sign of an argument shows up, I’m already cowering in the corner. I love peace. That’s all I want ever. Anyway, today I’m gonna teach you how to make up after a fight in a few loving steps.
Now this may sound silly, but I know that after a fight with my partner, our love is stronger, our bond is stronger and we’ve had a chance to grow even closer together. I’m not gonna say that fighting in a relationship is healthy but, well, I think it kinda is a little.
I also think that making up after a fight is usually pretty awesome too. You grow closer and learn a few more things about each other.
(this article contains an affiliate link so if you make a purchase I make a small commission-affiliate disclosure)
We all want healthy relationships
Do we not all strive for the perfect healthy relationship? Of course we do but we also don’t live in a fantasy world. We know that every relationship has its ups and downs. Sometimes the downs or so far down we simply don’t know how to handle it.
Understanding your partner and their feelings towards the relationship can truly help you deal with conflict a bit better.
In order to achieve and maintain a healthy relationship both parties must be 100% committed to its growth and nurturing. Without that, it’s a one sided battle that no one wants to fight.
Before I go on, I’ve dropped a couple of links to some amazing books you may want to check out that will help your relationship grow and flourish. (this post does contain affiliate links so if you make a purchase I make a small commission)
Though it’s certainly not impossible to have a healthy relationship, it won’t come without a little bit of work. It also won’t come with a little bit of fighting. But if there is some fighting (and of course there will be) this article will teach you how to make up after a fight the healthy way!
It’s also very important to know one thing. We don’t fight to hurt each other and we shouldn’t be fighting like that either. Words can be very hurtful so make sure you don’t attack with low blows that will hurt your partner for years to come. You wouldn’t want them to say things to you that will damage you forever. Don’t do that to them either. There is no winning here.
How to make up after a fight in 3 loving steps
In my opinion, it’s extremely important not to go to bed angry. Do whatever you have to do to avoid this. I mean, let’s face it, when you are both steaming mad at each other and you try to go to sleep, who sleeps anyway? Not me that’s for sure. Rest assured (pardon the pun), your partner isn’t getting a good night sleep either.
You also don’t want to start your day grumpy and still not talking to each other. All that anger, sadness and madness will spoil your day ahead. Don’t let it. You deserve to have a happy day, no matter what. That’s why it is so important to kiss and make up before you go to bed.
And don’t forget that make up sex too!!
We’re gonna break this down in a few simple steps. You don’t have to follow them in order but at least try to practice a few things here. Here is how to make up after a fight in 3 loving and simple steps.
1 Acknowledge your error
Was this fight all your fault? Did you do or say something that was totally unacceptable? Would the situation/argument never have happened if it wasn’t for something you said or did?
Did you answer yes to any of those questions?
Stand up and let your partner know you were at fault and you’re sorry. Apologies are so important and crucial to healing any wound and fight. Keep in mind though, that apology without changed behaviour means nothing. Go ahead and say sorry and don’t be such a hard ass! You know you were at fault. Deal with it and then do what you have to do to make it up to your partner.
Your partner will appreciate this and be more than willing to kiss and make up afterward!
2 Communication is key
Ask your partner if you can sit down and talk about what just happened. They may say no, they may need time to process it. Give them time. Respect their space and the way they deal with conflict.
Just because you’re ready to talk doesn’t mean everyone should stop drop and listen. If you push your partner to talk and they aren’t ready, you may not be ready to hear the things they have to say.
Time is important for everyone. Talking is also important but it has to be the right time too. Don’t force conversation. Let your partner know that you are ready to talk and listen when they are. Showing this level of respect as opposed to being in their face and making them do something they don’t want to do will produce far better results. Trust me on this one.
Once you’ve both talked things out and expressed your feelings, you will then both be ready for the whole ‘let’s kiss and make up’ part! Yay!
3 Write out your feelings
I express myself so much better with pen and paper. This way I can get out all my feelings without being interrupted. This method has also produced great results for me in the past.
If neither you or your partner are ready to talk, write out how you feel, without being hurtful or mean, and then leave this note for your partner somewhere they can see it and read it.
Words on paper I find have so much more of an impact. I’m not sure why that is, it just is.
After your partner reads your words, they are more apt to come to you and be ready for discussion. One thing to remember, your partner doesn’t want to see you sad any more than you want to feel sad.
They love you and your happiness is so important to them. Don’t forget that.
Following the deep discussion after the letter of feelings comes the best part…need I tell you what it is? Oh!! The kiss and make up part!!! Man I love this part.
Do we need relationship counseling?
Do you? Is your partner open for that? Remember relationships take a commitment from both sides. You can’t force your partner into relationship counseling because you want to save the relationship.
You both have to want to save it.
If you suggested relationship counseling and your partner refuses to go then that might be a clear sign for you that your partner just isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are. If you are having serious relationship problems and counseling isn’t an option, perhaps it may be time for you to rethink your position and worth in this relationship.
You might really like this ebook I wrote:
It covers some pretty important things that sometimes we overlook when we’re in a relationship. Click on the image below to check out all the self help books in my new ebook store.
Now I don’t promote breaking up and dumping your partner and all that negative stuff. What I do stand behind is self love, self worth, self respect, self confidence and self esteem. All that good self stuff.
If you find that you don’t have any of that left and it might be because of the relationship you are in, then I advise you to do what you know you need to do.
You may want to check out these two blogs that talk a little more about that.
Making up after a fight – is it worth it?
I’m no relationship expert or counselor but I do know one or two things about life and relationships. First and foremost, your happiness is just as important, if not more so, than anyone else’s. You must take care of your happiness first.
And second, if something isn’t bringing you joy anymore or making you feel loved and appreciated the way you deserve, you need to rethink whatever that is and focus on your self worth. No one has the right to make you feel worthless, ever. Remember that.
It doesn’t matter how many fights you have and how many times you make up after a fight, the point is, if that’s all you guys seem to be doing then really, what’s the point of it all?
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Peace and Love
xo iva xo